I'm aware thus is long I've bolded the issue/important bits at the bottom if you want to just read that and skip the rest.
My son is 13 and the youngest in his year (Aug 30). We moved back to the uk in January of yr 7, 2 years ago. The school isn't the greatest OFSTED wise and from now what we've experienced but it was the only one with space at the time of moving
We moved from Poland, so ds obviously had an accent though his English is fine. From the moment he started he was badly bullied and I spent a lot of time going up the school and calling which I think they saw me as a nuisance tbh and didn't take it seriously.
After putting up with being attacked verbally and physically on occasion he had had enough and when a boy grabbed him and shoved him into a gate and then punched him in the head because he was a “loner with no friends” DS got up and hit him back which the school strongly “discorage” so they were reluctant to do a lot.
And another occasion there was a group of older boys hassling him daily, I reported this to the school but nothing was done as around teachers they were getting along (obviously). I got a call one day from the assistant HOY saying she’d sent my son home 15 minutes early as during lunch he'd got into a “fight” with a group of older boys and one of the boys had came off worse - she felt. But he was sent home as she was worried there’d be more trouble on the way home. She told me he wouldn't be allowed to behave like this on the street as an adult as he’d be arrested. I found out from DS that the boys who had been bothering him for weeks had turned physical, one of them was restraining him whilst the other 2 hit him and tipped his water over him. DS said he somehow managed to break free and pushed the boy that was restraining him into a bush causing his face to get a scratch which the assistant HOY said it could've gone into his eye (”coming off worse”) and therefore my son was being punished. I ended up emailing and asking why DS - a 12 year old (beginning of Y8) was being punished when 3 bigger and older boys (14/15) were attacking him and he would surely have the right to defend himself on the street as an adult. I also asked if they really thought DS was the problem why did they send HIM home early to avoid anything happening to my son on the way home ? In the end DS wasn't punished but nor were the other boys.
So as you can see I have little faith in the school but there were still no spaces, I was even desperate and asked if he could be put in the year below if they had spaces but they said it doesn't work like that as he needs to be with his cohort even though if he was born 2 days later he would be with those younger children anyway.
The issues seemed to resolve itself and he became friends with a boy and his friendship group except this is where the issue of this post starts. I'll refer to the boy in question as J. For a while I thought great, he had friends and seemed to be doing better but DS is extremely quiet and J is charismatic and is much more confident than my son so therefore about to get the others “on his side” and to ignore DS whenever he spoke to them, only on 2 occasions but it still upset DS.
The first occasion was over the October halfterm, I could tell something was wrong and he told me that J has tried to kiss him a few months prior but DS had moved away, but because ds had been reluctant to go to his house he had tried to isolate my son from his own friends, gossiping about him and telling them that my son had kissed him and was being weird with him and encouraging the other boys to ignore him which they had been doing.
Another boy encouraged my son to talk to him about his problems with J which he did but then he screenshot it and sent it all to J, which caused major drama and J sent a photo of him “cutting” (ketchup) saying DS made him to it. But then they quickly made up and all was right
Then in Jan, J fell out with another boy(s) and again turned the others against them, ds told me whenever they were at school and he tried to go near the people he's “not allowed” to talk to J drags him away. I told DS he could talk to whoever he wanted as J was beginning to sound like a bully and not a good friend. ds ignored this.
Now the issue. On the Friday before half term I got a call from school, an hour before half term during PE my son had attacked J seemingly unprovoked, he shoved him to the floor and kicked him in the stomach more than once. The PE teacher was around but not directly supervising their group and because it was so close to half term they sent him home but have to investigate what happened this week but have said not to send DS whilst the investigation is going on or he can go in but he'll be in isolation during the investigation especially as this isn't the first time he's been violent. I know I'm biased but this is out of character for him to be violent for no reason, he's not said why he did it to me or the school, he says it doesn't matter now as they're friends but it won't look like that to the school. They'll take statements from J and the other witnesses. I've stopped my son going out with J this week which he's hated and said it's unfair.
What would you do? I'm tempted to just pull him out before the investigation is over but he has no school to go to or anything. I'm so stressed. I've not been sleeping all week