DD19 now started her degree sept 2024. Due to achieving a C instead of a B in one subject , uni said she could still study dream course but with different joint honours and different campus . Now this campus is 6hrs from us and is in rural west county , headteacher on results day begged her not to go that far but DD was set on this uni and course .
Cracks started to show when I picked her up for the summer to return to home town. When packing up her first year room , I realised she was throwing away photos of her and her uni friends in the bin and she said she’d explain later . In the summer , she had to resit one of her modules that she failed in the winter . I was encouraging her everyday to get started on the resit assignment, and she reassured me telling me she had started and would proactively update me on her progress . We ended the summer thinking she had submitted her assignment and all was well and that she’d return to second year in sept 25.
Early September on the resit results day , she receives a 0 . We ask her what’s going on , and she divulges that she had written up the assignment but submitted it 23hrs after the deadline ,and her uni have a strict lateness policy with resit assignment . So she had failed her resit attempt because of lateness not the quality of her work . The uni then wrote to her saying , because she studies law and had failed a core module it would bar her from ever becoming a barrister and it would be difficult to become a solicitor . These are the rules set by the regulation body for lawyers . They said she could continue into second year as intended or take a year off and resit this module , this is called a year without attendance , where she can stay at home and do the assignment again.
i was abit concerned as to how she managed to submit so late and get herself in this pickle . She said the whole summer she’d been dealing with the bullying she faced after falling out with a friend at uni , that she spoke to nobody on her course or in her flat for about 4 months . She had an on and off boyfriend since she was 17 and they broke up before she started uni , she told me that in the winter when she first did this assignment he was staying with her , and she went thru his found and found some nasty things , so was crying whilst writing the first ever attempt and they kept arguing. This was also her first sexual partner so I assume she was quite beaten down by this fallout . In an attempt to move on , she was seeing a classmate and was unwantedly touched by him , later she encountered racism incidents with locals . and had struggled with a binge disorder because of how isolated she was and was affected heavily by all of this . She couldn’t leave the house without having flashbacks she said , even walking by the trees or in the park would set off a visceral flashback to her uni campus that was built in a Forrest, where she’d walk to lectures alone and lonely . she would wake up at home and think she was in her uni bedroom and start becoming emotional . She was still 18 at this point but it was like taking care of a young child all over again , she was so broken and traumatised by what had happened . She was in extreme isolation for a long period of time and we never came to visit because she insisted we didn’t at the time . We explored filing a student misconduct case against these students , and she wrote the report but felt that it would burden her too much to pursuit the case as she was already dealing with a lot .
She said the night before she had to submit her resit , she was throwing up and this was because she had overeaten because of the disorder . So she was very weak and couldn’t write well … we explored getting her into a new uni where her bestfriend from secondary school is , they offered her a place but said she would have to join as a year 1 not year 2 despite studying the exact same modules . So she rejected it
Shes decided to do the year off and resit the module , she has been at home with us since September and successfully resat the module . This hasn’t been easy at all , I have had to work from home , she struggles to get out of bed and take care of herself . Getting in the shower is a struggle , wearing clean clothes etc . I had to return to work and I’d have to call every hour to make sure she was okay . We wanted to make a referral to the gp mental health but this has been not been done yet because she has improved since .
she has been looking for work , volunteering, anything. She had an unpaid role but the boss was horrible to her she would come home and have these episodes of emotional flashbacks where she would feel small and just awful . It really knocked her confidence but she left and has managed to volunteer with a very good organisation that she will be able to continue with once she returns in September to uni .
I decided to put her on universal credit because I could not be giving her pocket money and neither could her dad . She has applied to hundreds of retail , hospitality, cleaning even agency jobs and 0 responses. And I honestly do not know how to help her, she said job centre are not helpful but she continues to go. Permanent roles are tricky because she will need to leave by August to move back to uni , even part time roles are very difficult to get . I feel bad for checking in asking how her job searching is going, she uses alot of her time to improve her CV and look for roles . She Has improved with her self care alot , she now goes to the gym herself , goes walking everyday and I’m very pleased that she’s made progress on a personal level and this is what is making me okay with her not working .
It is a double edged sword because , being at home all the time, it gives her the time to improve but she also does slip back into those restrictive eating habits , unproductivity and dwelling on the things that happened . She told me she suspects she has autism and dyspraxia and is not sure how she will be supported when she gets back to uni .
just need to get this off my chest and I feel like I’m running out of ideas as to how I can support her with job search and wellbeing .