Would you move schools again after bullying and concussion concerns?

[Poppy2520]

Hello, I am in desperate need of opinions,
My son is getting bullied so badly in school (Primary 3) he has autistic traits and sensory issues with his ears.
The same group if boys have been targeting my son for months now and not a week goes past he don't get something done to him.
I have been to school I don't know how many times and in meetings with head and CILL worker, have made complaints with local council who have spoke with head teacher also, they reassured me they would keep eye on things etc but something else has now happened to my son, I went in to meeting as my son is in so much distress now saying he is scared to go in, in the recent meeting the head teacher stated she thinks my son is putting this all on and lying about certain things to be able to stay at home with me, I taken everyone's views into consideration but I said no not with the state he is in and in severe distress, he is seeing the wee boy in places he is not now. few weeks back the boy through a heavyset ball at my sons head that it impacted on him stumbling back into the net and vision going blurry with seeing only white (lasted a min or two) unfortunately as my son has autistic traits some things were not said in detail until recently and after the incident, although my son had severe earache and headache the next night those were only symptoms at the time and I rested him in bed with Calpol and the next day he seemed fine, in the past two weeks he has been acting odd and telling teacher the boy has been doing this gs to him although the boy hasn't been in school at the time, he has been getting very confused about a lot of things and even forgot his class teachers name and started calling her by a different name!. I immediately got a doctors appointment as it got worse and just on Friday there he was seen in hospital and has been diagnosed with concussion and trauma with the constant bullying. I am wanting to take my son out of the school asap as non of them believed him and said because no witnesses it's hard to know if happened but they said not saying it didn't happen either, but time and time again they are just seeing my son as the issue and not doing anything about the children misbehaving.
It's not only my son that is getting stuff done to him either.
My situation here is I've moved my son schools twice now this being third school, as the other two didn't suit him as open plan and really noisy (he has hyperacusis) and the crowds and being too busy also. This school has walls and doors to each classroom and at beginning he was getting on well and everything seems to be working out, then one of his teachers ended up in a car accident was off work then never returned and went to a diffo school , the teacher he has mon-wed is constantly off also and the class don't have any stability I feel and the kids are just not getting any discipline or motive to behave. My son has never hit anyone or done anything to anyone he is quiet and tried his hardest to join in but they push him aside,
One incident before the ball hit him on face he pretended to faint in playground to try gain a friend but this was opposite and two P6 girls went to him and screamed in his ear telling him to get up and he was a stupid little boy, he was in tears when I picked him up and told me all this, I had a meeting with head teacher she told me the girls were asked about this and they did not know anything or what head teacher was taking about the head teacher "I"doesn't know" if it happened or not basically my son is lying but unfortunately due to this situation he has been left with his hyperacusis made worse and now got titinitus. Even after head teacher knowing this she still not convinced it's happened.

I just don't know what I am to do as it seems my son's injuries are irrelevant and because no witnesses then nothing can be done about it kind of thing.
Some people have said to me about homeschooling but I've no idea what this involves and I'm a bit concerned my son won't get the social interaction he should get also, and he is entitled to an education also even with his conditions, my son is kind boy not done a thing wrong to anyone.
The only thing he has done wrong which I've been spoke to about is he is asking his classmates if they want to have his snacks and he is over sharing, to me this seems he is trying to gain friends.

Any feedback would be appreciated in what other mums would do in my situation or have done, thanks.

The head teacher does not know about the concussion and trauma as yet, because we went to hospital on Friday and diagnosed late Friday night early Sat morning.

I think if you are on the 3rd school that isn’t working out the chances of another one being any better are small. You either need to home ed or get a special school place but those are very hard to come by and would need an EHCP. Does he have one of those?

There might be another possiblity other than it happened exactly as your son said or it didn’t happen at all and that is that his perception of what happens is different because of his ASD and anxiety. It seems as though he maybe finds things more frightening than an NT child would in the same situation. That’s not his fault of course and he’s telling you what his real experience was but it could also be true that it doesn’t seem so serious or dramatic to others as it feels to him.

If he is frequently saying things happened that could not have done such as incidents with a particular pupil when that person is off and doing things like lying down pretending to faint then surely you must see that it’s hard to take his account at face value. It’s all an expression of his distress and it’s clear he’s not coping in that environment. He’s either going to need a lot more support via and EHCP or a different environment. I don’t think a mainstream setting with no extra funding for additional support for him is going to be able to change enough to make it OK for him.

