Going round in circles about whether to delay August DS

[Givemepickles]

I'm driving myself doolally thinking about this. My DS is late August birthday. I can't decide whether to delay him a year or not. This is based on him as a person rather than just because he's summer born. If I delay, my LA will put him into Reception at 5 years old, not into Year 1. Please help me decide!

Some background info:

He's going to a village school with 20 - 25 per class. One form entry. Very nurturing however they won't allow part time in reception so he has to be full time from the start unless I want to go to battle with the school. They've made that clear.

This is what I see as pros and cons.

Pros:

• reading many posts about children not coping from Y1, Y3 or Y7 and so on and parents wishing they had delayed at the start but it was hard to tell in reception as it's still play based so by delaying we would give him a better chance of being ready at those stages
• up until recently I've been pretty sure he would get an adhd diagnosis - he has been a very challenging child with extremely sensitive temperament, cries easily and injures himself constantly, sensitive to texture, noise etc and used to smack his head in frustration. He absolutely cannot stay still and throws himself about if he has to sit on a chair and that leads me to worry about expectations down the road that he can't meet.
• going into secondary he'll be a year more mature if we delay which will hopefully mean he copes well and is less likely to follow bad behaviour. He is very much a follower at the moment for good or bad.
• get to spend another year with him enjoying time together finally. We have never been abroad since he was born as he couldn't handle things like that but he's finally turned a corner. For about a month he's been much calmer and we can see ourselves doing 'normal' things for the first time. But with school about to start that would be much more restricted
• spending a year in forest school and preschool with no big expectations. He's been going to forest school one day a week since Easter and is thriving. We think this may be what's making him calmer.
• gives him more time to grow out of toddler behaviour and mature more. We've seen a massive change just in the last month and would love him to continue in this trajectory. Would school potentially harm that progress as it's adding pressure and he copes badly with pressure?
• he currently shows no interest in 'learning' as such like phonics or counting, crafts, painting, any of that type of thing. He's not one of those kids desperate to get on to that. His interests are running, climbing and hiding under heavy cushions as much as possible. He does love PE though so would enjoy that but then he could do that at any age.

Cons

• we have a second DS who is June born so do we delay him too? He doesn't have any of his brother's temperament and seems very focussed and emotionally easy going but how would it feel to them as brothers to delay one and not the other?
• potential bullying or being picked on for being 'held back'. Obviously this is total rubbish as it's an arbitrary deadline and he has as much age in common with kids Sept - Feb in the year below as he does March - Aug in his year. But kids bully and we'd hate to have caused him to feel different or stupid.
• potentially having to play out of cohort in school sports competitions. We know there is dispensation for FA football and England Rugby but what if all his mates are on the school football team and he can't play with them and has to play year above? He may feel very left out.
• he's going to a small village school rather than our large catchment school so when he joins secondary he won't go up with many people. If he's out of cohort this may be the first thing people know (if he can't be on the football team for example) rather than going up with a big group of friends who have forever known he's out of cohort and it's ancient history.
• he is HUGE. He will likely be the tallest child whichever year he goes into but in his official cohort that will be fine as people will just laugh that he's the youngest and so big. However, he could get nasty comments etc if he's in the year below and told he's so big because he's in the wrong year. Again this is ridiculous as he's literally days from the cut off and would be exactly the same size if born a week later but people say horrid things.
• he seems 'ready' by the criteria - he's outgoing, confident, sociable, has masses of friends, great at using the toilet and dressing.

Please help me decide. I cannot stop thinking about this! I need to give his preschool an answer soon so they don't give his spot away in September if we still want it.

@Givemepickles preschools/nurseries differ as to how structured they are - my DS went to one that was mostly free play which suited him, whereas my DD went to one attached to a school that had a lot more formal learning, so really depends where your son’s nursery sits on the spectrum as to how much of a step up reception will be. They still have a lot of play but there are structured large group/class sessions on the carpet where they will be expected to sit still, focus and listen, and then learning in smaller groups at tables.

The really big step up is between reception and year 1 - where the play time reduces significantly and they move to spending majority of time at desks and much more class teaching.

Boys do mature a lot more slowly than girls in terms of school readiness at this age - your DS sounds totally normal but also sounds like he would benefit from some extra time to mature. Being a very young boy is a disadvantage for most.

That can only happen if a child has to repeat a year. In that instance the head teacher decides on their education.

If a child is delayed a year before starting school then they are protected by the Summerborn guidance from government which states the child will never move back to original cohort unless parents and head wish that in the child's best interests.

If the secondary school you've heard about has made a child skip a year then the parents can complain to the governing body. The school will then have to justify it is in the child's best interests to miss a year of education, which they cannot do, and the parents will win. Unfortunately they make it hard work which is why schools get away with it but the law is on the child's side.

Technically Reception is a continuation of Early Years Foundation stage, learning through play within a structured day with literacy and numeracy sessions. However different schools implement it with differing levels of formality. In some schools there are separate areas for EYFS and older classes. Year 1 is part of keystage 1 where more formal classroom learning starts. You need to visit to see what it looks like at the small school, if age groups are taught combined within keystage, for example, and learning differentiated by ability.

I sent both my summer borns to school with their cohort. My eldest had severe speech issues, the extra help he got was amazing. Very minor speech issues now, working ahead for reading and English and as expected for maths.
Youngest found school really hard at first but did need more than preschool. Was behind for most of reception but now in year 1 is hitting all targets. Has also had extra help.
Are the school going to offer extra help? Are the school going to make allowances for his age?

I would definitely defer.

As a PP mentioned, August borns never catch up - their A-level results are worse than their September peers. Why would you want to disadvantage your child?

In your specific child’s case it really sounds a no brainer. His concentration will improve over the next year, giving him time to mature and start reception ready, not struggling. An extra year old childhood is a gift! And given he is only a few days from the cut off he is only getting a few days more time over what a September born child gets!