Should a teacher be asking children to actually name those peers that UPSET or ANNOY them during PSHE or CIRCLE TIME??

[MUM23ASD]

As that's DS3's latest tale of woe.

this week has been challenging to say the least...and i cannot 100% believe him...and DS2 says they are not allowed to name names in circle time.

However...apparently 6 children named ds3 and to 'check' if he was lying i asked him who else got named...and he did name some others.

I'm really concerned that he's making this up...and if so...how low is his self esteem????

However...what if he's not? i am firstly going to ask a couple of mums down the school to ask their children if the teacher did 'ask the class to name and shame'...and then approach the school- either regarding what i feel is wrong about the teacher doing this- or about what is going on in ds's head at the moment. esteem????

He may have ADHD/Aspergers syndrome and i have posted this in SN section too- but i just wanted a general view on this

How old is DS3? When you say 'may' is he currently undergoing Aspergers testing or is it a hunch?

This isn't really 'on-topic' at all, but a friend of mine told me about an anti-bullying policy at her DCs (Australian, private) school. All the DCs (aged about 8) were asked to write, anonymously, the name of the boy or girl in the class whom they regarded as being a bully, which the teacher then collected!

The interesting thing is, my friend's DS and HIS mate told my friend, a few weeks later, that they'd noticed a marked improvement in the bullying situation! We don't know whether the teacher actually approached the 'offenders' personally or whether the offenders had a pretty good idea who they were and realised the teacher was' on to them' thus upped their game!

I think the salient point was it was all anonymous- there was no public shaming, which of course should only be a last resort (there will be many who will cry "Never!" but personally I can see certain circumstances where public humiliation could be a very useful tool- but I can't say in this one.

It sounds very odd to me, what a funny way to go about things. How damaging it must be. The anonymous thing sounds much more effective. Public shaming is rather extreme.

tesla- yes he's seeing a paediatrician on 25th for a discussion ref ADHD...and a SALT on 30th @ school ref Aspergers.

And also yes to the hunch...i have 2 older boys both AS...so could 'see' it in ds3 long before anyone else found it problematic!!!

Ref the 'annonymous bully notes"....what a good idea.

I decided to not ask around at school as i had planned (thought other parent could ask their child if the teacher did indeed say all this)...but have decided to go formal and write to the head/senco and the teacher concerned...not a 'finger pointing letter' but rather one expressing my corncern that i'm sure that no teacher would say such things...and therefore my concern at what's going through my son's mind. (bit of reverse psychology here...as i'm thinking that i'd be unlikely to get a full confession from teacher...but if she has said all this...then maybe she'll feel guilty- and know she was in the wrong- or at least know how sad she made my ds feel.)

she is only just out of training- this is her 2nd year as fulltime teacher. I think she's early 20's...and the reason i am shocked 'if she has said any of this is that up to now she has seemed very positive about ds - and all this seems so 'out of character'

so i'm back to ds3 maybe taking her literally, or percieving things differently...or 'daydreaming' in part of a class- to 'rejoin' further on in the lesson- and getting the wrong idea what she is talking about- as he has been 'switched off' for while.

Oh

Your approach sounds good to me.

I have no advice, but a big snuggly hug

Ds is very subdued tonight- and went out to play to return home after 20minutes saying he had a tummy pain. So...he's either got a tummy bug...or he's anxious.

Flames...thanks for the hug... ds came home today and asked me for a big hug...i started to go all mushy cos he rarely asks for hugs...and he had stuck 'goose grass - sticky buds' all over my back!!!! trust me to fall for it!!!

DD gets anxious tummy pain too.

Love the hug

One of the rules of the circle time group I run is that NO ONE names and shames.

maid- thats why i am scared that ds has made all this up...and then concerned why....as i cannot believe she said/did any of this.
I feel sick about it all as i hate any confrontation with school...but feel this is something i must bring to light

Yes I think you must. it doesn't have to be a confrontation. A head teacher would take any parents concerns seriously.

and it gets worse.....

i spoke to his teacher yesterday ref his 1st day on meds (and she reported no difference )

But...what really 'got' me was when i mentioned in passing this 'naming and shaming' that ds reprted...and i 'decided to not believe...thinking he must have misunderstood...as no teacher would do THAT ....

Well she did say it....and the dummy/rattle thing.

so i explained to her how i hadn't believed ds...and how sensitive he was....and how i had assumed he'd got the wrong end of the stick.

she admitted it all...saying it was all in 'context'...and that it was more a question of 'what annoys you rather than who annoys you'

so i come home and apologise to ds for not believeing him.

and WILL MENTION THIS TO SALT ON MONDAY AND ASK HER WHAT SHE THINKS as i still think it is dreadful.

As far as i am concerned, if i were a teacher...and i had asked the question during circle time "what upsets or annoys you" and names got mentioned i would have stopped and changed tack- maybe getting them to write it down and then i would be the only one who knew.

If nothing else, the teacher now knows that I KNOW and what i do next she DOESN'T ....