If you're already on the 3rd school, then it's more likely that you'll need to look at whether he qualifies for a special education place. I'm assuming you're in Scotland as you've said P3, I don't know how the system works there but maybe contact the school and ask them to request the assessments needed (I think Scotland has a different system to our EHCP's?)
The difficulty with the school is that if he's not always truthful about what's happening then it's difficult for the school to meditate (your example of throwing himself on the floor to gain a friend for example) it then means that subsequent reports of similar things could be seen as attention seeking.

Yes but I have spoken to him thoroughly and other people also doctors etc and not once has his story changed and he is in such distress that nobody is listening to him or believes him that the kids are bullying him, I am a witness to the boys in question giving him daggers on one incident, I know when my son is lying and telling the truth and he wouldn't be in such distress trying to explain to the teachers. He has been diagnosed with titinitus after been screamed at in ear and now concussion and trauma so it can't be a lie, but the head teacher did state in last meeting" could he be oversensitive" either way being shouldn't be happening.

What does home education entail? Some others have mentioned it to me but I'm unsure what it fully means, does the school give the work home and then hand in to be marked etc? My son is on GIRFME plan and the schools here just forget about it and change it so much, he does not have a consistent routine for himself to follow at all. The head teacher who set up his plan for to go into school at 8.45am to avoid the crowds then took him out and around to line up and go in front door with all adults and crowds there which he has always struggled with and she knew this but still decided to put him in this situation and made his anxiety worse, I've no idea why this was done tbh.
What I do know is my son is not lying about the bullying, the heavyset football that hit him on face definitely happened as he came out with markings down his face but she is still saying nobody seen this and she spoke to pupils and they say didn't happen so why has my son got marking a on his face and why has my son got concussion.

Home ed involves deregistering him from school and teaching him yourself/going to groups at home. The school would no longer be responsible for him and neither would the LEA (in England at least). It does sound though like 3 schools in that this environment is making him extremely distressed regardless of whether he is interpreting things differently to how an NT child might. ISA specialist school an option in your area?

No I don't find it hard to take his worries at face value at all, as I know the things he has said to me has happened and are genuine as he is left with medical problems from the bullying the distress behaviour he presents with when worried is definitely not an act and far from it. Also I know when my son is lying and telling the truth, and his story has not changed at all when explaining it time and time again, so no I believe my son, and the whole seeing the boy who is not there is part of his concussion and trauma from the bullying, but yes he is finding the whole situation more stressful than what a neurotypical child would this I beleive is true, but shouldn't be happening. There is no spaces in the schools here for children with Neurodiversity there all at max capacity and he is not eligible either as he apparently shows he is capable of maintaining education in mainstream setting and he has been on a lengthy waiting list for an actual diagnosis, since toddler age.
I'm concerned if I was to homeschool him then he won't get the social setting he needs, come high school this would not help. I'm also not the best with maths etc and I get no help from cdp to be able to pay for the continuous outings etc to keep his social aspects and interactions stable.

Hello thanks for feedback, what is an ISA school?

I’m so sorry your son is going through this! My strongest sense is that you should protect your son, firstly by giving him some immediate relief from his tormentors. By this I mean keep him away from the bullies but also the head teacher who is gaslighting/disbelieving him and belittling his distress. Give him and yourself time to assess, recover from injuries (both emotional and physical; giving someone a concussion is assault!). I hope you have the time and resources to be able to do this as obviously it can be difficult economically. Homeschooling isn’t so hard at this age; lots of workbooks which look quite fun (you can try Vinted and charity shops as they add up!), and there are some homeschooling groups on Facebook for coordinating get-togethers for PE/games. Regarding his maladapted attempts to make friends (eg fainting) and possible autism; maybe talking to someone might help. Perhaps a play therapist or art therapist - therapy training schools have students who will work for free (ask where they are getting their experience/clinical hours before qualifying). Good luck to you and your son.

Thankyou and this is exactly what I am doing, I have reported his absence for two weeks and awaiting on doctor letter to confirm his diagnoses to hand straight to head teacher and to show this has actually happened etc without my son been branded to exasperated situations etc. it's awful made to feel this way and can only imagine what my son is feeling along with his already condition, even without any autism etc no child should face this!. I am livid now and he won't be returning to this school, no ways. I won't be home schooling as he is entitled to an education and they have to adhere to this and the school should be making sure he is safe, the more I have thought about it the more I can see that why should my son miss out on education because of bullying and a school that clearly is not run properly at all, the other school he was at had very little of this maybe an odd occasion kids misbehaving but it was just the set up of school. So no something has to definitely be sorted for my son. Thankyou so much for your input but over were I am there really is limited play dates and clubs etc for Neurodiversity children, put it this way if I win the lottery it's the first thing I would invest in for the children along with a fleet of car hires etc specifically designed.