Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To insist DD goes to local 6th form

34 replies

Smileatalltimes · 17/03/2026 07:49

DD having previously been keen to do A levels at her current excellent school, has now decided she wants to go to college 35 miles away in London to study media.
This will involve a long walk to the station in the dark (in winter) and significant travel costs.
If she stays at school we are letting her choose her subjects (mainly creative subjects she likes). She can also continue with the extra curricular activities she enjoys here.
If she really wants to leave there are 6 other schools and colleges nearby she could go to. She's refusing to consider the other schools and says they're all rubbish, without even looking at them.
Are we unreasonable to tell her that she must stay on in 6th form and at least give the A levels a try? If she hates it after a year she can drop out and possibly try the London college (she will be 18 by then).

OP posts:

SlipperyLizard · 17/03/2026 07:53

Unless you’re willing to pay the travel costs (or she has a job that means she can pay them) then going to the London college isn’t an option for her, is it? That would be my response.

WateringCans · 17/03/2026 07:57

I think I’d have a chat with head of 6th form and ask - if she went to college and hated it, what’s the latest they’d have her back ? Our 6th form (rural) used to lose some good students to local college in nearby town. If they were academically strong, we’d take them back up to the autumn half term (on the proviso that they caught up with what they had missed - hence needing to be academically strong). Lots of ours liked the idea of college, but the reality of longer days / commuting soon kicked in.

my advice would be to focus on the benefits of 6th form, rather than the negatives of her idea. It’s two very different propositions. But she needs to be happy and engaged, some students thrive in a more grown up, college environment…

DallasMajor · 17/03/2026 07:58

What are the issues

Can you afford the travel costs- is she currently at a private school?

How far is the walk, what are you worried about there?

You say she can try after a year. Why does a year make a difference to either of the above?

Smartiepants79 · 17/03/2026 08:00

Who’s paying?? And is the London college really any better than the local colleges. Will they take her? I do agree with you that on the face of it it’s not a very sensible or practical option. But it does depend on how much she’s prepared to put herself out to go to the college. It’ll have to be all on her.

user1486915549 · 17/03/2026 08:01

What qualification does the media course lead to ?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 17/03/2026 08:03

Is she Y11 now?

purpleme12 · 17/03/2026 08:06

How long a walk do you mean by long?
And I understand it might be dark (because it's always dark if you're getting up early in winter) but is it actually an ok walk? Ie fairly safe, not secluded etc?

And can you afford the prices of travel? Don't know how the prices are

Seeline · 17/03/2026 08:45

This is tricky.

A levels are hard. They are a huge step up from GCSEs. If a student is not fully committed to their choices, it will be a big struggle to do well.

Many students also feel the need for a change after GCSEs, and a different college or 6th form is common.

But, a 35 mile commute is unusual. How long will the journey take? What about when there are train strikes, snow, engineering works etc?

What is so special about this course/college? Don't any of the other options offer a similar course - BTEC etc? Have you gone to open evenings etc? Ultimately at this age, I do think the student needs to have a say in where they go next, but it has to be a practical choice.

isthatmytrainleaving · 17/03/2026 08:49

I would just sit with her and get her to work out the logistics herself, get her to talk it through with you. Get a piece of paper and a pen, get her to write this down with you. She needs to be in the London college for what time? So what train would she have to catch? What time would she be at the station for? How long does it take to walk there so what time is she leaving the house in the morning? How long does it take her to get ready and so what time does she need to be up in the morning?

I had to do all this with my parents when I was 11 as the faith school they enrolled me in involved 2 buses.

Also get her to look into the cost of the travel. Who is funding this? Maybe on a weekend she trial runs this now or on a weekday in school holidays to see how it feels. This may help convince her that this is a bad idea due to timings and having to do this every day, getting there and returning home. She will probably be incredibly tired too depending on the length of that commute.

Don't accept the statement that all the other schools closer are rubbish, she isn't 7. She can put together a reasoned argument for it but she has to show she has at least looked. If she wants to be treated more like an adult she needs to approach this in a more adult fashion.

Original poster

Smileatalltimes · 17/03/2026 09:02

There are similar courses locally but I think she thinks it will be fun to go to London. It is a 30 min walk to station, mostly through a town centre, plus a 15 min walk at the other end. She currently struggles to get up in time to leave the house at 8!!
She has an ad-hoc job with a few non-regular hours, not enough to pay for the train . Although we could afford to pay the fare, we don't want to, when it's not necessary to go to this college.
She doesn't have a career idea really, maybe something in TV...she thinks it sounds fun. I've pointed out that she could go to Uni after A levels to study media, is she is still interested in this by then

OP posts:

Original poster

Smileatalltimes · 17/03/2026 09:06

There are very similar courses locally. She only agreed to look at one other school and one college in our town, but has now decided they are rubbish!
I think she's being influenced by friends. Apparently 2 of them want to go to this college in London...

