Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

106 replies

flustered · 25/06/2008 19:14

I have volunteered to help on a School trip in reception class. I found out from another parent today that I will not be allowed to be with my Daughter. I am going to find this very hard. Part of me wants to go to her teacher and say that if I can't have my own child with me then I am not helping. The other part keeps telling me not to rock the boat and when we actually get on the trip the teacher won't be able to stop her coming to me. None of the parents are particularly happy about the set up. I can understand it with older children but these are 5 year olds that have only been at full time school a few months. Why can't we have our own children with us?

OP posts:
Original poster
flustered · 25/06/2008 19:43

Hmm, think I'll just speak to her teacher tomorrow and try to sort something out.

OP posts:
cory · 25/06/2008 19:44

Agree with Vanilla. I have not been able to volunteer as often as I would have liked to (work commitments) but when I have done so I have seen it as an opportunity to help the school, not just have an outing with my dd. And I would like to think that when I haven't been able to go the parent helpers have given my dd as much attention as their own children.
Personally, I would feel that my dd was missing out if she spent a school outing interacting with me rather than with her friends- that would probably be a reason for me not to go tbh. School trips are very special things.

Hulababy · 25/06/2008 19:46

I think that maybe the school needs to set out these rules at the start, before asking for volunteers, so that such scenarios don't happen.

However, you have now volunteered. Annd yes, it may not be quite as you'd prefered, but I do think you shoudl keep yor word, go and help and enjoy it if you can.

I help out one day a week at DD's school. Sometimes I am with DD. sometimes not. DD is ore than happy with either set up. i was actaulyl or concerned that she might become too clingy with me, etc. when I was around. However this has not been the case. She actually isn't bad at all and most of the time is off doing her own thing. Infact on one trip out she actually volunteered not to be in my group, wanting to be with her teacher instead. TBH I thing that is a good thing - let's DD have that extra independence without me.

nkf · 25/06/2008 19:47

If you go on the trips purely to spend time with your daughter, you should back out I think. You have to look after a group and probably the school has this rule because some parent in the past let a child run into the road while they were pointing something out to their own offspring.

Twelvelegs · 25/06/2008 19:47

flustered, are you saying even though public opinion says you're being selfish you're going to try to pair with dd anyway???

Whizzz · 25/06/2008 19:48

Sorry I still haven't got over the swimming pool scenario!

Whizzz · 25/06/2008 20:11

Pool safety Legal requirement 1:12 ratio + qualified lifeguard as well as the swimming teacher
I really think you should be talking to the school about this!

AMumInScotland · 25/06/2008 21:12

I helped out on a number of trips with my DS and he was never in my group. It was always school policy that a volunteer didn't have their own child in their group - as others have said, it means you will be treating one child you are looking after differently from the others.

It would have been better if the school had explained this when asking for volunteers, but it is normal practice. When you volunteer to help with a trip, you are not asking to come along to look after your own child, you are offering to do whatever the teachers want you to do (within reasonable limits of course) so that the whole group get the best care during the trip.

ecoworrier · 25/06/2008 21:26

How childish - I'm not going to go unless I get my own way!

You volunteered to help the teacher/class, so you do it in the way they think will best help.

Now that you know the set-up, just don't volunteer again if you feel it's an issue.

I have been on trips where the teacher has deliberately put the parent with their child, and on trips where this has deliberately been avoided. Not a problem either way.

LadyMuck · 25/06/2008 21:30

Have never had this issue as Ds1 is a pita and so teacher always makes sure that he is with me. And I always get "picked" for trips so as no-one else has the joy of ds1. Ho hum.

stillwaiting · 25/06/2008 21:33

I think its fairly standard to split up families to ensure that the parent volunteer is helping all the children and not just their own child. In our school they don't use parent helpers on trips that their dcs are on. (eg if you have a YR2 child you can't help on YR2 trips)

mazzystar · 25/06/2008 21:35

It's school trip
Not a trip with mummy
Get over it

heronsfly · 25/06/2008 21:39

Our achool policy is that parent helpers can never be with a group there own child is in,this includes all trips, reading ect.

choccypig · 25/06/2008 21:45

I have been on a few pre-school and school trips, and would BEG not to have DS in my group. Because he is more likely to mis-behave for me, and it would be unfair on the others in the group. At pre-school, they tended to put kids in their Mum's group. Since then, not.

