Any advice on home school for secondary?

[DefinitelyNotAStepfordWife]

Hi, looking for advice.
My 12 year old is autistic and not enjoying school at all. She gets bullied and there are always rumours about her going round. The latest one is that she's a witch and curses people who annoy her. The main problem is that a couple of kids have told teachers that she started it all so she's now been labelled an attention seeker. Obviously, because of her autism she does have social challenges and doesn't understand certain social cues but she only wants to make friends and we've spoke about oversharing and appropriate conversation topics so I believe her when she tells me that she didn't start it. She has told people they will die a certain way, while not great, she has only said it to shut them up after they corner her and pester her to answer. We've spoke about the need to get a staff member in this situation.
All this on top of her autism challenges have crippled her confidence to the point of being suicidal. She's only in uear 7! I can't leave her to this for another 4 years at least. She's under CAMHS but has asked to be home schooled. I've tried looking into this but can't find anything resembling proper education other than really expensive online school. Can anyone point me in the right direction? Where do I start?

Does she have an EHCP? If not, did you know you can apply as a parent? All the info you need is on the IPSEA website.

If she does have an EHCP, does it include anything aimed at social skills or emotional regulation?

What did they do at primary and at secondary to support her transition to this school? Is the year leader helpful? Have you met the SENCO?

Do you have any other school options?

It seems a bit extreme to go from "year 7 isn't working well" to "must home educate" but maybe you have already tried a lot of things.

There isn’t one set way of electively home educating. Some use online schools, some pay for specific sessions either online or in-person but not full online schooling, and some don’t pay for any groups/sessions.

I second requesting an EHCNA if DD doesn’t already have an EHCP.

Have you spoken to the SENCO?

If the school isn’t dealing with the bullying, have you escalated the matter?

Yes I agree with @Phineyj there are a number of things you could consider first.

I might look first at a meeting with the SENCO at her school and investigate what the school can do to help. And yes, what were things like in primary? were there similar issues or was she fine? Has anything changed? If you have other school options I would explore these too.

I have not HEd my DC but I know a bit about it as I work with a lot of HE YP. It can really be a game-changer in many cases, for sure; but it requires a strong commitment. HE for secondary brings challenges around accessing the right support for specialist lessons. Do you have any skills @DefinitelyNotAStepfordWife? Would you be able to be at home to support? While it's not essential in a way with a secondary-age DC, it might be helpful for KS3 at least. Are there any subjects where you have the level of knowledge needed?

If not then you may be looking at tutors, whether group tutoring aimed at HE families or 1-1 (obvs more expensive). There are also online schools like Kings Interhigh – I mention that bc a friend of mine has had success with kings for their ND DC. You mention "really expensive online school" (is that Kings?) – I am sure some HEers would say (in fact I have read it here) that HE need cost little or nothing, but if one parent has to stop work or scale down their working hours, or if tutoring sessions or online school are needed, then there's a cost there. Also when it comes to exams there are significant entry costs for GCSEs. Depending on subjects studied, it can be a challenge for HE YP to access the practical elements (not impossible tho).

There is a HE board on MN which may be able to offer better advice than I can.

I've tried getting her an EHCP but they said no so going through the appeals now. I had a next steps meeting with the SENCO yesterday and they said it was declined because her problems seem to be down to her mental health, not autism. It's also the head of year that has labelled her as an attention seeker.
Primary did nothing for her, they didn't tell the secondary anything about her during transition, even though they promised they would. They also refused to help get an ehcp before now because "they're only for the really disabled children".
Academically she's on target, but a year behind in her reading comprehension so they're saying (the EHCP people) that they don't see the need for intervention, just CAMHS.
We've been fighting to get her support and just simple acknowledgement since lockdown. We're all worn out and I'm lost on what to do next.

I would not deregister and EHE if you have a live appeal. Whilst you can continue the appeal and EHE, the LA has even less incentive to concede if you EHE. They will gamble on a proportion of parents continuing to EHE.

It doesn’t matter if DD’s needs are a result of her mental health rather than autism. Although that is probably not true. Her SEMH needs are probably secondary to her ASD.

That sounds really tricky.

The primary were wrong, but I think most of us with kids with EHCPs have heard something like that at some point.

Is your tribunal a refuse to assess one? Do you have any idea how long it may take?

How is your daughter doing academically?

Academically she's about on target. Yeah, it was a no to assess. I don't know how long it take but hopefully not long.
My daughter has always just wanted to be normal and we've tried so hard to help her accept herself exactly how she is but since about year 4 she started noticing how different she is and that's when the mental health problems first started.
I'll stick with sending her to school for now and keep trying with the EHCP appeal. I'll also look at King's interhigh that was mentioned before, just to keep options open.
I'm not confident in many subjects really. I thought i was but my eldest is in year 10 and I barely understand anything she's doing so I know I won't be any help if I did deregister my 2nd. I am home everyday though because of disability, although I'm also studying with the aim of going back to work in the next few years.

I think we waited about 5 months for a refuse to assess appeal back in 2022 but @scoopofmintchocchipicecream may know how long it's taking at the moment.

I know what you mean about the GCSE content! I teach A-level so of course I know my specific subject, but I wouldn't fancy taking today's English, Maths and Science papers.

Have you only just submitted the appeal? If not, the documents you received when the appeal was registered will tell you when it will be heard. Wait is about 5-6 months for RTA depending when submitted.

There are various routes, even EOTAS, you don't have to always go the EHE route (although many do, as it's the quickest way to change things if other options are not quite accessible right away).
If you have some time to think about it while keeping your daughter in the school for a little bit longer, then I'd say look up various home ed organisations and charities for independent advice. There are a lot of great groups on Facebook, too — just keep an eye on what's independent advice and what might be someone's agenda (perhaps they want to just push their business).
Why I say "think about it": as once you deregister, there's no guarantee to get your spot immediately (or at all) back if you change your mind. You can absolutely get your daughter back to school, but it's not always very quick. That's the only thing to consider.

But now, as for the actual "where to get the proper education" question. It depends on whether you're planning to home educate in a way to recreate the school learning? Have a full timetable and proper structure? A lot of home educators take advantage of the fact that they don't have to "recreate school" at home. You can discuss with your daughter what you should be focusing on and give her more freedom in choosing extracurricular activities that are really inspiring for her, rather than just ticking off the syllabus and curriculum for each typical school subject. You also won't need all the exams like they take them in schools and you can take them at different times (I mean, this itself is for a completely different discussion).

So, the first question to ask would be, "What would the proper education look like for my daughter if we home educate?" This is what I'd be asking in your situation, as that would lead you to better plan for your daughter and her education 😊