Parents Evening Disaster!

[Sourdough90]

We've just had a terrible parents evening for the youngest (going into GCSEs). Older two were always so 'perfect' and we're not sure what to do... ideas? We've always used tutors but our youngest just won't sit and engage... help!

What are your expectations of your youngest? Could you agree on tutor and whatever they have now or cut back on what you provide for them if they won’t engage?

What are their predicted grades - have they looked at what they need for next courses or for careers they want?

They need maths and English and ideally 3 others at grade 4 to make next steps post 16 easier.

If they won't use turtors would they use something like Uplearn.

Are there any underlying problems - or is it just recent attitude?

What’s the actual problem? Does the school think they’re lazy, just not that bright, or is there any suggestion of difficulty focusing or any other kind of Sen or issue?

Hey @Sourdough90 so what were the actual issues?

What did teachers say about behaviour and readiness to learn (as that’s the big one IMHO).

Was this core subjects, option subjects, both? Presume you only spoke to teachers whose subject DC is going to pick?

“We have always used tutors” – what does this mean? Has your DC had tutors throughout secondary – if so, can I ask why? Was there an indication that they were needed? How many subjects? Too much tutoring can turn a YP off.

Sorry for so many questions. I would look into possible SEN if none is identified as yet; and focus on core subjects yes, maths English science and any options they want to take to post-16.

I mean is your child academic? Do they want to purse an academic career? If my child struggled in school and wasn’t doing too well I would focus on the basics (maths, English, maybe a science or humanities they enjoyed) and then help them find a vocation or trade they like. My dad and brothers are tradies and earn more than me with my degree, I know hairdressers who make an absolute killing. Find them a vocation or trade and teach them business skills, how to market themselves, and also good interpersonal skills.

What does 'going into GCSEs' mean - Y9 and about to choose? Y11 and about to start the exams?

This is fairly normal for a third or fourth following after older ‘perfect’ siblings. They’re just asserting their individuality. I think you have to let them forge their own path.

My younger brother was just like this but found his feet once he started work.

If he won’t sit and engage … is it boredom, being unable to do the work or ADHD

Some children are great at school and very academic, others are not and that is okay. Have you spoken to your child and asked them how they feel about school and what is going on?

School just doesn’t suit everyone. Maybe you could get them thinking about a trade they want to do instead of an academic career?

My partner hated school and did badly, he left and went straight to brick work college; he’s been in the trade nearly 20 years now and earns a killing. There is no shame in not being good at school.

Isn’t it half term everywhere?

More information needed. Are they disruptive? Just not listening? Or struggling?

have you spoken to youngest?

I would have them assessed for ADHD privately asap as if you wait for NHS they will have already taken their GCSE’s by the time they get an appointment. We were so against medication but it can make such a difference.

Maybe stop calling their siblings perfect? I'm the youngest and got so fed up of being compared to my siblings I purposefully messed up at school just as an cat of rebellion

Don't compare them to their 'perfect' siblings - every child is different with different strengths and weaknesses.

i think it’s next week in some areas

Agree about comparing siblings. My two are chalk and cheese - one works hard, the other is (frankly) a bit lazy. But they are who they are and I can only do so much. Luckily the lazier one came first so I wasn’t comparing!

Difficult to advise without more info OP

What’s the issue? Are they selling meth or floundering in history?

Yes good point. I took it as year 9 and choosing options, but if its year 11 and going into exams then that's very different (and probs more of an issue).

But yy @Sourdough90 we need more info to help.

🤣🤣🤣

comparison is the thief of all joy.

I imagine your child hates being compared to the perfect ‘two’

if their behaviour is good, they try & the teachers suggest they are where they should be for their ability (& not where the siblings were) then there really is no issue.

not all children excel academically and actually the extra pressure probably does not help

Don’t compare children, they all have different personalities, talents and abilities. Also I’m a bit confused by your older children being “perfect” but “we’ve always used tutors” - no, perfect children don’t need tutoring. Tutors are for kids who are struggling.

Cue someone asking if your kid is neurowhatsit

This is excellent advice from Caterpillar and should be pinned at the top of the Education forum.

I've thought for a long time that we've got the balance wrong - academics, beyond the very necessary skills in maths and English, have been put on far too high a pedestal and we should be every bit as proud and supportive of a child's skills in car mechanics or building or whatever. As Caterpillar says, there's often much more money in that sort of thing anyway! My Oxford scientist DD earned a measly £19k a year on a DPhil stipend until she was 24 (this is not a brag - she then crashed out in the final year) and was much happier when she took a low-key low-stress job on a seed farm. Earned more too!