ellceeell · 25/06/2008 22:02

I went on a school trip yesterday. dd2 (Yr 1) was a bit put out to start off with that she wasn't in my group but was quite happy all day with someone elses mum.
I do remember from a trip with dd1 that a mum helper bought icecream just for her daughter. That did not go down well with the other children!

ladymariner · 25/06/2008 22:03

We tend not to use parents as helpers on our school trips as we have had experiences where they have been like the op and looking on it as a day out with mum, which it isn't. It's an educational visit, you are there to look after all the children in your group and if you are only interested in what your own child is doing then clearly you are not taking sufficient care over other people's children.
I think the op should withdraw from the trip, I really wouldn't want her with me if I were the teacher. sorry if that sounds harsh, it's not personal but I really don't think it would be appropriate.

ladymariner · 25/06/2008 22:05

Just to add, we have had some fantastic parents who have come and helped and been amazing with all the children, and it's such a pity that they are now missing out because of a few who don't want to follow the school procedures.

procrastinatingparent · 25/06/2008 22:06

'I just want her with me, so we are both happy and have a good day'

It's really not about you being happy or you having a good day.

And I bet your daughter would actually enjoy her independence if you weren't on the trip at all. If you are so glad to help at the school offer to go on a trip with another class.

cory · 26/06/2008 13:10

If you were to withdraw would you be happy for you dd to be looked after all day by another parent whose only interest in the trip is that she and her own child 'are both happy and have a good day'. Where would that leave your daughter? Or are you just expecting everybody else to be more caring and community spirited than yourself?

And if you withdraw because you can't have things your own way, what sort of a message are you sending your daughter? Is that how you want her to grow up?

partaria · 26/06/2008 14:01

we are nearing the end of june so surely dd will be very well settled at school without you. maybe your dd has already been on outings WITHOUT you there ? So I'm sure she would cope fine in a group other than yours if that's presented to her as the norm. Personally it can be quite fun and rewarding to watch your child unselfconsciously interact with others while remaining a mere observer of what they are up to on a trip.

Acinonyx · 26/06/2008 14:24

Interesting. I wouldn't be happy with this either Flustered. I would not want to have dd wanting to be with me and being told she can't. I suppose it depends on the child, but I think dd would find that upsetting if we were on the same trip. So I guess I would either go on a different trip or not at all.

When I was little, some parents came with their kids but not as helpers. Does that still happen at all? Is it the usual practice these days, to rely on parent voluteers to eek out the staff-pupil ratios? I have absolutely no desire to help out in this way - will I be tarred and feathered do you think?

snice · 26/06/2008 14:32

"It is not our fault that other Mums don't help"

What would you suggest I did with my 3 year old? I assume you only have the one child

AMumInScotland · 26/06/2008 15:04

I think most of us understand that many parents have other children, and other family committments, which make it impossible. I always made sure that as a parent with an only child I volunteered for these kinds of trips as much as I could because of that very issue. (I'm also luck enough to have flexi-time)

cory · 26/06/2008 15:08

Because the pupil-adult ratio is set so high these days, most schools can't employ enough extra teachers for school trips (where would they go the rest of the time?), so they do often depend on parent helpers. They can't take teachers out of the other classes to supervise the school trip, either- what would those children do in the meantime?

In other countries, such as Sweden, where this is less common (more parents work fulltime) the teacher/pupil ratio is much lower: you often see a group of 15 nursery age children on public transport under the care of 2 teachers.

But in this country it can be difficult to organise any outing without extra help. Noone should feel forced- obviously, lots of people won't be able to do it, for work or childcare reasons- but if nobody is able to do it, the trip may not be possible.

foxythesnowfox · 26/06/2008 15:14

We get a group of 4 children, including our own. I think its in Yr 2 when you take all others.

Personally I really enjoy seeing my children interacting with their peers and teachers on their terms. If I wanted it to be about me I'd take them independently.

Its a good way to get to know the teachers more informally and the children in her class, as well as being involved in her thing which isn't parent-led.

If there aren't enough parents volunteering they might have to cancel and they will miss out.

I think you should still go, you'll have plenty of time with her, plus she'll be really proud to have you their.