Winchester state schools vs London private schools? WWYD with 3 under 5?

[Motherhood12345]

We're currently facing a big family decision and I'd love to hear from anyone with experience of Winchester schools, or who has weighed up something similar.
We have three children under five and are planning a move from the North of England to either London or the South. My husband is a long-haul pilot based out of Heathrow and is away a significant amount of the time (nearly 50%). I work in finance in a fairly demanding role, and my husband's family are based in West Sussex.

We're torn between two options:
Option 1: London
Higher salary for me.
We could afford private school fees for all three children. Depending on where we lived, we'd either aim for a strong state primary followed by private secondary, or private education throughout.
More career opportunities for me.

Option 2: Winchester
Lower salary for me, but likely better work-life balance.
We'd rely on the local state school system, which has an excellent reputation.
More space and a potentially less hectic lifestyle.
Closer to family support.

What matters most to us is doing what's best for the children. We'd like them to have a strong academic education and access to good extracurricular opportunities. At the same time, I wonder whether having a parent who is less stretched and more present day-to-day is ultimately worth more than being able to fund private schooling.

For those who know Winchester, do the state schools genuinely live up to their reputation? Are there any other cities or large towns in Hampshire, Surrey, Sussex, Berkshire etc. that are better for access to excellent state education? And for anyone who has chosen between a high-pressure/higher-income route and a lower-paid but more balanced family life, do you have any regrets?

I'd be really grateful for any experiences or perspectives. Thank you!

Exactly. This was my thought too. I find it hard to imagine such a differential (but then I work in the media where £50k is a very good salary haha).

@Motherhood12345 is that really the case? Does the maths add up? If you won't have those massive big bucks then I certainly wouldn't go down the private route.

That said I also agree with the many PPs who have pointed out that there are other options including excellent state schools in London, and other places to live that have more of a London vibe (or accessibility to L) than Winchester. Much as I like Winchester.

Thank you to everyone for your responses. They've certainly given me plenty to think about.

A concern raised by a few people is the amount of time my children need from me, particularly given how much my husband is away, and whether I would realistically be able to give them that time if I took on a London-based role. That's the key factor weighing on my mind. It's a difficult balance because I've worked hard to build my career, and a London role would be a dream opportunity. Equally, I've chosen to have three children whom I love dearly, and I want to do the best I can for them too.

Unfortunately, in my field, the difference in both salary and career prospects between London and regional roles is significant. At this stage, a London role would likely pay more than £100,000 more than an equivalent regional role, and that gap would only widen as I progress further in my career. In some cases, we're talking about differences of several hundred thousand pounds.

Given everything I'm already juggling, living outside London and commuting in for a London-based role isn't a realistic option. I simply don't have the time, or the appetite, to spend several hours travelling each day or multiple days each week.

So some of us suggested London plus state schools. What did you think of that?

This is certainly something we'd consider, particularly for the early years of primary school. We'd also consider it at secondary level if we were fortunate enough to be in the catchment area for an outstanding state school with strong academic results and extracurricular provision, or if the children secured grammar school places.

However, given how young the children are and the fact that schools can change significantly over time, I wouldn't want to uproot the family to London and then find myself in a position where private education felt like the right option but was no longer financially achievable. That's where the decision about which role I take and the career path I follow has such a significant impact!

@Motherhood12345 yes a commute is a terrible idea. Also totally get that the salary differential would be wild as between London vs outside for a role in finance, and that you’ve worked hard to build your career etc.

It’s a tough choice but you and your husband cannot be good parents if neither of you are present for vast swathes of time and I do not think a private education compensates for essentially absent parents. If you want to prioritise your career then your DH is going to have to cut back his (which was not presented as an option in your OP but is the only alternative).

Are you a lawyer? That seems the most likely career with such pay differentials.

If so, to earn the salary you’re expecting and given your DH is overseas frequently, you will need a nanny. You can’t be a City lawyer and depend only on after school care/childminders when you are solo parenting a lot.

Sorry I saw you’re in finance - even so I still think you’ll need a nanny.

Or help in the form of a nanny/housekeeper. You could live in sw London, use the good state secondary schools and use the money you would save on private school fees to fund the nanny/housekeeper.

London has loads of amazing middle class high achieving state schools which is presumably what you’re looking for. It’s a wonderful place to bring up kids and the state and private kids all mix and end up at the same unis and same grad jobs

Yes she could do that, and that’s what DH and I have done, but my kids are older now (mid primary) and I’m burnt out with being primary parent and doing a big job, essentially so I can outsource the care of the kids to a nanny. I don’t think it is in the best interests of the children.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that it has to be the mother who dials back her career, but two full on, stressful jobs does not lead to a happy family life, it just doesn’t.

I agree with you - i gave up a City job to stay at home with my kids - but it's not for everyone and plenty of people do keep their big jobs and use staff so it's definitely a possibility.