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 17/03/2026 09:08

Is this for this September? She is surely rather late to be applying??

tripleginandtonic · 17/03/2026 09:11

Its her life. Let her live it. Ive supported I've supported my dc in whatever school, college, jobs they've wanted to do.

redskyAtNigh · 17/03/2026 09:15

Saying "no" will likely make her more determined.

So talk about practicalities. Tell her what allowance she will have in sixth form and how that will need to cover her travel. Ask her work plans to cover the shortfall. Suggest she tries the commute to see how long it takes (noting that if she does this in the school holidays there will be fewer people).

Has she been to a college open day? Has she been to an open day for a college nearby that offer the same/similar course?

If she really wants to do it, she will want to make it work. If she doesn't really want to, then some of the above will make her think twice.

Alternatively, just nod and smile and see how she feels in August.

Snoken · 17/03/2026 09:34

At that age I think they should be trusted to make the decision themselves. I don't see what good it would do forcing her to go to a specific school. It doesn't really matter if she wants to go to the one in London because it sounds like fun, having fun is what your teenage years should be all about. If you can have fun and get good qualifications at the same time then that's surely a win. I think you are being petty by saying you don't want to pay for her commute unless she chooses the school you want her to.

clary · 17/03/2026 09:53

I think a lot of PPs have a good idea when they suggest she looks at the practicalities and sees if she can actually do this – what time she would have to get up, what time she would get home (does she do any extra curricular that could be impacted such as sport?).

What is the course? "Media" is a bit vague. Is it media A level? Film studies? or some kind of vocational media course like a Btec or T level?

If she is really planning on a career in the media, speaking as someone who has worked in the industry a lot, she needs to be writing and publishing; that's a lot more important than what course you do post 16.

She would be just as well advised (in terms of future media career I mean) to do A levels in English and history or maths and biology, or whatever she is interested in. Caveat: If this is a specialised college offering a targeted (say) film-making or music-editing course then its offer may be different from others. I would want strong evidence of commitment to that (as in, she already makes her own films or whatever it is) before I was prepared to spend ££ on travel. I presume it would cost at least £50 a week and maybe more?

Miranda65 · 17/03/2026 10:09

I'd be very wary about studying media. Sounds like she needs a reality check.... does she think she'll just be hanging out with all the cool people in London, before strolling into a TV job? That ain't happening!

Melarus · 17/03/2026 10:38

Is the college ELAM?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 17/03/2026 11:11

Smartiepants79 · 17/03/2026 09:08

Is this for this September? She is surely rather late to be applying??

Exactly

DallasMajor · 17/03/2026 11:17

Miranda65 · 17/03/2026 10:09

I hate this attitude - there are loads of roles in media which don't mean strolling into a TV job.

benten54 · 17/03/2026 11:20

She’s old enough to decide for herself without you helicoptering. She can try it. If it doesn’t work she can find an alternative and learn to own her own mistakes.
The more you demand the worse this will get

PrincessOfPreschool · 17/03/2026 11:20

I think it depends partly on how used she is to a commute. DS in Y12 and last year he could walk to school in 10 mins. This year he has a 45 minute (at best) commute and keeps being late, is reliant on public transport. He really really hates the travel aspect, though he likes school, and wishes at times he'd stayed at his school (didn't offer his favourite A level). If your DD really really wants to do this course, try and unpick why, but I'm also impressed that she is that determined and clear. You need to count the cost with her too - financially but also on her free time (travel cuts into that), energy levels (walking in cold rain!), friendships - making new ones, and time she can commit to the old ones. That's lots of 'cons' so she needs to be VERY clear on why she really wants this college and if it's going to be worth those cons. I would see if there is anything similar locally as well. If after going through it all, she still wants to go for London then I would support that as much as possible but also be clear that she needs to live with the downsides.

Octavia64 · 17/03/2026 11:22

I commuted 20 miles to go to a different sixth form.

my dc also commuted a long way.

i don’t think the distance is an issue necessarily - lots of people do that sort of distance because it’s the nearest place that offers the course they want to do etc, but it doesn’t sound like that applies.

maybe offer that she can apply there (what’s it’s entrance policy?) if she pays the train fare and gets herself there.

most sixth forms accept people switching up to three weeks after the start. It’s surprisingly common to start somewhere and realise it isn’t what you expect.

ImmortalSnowman · 17/03/2026 11:29

She has from now until college starts to work and save her money to pay for the train. You don't fund her when she can do the same/similar course nearby.

Serve her a lesson in making an informed decision @Smileatalltimes. Paying her own way being non negotiable should make sure she is going to this college because she really wants to.

canuckup · 17/03/2026 11:44

What eh first poster said

Let's stop entertaining these stupid ideas and actually apply some sense to parenting

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread