Should we move DD to specialist dyslexia school?

[Om83]

My DD is in yr8 and is struggling at her secondary school due to her dyslexia, so much anxiety around going to school and her self esteem is so low, it is really heart breaking.

She doesn’t have an EHCP as we were told she wouldn’t get one as she’s not ‘bad enough’, but it’s like she’s fallen between the cracks as she can’t cope with mainstream school. They have put some interventions in place for her which are inconsistently followed and even when they are are don’t actually massively help as she just needs more time and explanation, which in a class of 30 kids and a curriculum to get through is not possible. I have raised concerns, they are inflexible in how they approach learning needs, and they are too busy to respond properly, although have given her 6 weeks of counselling for her anxiety, whilst missing the point that her anxiety comes directly from not being able to keep up at school…

There is a private school near us that specialises in dyslexia, and my parents are in a position to help us with fees and will write it into their will to take it out of our inheritance when the time comes.

My daughter doesn’t want to leave her school because of her friends, and despite not enjoying it, it is ‘known’ and not scary like starting a new school would be.

My husband (who is also dyslexic) thinks she should stay at her mainstream school- that it will make her stronger and more resilient, and education is not the be all and end all, she will be ok wherever she ends up etc etc… he had a similarly bad experience at school and has done ok in life (we are happy and secure in home/work) but his low confidence from school and feelings of not being good enough have obviously impacted his life in various negative ways and held him back.

I can see my husbands point to some extent about building resilience - life isn’t easy and she will have to do stuff in life/work she doesn’t want to do… but at the same time why does she have to become strong by getting her confidence and abilities shredded apart everyday? No adult I know would put themselves through that!

We have thought about getting tutors for her, however on top of her school day and homework she is already burnt out and overwhelmed without trying to find time to get her to do more.

I know she will ‘survive’ if she stays where she is, but she won’t thrive. I know it will get harder for her as she goes up through the school, more tears, refusals to go and anxiety. I know if she can get through these tough years at school, she can choose entry level college courses, and likely need to redo her English and Maths, and she will make the best of the options available to her. If my parents hadn’t offered financial help then private school would not even be an option we’d ever dreamt of.

but… I think going to a specialist private school will improve her confidence in herself and she is capable, which is my biggest priority. The private school have more engaging teaching methods, slower pace, smaller classes, they can do less GCSEs but the opportunity to get better grades and actually learn the basics that she will need to get through life and give her the best start.

I know it would be distressing to leave friends, but she does make friends quite easily, she can see them outside of school, and how important are school friends (that may or may not be life long..) versus her long term self-esteem and education?? I don’t want to be blinded by her wants as a 12 yr old who can’t see the bigger picture in this, but equally she needs to be on board.

Also, it’s just such a lot of money to commit to, I find that scary. should it be spent now on her education to give her a good start or would it be better to give her larger lump sum later in life?

Overall I’m just angry for her that schools today still can’t meet her needs, and watching her fail and feel like a failure everyday is devastating.

What would you do?

Yes we have exactly the same and our DC is flying. Top set for lots of stuff now. But using laptops and extra 25% for exams to allow for slow and potentially inaccurate reading etc. . And recognised for lots of non academic stuff too. Really good for self esteem. We feel very lucky we could do this.

If it is feasible financially, I would approach the school to see if they will offer a place and some taster days. Alongside this, request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. Ignore those who have told you DD won’t get one.

I don’t agree with DH that staying where she is will force DD to be resilient. It could easily result in trauma instead if her needs aren’t being met.

I would check out the dyslexia school carefully first! there is a specialist one near me, but it is very small. The secondary classes have about 8-9 students per year, and they spend most of their time in that class. They split into slightly smaller groups for things like maths and phonics, but they are mainly together. Many of the children have other issues as well as or instead of dyslexia, but have been accepted by the school, but it makes for a challenging classroom environment, and also difficulties with friendships as the pool is so small. There are fewere extra-curricular activities, and the teaching in other subjects such as science, history etc, is quite patchy and non-specialist. Much of the teaching ends up being done by TAs in the small groups. There is no homework, which the pupils think is great, and for many who have been stressed by mainstream, it's a useful break, but in other respects, it's not great as the progress is very slow - the expectations end up being quite low, and most of them don't end up doing many, if any, GCSEs. I worked with one boy on maths, and I think with a bit of homework, expectations etc, he could have done foundation GCSE, but he wasn't pushed in the least, and he didn't do anything much at school as he didn't want to. So he likely won't end up having the chance to do it, whereas I think he would at a state school. And I've heard similar stories from others, including several who've left. They just didn't get enough academic input or expectations, past the primary years where the focus was on phonics/reading/spelling.

