Move now for schools, or stay until secondary in current area? Help please feeling lost and confused

[Starryeyed2021]

Hi all;
im feeling a little lost/ sad because im struggling to make decisions for my children’s future and it makes me very emotional.

we moved with my husband after marriage to a rural town far away from London due to my husbands businesses. It’s quite a deprived area seaside town, but as our jobs are in healthcare we’ve done well financially so we have achieved a nice house, cars holidays etc etc

my husband however ultimately wants to move away as he thinks no future for kids here, far from connections airports etc etc
we did try to move before my oldest started school but we couldn’t sell our house and now she is in reception and the youngest 2 years old.
Luckily we managed to get a good primary school in a rural parish nearby, so I was happy to stay on but my husband keeps pushing to make the move now, but I’m struggling to accept moving my child out of a school where
a- made good friends ( good families to mix with)
b- good school

if we moved now there no guarantee we could get into a good school again, would need to be a very specific area with good primary and secondary.
I suggested waiting till the secondary mark, he says it’s too late and even worse to move them then as they’re more settled but I feel it’s a waste and risk to lose the primary school we do have over the unknown?? The secondary schools in our area now are quite bad so as it stands I would need to move for secondary unless big changes happen.
I’ve been an emotional wreck as I don’t want to upset my child moving her school over my stupid decisions. Not sure what to do, as much as our area is crappy I’ve also finally settled here after years of struggling to accept it . Any advice anyone?

It sounds as if you're thinking of moving somewhere that has decent primaries as well as secondaries, so it doesn't sound as if you'll be taking her from a good one to a bad one. Kids are quite good at making new friends, so don't worry too much about that - she'll soon make new friends, and it is much easier whilst still quite little.

I think making the move when you only have one child in school is easier as you only need 1 school place. It will be harder to get 2 children into the new school but people move all the time so it isn't like no school places come up.

We moved but before primary school. We were in a very small town and we knew that finding jobs locally was hard for us never mind our children in the future. We moved to a city, lots to do and see for the children when they were little and now they are adults. There are job opportunities and transport networks to enable them to get to places.

What I would say is if you are relocating consider renting for 6 months in the new place as local knowledge is not to be underestimated. We have relocated more than once and got burned the first time.

You cannot live by not upsetting your child. Your Dh wants to move and his reasons are valid. Your relationship to him is important. You know you will have to move for secondary which will be much harder when your eldest has had these friends for 6 plus years. Primary schools are a great way to meet other parents in the playground etc. Secondary, you don't know any parent, there is no playground pick up or chat. It is like a complete disconnect, you never even see your children's teachers until parents' evening.

We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. That is all we can do as parents.

If you are going to move at some point, it will be easier to move now than later. It's impossible to line things up perfectly for good secondary schools. You have to apply by the Oct beforehand, which usually means having moved by then, unless the school is undersubscribed. This means moving your DD for at least year 6, and moving your younger DC too. This then means trying to find 2 school places and at an age where friendships can be harder.

I do however sympathise, as if things are working at the moment, it seems a shame to disrupt it. As you say, it can be harder to get a place mid-year, but this depends on areas. Some areas have places in popular schools due to decreasing birth rate.

I would move now. Children are really adaptable at reception age and she should settle into a new school really quickly. You say you'll need to do it anyway - there's every chance that your children will be more upset about it when they're older than they would be now.

If you’re going to move, the sooner the better. No-one likes being the new kid at school, but it’s better when you’re 6 than when you’re 11. And right now you’ve only got the one child to disrupt and there won’t be an impact on the second.

Although I am curious, you said you couldn’t sell
your house before and right now the housing market is pretty slow. Why do you think you would be able to sell it now?