to think there ought to be a stiff punishment for pulling down a kid's trousers and pants?

[Spidermama]

My ds, who's 6, was very subdued all the way home from school. He then told me that a boy pulled down his trousers and pants and put sand in his pants while others looked on laughing.

The boy was told to apologise, but that was that. He's naughty most days and gets into some kind of trouble but doesn't seem to mind.

I don't think a feeble apology is enough. I want to bring it up with the school tomorrow.

AIBU?

GG I would also advocate violence at times. Especially when the school fails to effectively fight your corner for you.

I don't think my ds is really the punching type though so I won't press the point.

Gosh I wouldn't, your average small boy doesn't see things from a very wide perspective: to ds2 (deliberately chosen the nt one) 'my corner' at times would be very different from what i'd judge ok.

They can get away with self defence or under threat, no more. I have enough of that crap with ds1, don't need it from those who can help it.

Glad to hear dh is going in with you, hope it goes well - let us know. Was ds happy to go into school today?

Something similar has happened at ds1's school this week. As far as I can work out from what the school are saying one of the boys (these are year 1 - so 6 year olds) got hold of one of the girls and pulled her pants down. Obviously not good, but it was reported and dealt with by the school at the time.

Fast forward 3 days and the girl's parents have reported it to the Police and Social services, and suddenly today, having not even mentioned his name before according to the school, the girl and 3 of her friends have all started saying that it wasn't (just?) the boy originally involved but ds1. Strange that having being quizzed about it for 3 days they've now all at the same time decided to come up with the same revised story.

I'm not even sure what he's actually supposed to have done, but even taking any notice of the girls at breaktime sounds out of character for ds1. The boy originally implicated is notorious for getting into trouble at school though.

So today I get a call from school to say that they've given my details to social services and we're to expect them to visit.

Am panicing now as to what's going to happen. dh is away abroad, so not even any support to be had. Are they going to take ds away? And does this mean that ds2 would be taken away too?

Soryy if this is rambling a bit, can't type straight for crying.

Nothavingagoodday- for a start your children will not be takn away from you.

You need to clarify with the school what exactly has happened so you know what your DS is alledged to have done .

I think that if the parents of the girl have reported the matter to the Police & SS then they are totally OTT ( whoch I thibnk they are ) or something more serious has happned in whoch case you need to know .

If the girls parent feels that the school hasn't handled it well then there are other avenues to take up with the school before involving police & SS.

Well having spoken to the school it seems that in their view ds1 hasn't actually done anything apart from witnessing the incident.

Apparently a group of the girls were lifting up their dresses, showing the boys their knickers, and daring the boys to pull them down. So one of them did - and just for good measure the girl in question then pulled his trousers down too.

So all a bit 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, although not really advisable behaviour from either of them. As far as the school were concerned it was dealt with, until the girls parents arrived this morning with the police in tow, and all the girls started saying it was ds1 too.

Unfortunately the girl's parents are calling it a "serious sexual assault" and demanding that ALL the year 1 boys are removed from the school because their dd can't possibly be expected to carry on at the same school as them. They're apparantly going to go to the press and say that the school are allowing inappropriate sexual behaviour if the school don't comply with their demands.

Obviosuly this puts the school in a difficult situation, but I have a nasty feeling that if the parents reduced their demand to just the other boy and ds1 being removed the school would settle for that, even though the School's opinion, given the delay in ds1's name being mentioned, and then the girls all saying it at the same time is that they've cooked this up between them because they want to shift the blame.

Poor ds1 is in floods of tears because the girls have been telling him all day that he's going to locked up forever.

Absolutely ourageous by the girls parents - they really do not understand what they are going to put their DD through.

the police will not act just on their say so - they will have to interview the girls etc and may have to interview your DS - all this willbe done by speacilst trained officers .

I hope and dont think that it will come to this stage .

Make a note of everything that happens with your DS and what he tells you.

I feel for all sides in this , adults are making the situation alot worse and do not relaise the consequences of THEIR actions.

I be they try and sue the school

Oh, NHaGD, I so know how you feel. Something similar happened to me - DS was friends with a little girl who said he had said something rude to him at school and we got referred to Social Services. It was awful.
Unfortunately, nobody interviewed the children, which would have put it all into immediate perspective. They were 5 at the time, and DS was totally perplexed about the whole thing.
Weeks later, we got an assessment visit from a social worker who quickly realised that it was not just down to my DS, it was a bit over the top, and that was the last of it.

But it was so traumatic for us at the time.

CaptainUnderpants - you might be right about the suing. Her dad's a lawyer.

ds1 is still distraught. They've been telling him that he'll be kept in a dark room with no windows, and never allowed to see any of his family again. He'll be given just enough food to stop him dying, but he'll always be hungry. There'll be no bed and no toilet so he'll have to poo on the floor and lie in it. Nasty kids to have been taking pleasure in making him believe things like that. And I can't convince him otherwise. It's going to be a long night I think...

Now I am normally very blase but

I think that is really terrible

I would be fcking livid

Your poor baby

Don't expect too much support/action from school. DD1 who's 13 was sexually assaulted in April. Inspite of the boy being arrested and charged with sexual assault school have yet to do anything by way of dealing with him. As a resulat D has been off school, too frightened to go back for weeks.

The full story's here

'Apparently a group of the girls were lifting up their dresses, showing the boys their knickers, and daring the boys to pull them down. So one of them did - and just for good measure the girl in question then pulled his trousers down too.'

serious sexual assault? ffs! talk about waste of police time!

you can retailaste, if they try to remove your lad (or if you think they will) threaten to go to the papers. next time they tell your poor ds he will be locked up, go and make a formal complaint of bullying with serious psychological effects. because it sounds like your kid is far more at risk (only from bullying, ss will be seriously p'd off at waste of time).

Now I think a few lunchtimes detention for all involved is appropriate- tjis is beyond bizarre/

LEA won'ta llow then to remove all yr1 boys- can you imagine the outcry? the travelling nightmare LEa would be faced with? Never going to happen.