This is an expensive school and seemed to have a good reputation, at least for primary years, but I've been surprised once I've got to know a few pupils who have been there (or have been there but now left for mainstream secondaries). I would recommend someone in this area actually try different mainstream secondaries first (with EHCP) before that.

Or for a child who had less severe needs academically, but just found it hard to keep up, then a larger private non-specialist school that just had small classes, more individual attention, more support etc.

If you have one of the really good specialist dyslexia schools nearby, then that's very different! So check out the size of the year group, what exams they end up taking, what proportion end up taking those exams, what kind of options they get, what sort of extra curricular activities they can access if it's a very small school, etc. And maybe also check out private non-specialist schools too, if there is a non-selective one that is generally supportive, that might be worth a look as well. Visiting other state schools too could be worthwhile, as they do vary a lot in terms of what they can offer.

DD1 went to a specialist speech and language school. Many of the children also had dyslexia. There were about 65 children in the school. There was a class of 10 for the juniors, and the rest were in secondary. It may have only had a small pool of children, but it was the happiest time of DD’s life. She had plenty of friends.

I’m wondering if that’s HC? Sadly similar experience here although other parents will rave about it.

yes I suspect so. My information is somewhat out of date, and I believe they have expanded/moved, but I don't know if that has improved things

I think the profile of the kids has changed dramatically and is much wider in terms of need. When we first looked 9 years ago there were only a few EHCP kids, but now I hear it’s at 100% and a huge range of needs and abilities.

I’m dyslexic. I wish this opportunity was available to me. If you can, do it x

What did you decide? I got help from Abi at www.homestartuition.com - she helped us with Home Ed for DD and was amazing. We took her out of school because her literacy needs just weren't being met. Frustrating to say the least.. fortunately there are people who can help and advise.

Have a look at other private schools In the area.

she may do well in an ordinary private mainstream school with smaller classes.

rather than a specialist dyslexic school.
worth considering your options anyway.

and yes I would move her. If extra tutors would not fit in the week to make the best of the current school.

life is too short for every day to be shit and a struggle!!

Thanks for all your comments, just re reading and have done another post as now my husband is very much on board now we have seen the school and taster days have been done- it is amazing, small and nurturing but with a good range of GCSEs and pass rates.

daughter originally was an absolute no to the taster days, but we forced her to go- she liked the school, made friends that she wants to see again and said she found the lessons easy. Talking to the school it seems that they strip out any excess stuff not needed in the curriculum to give them more time to focus on and repeat key learning, more engaging methods, timetabled lessons include the ‘assistive technology’ and some kind of spoken English/presentation skill. They said they can stretch pupils as well, they can go in for higher papers if suitable, many students doing at least 6-7 GCSE’s, so seems academically ok. The head is heavily involved with the BDA.

daughter is now saying she won’t leave her friends and doesn’t want to go to the new school. It’s like when she is not in the middle of her distress about school it doesn’t exist for her, she has time blindness so it’s like she can only see the here and now and not the difficulties she will continue to face if she stays where she is.

do I force her to go like we did with the taster days (and we’re right about?!) I don’t want to betray her or lose her trust, but reading these comments I feel like as her parents it is definitely what she needs. 🤷‍♀️

Has she been to visit the dyslexic school? Check it’s not all or mostly boys

My son wasn’t keen on his special school (mainly due to the long commute), but we send him anyway. There is no way he would have come out of pur local secondary with more than 1 or 2 gcses. now he’s on track for 8, with expected grades between 6 and 9 (mostly 7/8)

I did this. DD wasn’t coping in Yr3 and so we moved her to a private school. Best thing we could have done for her. There’s no magic fix at a private school but there is time and support to allow her to thrive. Dyslexia isn’t just about spelling and reading, there’s so much more to it that you don’t even realise at the moment that will be affecting her on a daily basis;, my DD couldn’t cope with other kids being told off as it made her very anxious, she couldn’t easily follow chunks of writing from Powerpoints in lesssons as she learns by discussing topics, she needed coloured paper - just so many things that a mainstream school simply couldn’t provide on a daily basis. DD stayed in private until Yr7 then moved to a selective school with amazing SEN where she continues to thrive.