If you went to Private school for Reception to Year 6

[Kiki234]

I want advice from people who have experienced private school in the early years. I have two DS's and am hoping to send them to private school from year 5 onwards but am not sure about starting in reception instead.

Myself and DH both went to a very poor state school and underperformed for our ability at GCSE's. We then achieved A's/A*'s in our A-level after moving to an average/better state school and are now doctors. I would consider myself to be quite smart and I always felt like I was being let down by poor behaviour at school. This was to the extent that I would miss math classes in secondary school to teach myself. Only to face the consequences of being in detention which was just ridiculous. It was incredibly difficult to have gotten to where I am now. I don't want my children to face the same obstacles as I did and I really want to do the best that I can for them.

We live in an area with poor state schools aside from one which comes across as being excellent. Me and DH both worked full time during University and we heavily invested our money which means that we are quite comfortable now. We could afford to send them both however I am not sure if this is the right direction for our finances to go. I am considering spending the money on it extra-curricular activities or even home schooling instead.

If you have any advice or experience, I would love to hear it!

I did. Then my parents moved me (and my sister) to state school at year 7. I’ll never know for sure as I don’t have a comparison for myself, but I’m pretty sure that the education I received in those early years gave me such a good grounding going into secondary - particularly the basics of grammar and arithmetic which were drilled with military attention . What state primary is less about is the social and networking aspect, which comes later through the secondary years, but I absolutely believe those years gave me an academic head start.

You need to check entry points with the schools you have in mind. Some take in more kids in Year 3 but then possibly fewer if any in Years 4-6. There tends to be more time for sport, matches etc plus more drama, music, art from specialist teachers so it depends what your priorities are. We planned to move for Year 7 but in the end moved at Year 3 and don't regret it. One advantage of joining part way through is you have another experience to compare it with so you can see the differences you are getting. On the other hand, being in a smaller class size from the start of primary can be helpful and so give a positive experience.

You can't buy a better brain for your children by sending them to a private school, but you can buy a certain confidence in life.
Our children started private school in nursery, then changed schools at the end of year 6. What they took with them was a sense of self belief which probably started to show itself in year 3 or 4.

If a private school has space in year 4 or 5, they will welcome you with open arms to fill those gaps and to keep the numbers up.

I would move to an area with better state schools first.

I went to a mixture of private and state schools for both primary and secondary (we moved a lot). My own kids will be going private for secondary but are at our village state primary. My personal experience is that able children who are well supported at home are going to get to secondary school age on a relatively level playing field as long as they aren't attending a school that's genuinely poor.

My main priority for primary is it being a place they actually want to go to every day, you can get that from any decent school, state or private. But I really don't think you can overstate the benefits of them being part of a local community and able to walk to school with the majority of their social circle living within walking distance. I've never really experienced that from a private school, the kids were always much more spread out. There are a few families in our village who use private schools and try to integrate their kids through extra curriculars but it's not the same and the children end up a little isolated because of it. I've been that kid and I didn't enjoy it.

We're ridiculously lucky with our village school, it has small classes, my daughter is in a Y3/4 class of 16 children, my son is in reception, there's 9 of them. It also has a swimming pool, huge playing field, forest school, a community orchard just beyond the gate that the kids visit regularly and lots of extra curriculars. My oldest has never, not once, had a day where she hasn't gone skipping happily into her classroom. I'm aware that might be colouring my perspective somewhat.

To be honest, given that the cost of 7 years of private primary for 2 kids is going to come in at 350k or thereabouts (I'm assuming 7.5k a term plus a bit of extra for uniform etc), I'd probably choose to spend that money moving to get a state school we were happy with instead. Houses near good schools hold their value so you're not even really spending the money, just investing it, then the kids benefit twice, firstly from the good school, and secondly from the increased assets that they'll presumably benefit from in the future in some form or another.

State schools receive funding per pupil, so having such small classes is a disadvantage in most areas as the school will struggle to cover fixed costs. Where I am in London, it would almost certainly mean a risk of the school closing or merging during your child's time there. There are lots of instances of that happening due to lower birth rates. In urban areas the most popular schools will always reach capacity, so the only way to get such small class sizes would be going private, or going to an unpopular school (which will usually be undersubscribed for good reasons). So the options will depend a lot on the OP's local area.

We have sent our dcs to private prep from age 3 and are happy with the decision, but we also spend a lot on extracurriculars. We wouldn't have considered home schooling due to the time and effort required. We didn't want to move house to be near a top-rated state primary as it would have meant moving to a less central and less diverse area, and the class sizes would still have been twice as big as our current prep.

I went up to 16 and my daughter has done a mix.

My personal experience was state until 7yrs old then private to 16 - mostly due to my parents divorcing and moving and a long drawn out custody battle. I remember being surprised I wasn't as good as I thought at maths, because they were more advanced. I do think generally the smaller class sizes are good for kids who have been through trauma. I also think I was at a point where I was acting out and gravitating towards naughtier kids in state school and there wasn't the option for this at private.

On the flip side dd has had a very stable upbringing and went to a Good rated state primary, where they diagnosed her as dyslexic. She struggled to get on with the girls and was often called sensitive by the teachers when boys would shout and she would cover her ears or get upset when they broke rules. She struggled with the girls as we are in a grammar area and they would be nasty about her spelling and dyslexia; told her she wouldn't get into the same school as them and ignored her at breaks. She passed 11+ but was adamant she didn't want to go to the grammar school so I used all of my inheritance (which I had saved for her) to put her into a private school for Y7. We have since had an assessment showing she is Autistic and I know that the private option is the best I could have done for her as a parent. I am glad she has experienced state education and had she not been dyslexic and autistic I think maybe the local options would have been fine, but if you have SEN there is no better option than the smaller classes and individual care at a good private school. People we know at the grammar have struggled to access any SEN support at all and all of the other local state options are below the national average. Your area might be different but it is worth checking.

The thing that stands out for me during primary school (private but abroad, for uk/us expats) was that we learned French in the final year.
This gave me a tremendous boost in French class at grammar school. (Yes, I am that old) and the advantage lasted through A levels.
I still speak reasonable French, because I like to keep it up via evening classes, immersion courses abroad, hosting students as well as multiple trips to France every year.
But it began with that early leg-up. I can confidently say it improved my enjoyment of life.

We have just moved our DCs (yr3 and yr5) from state to private. I would say you need to compare individual schools from state vs private.

The state schools around us are all rated Good but we found that the school was focused on getting as many pupils as possible to the expected level. This meant that our DC got lost within their classes of 30 as they were not struggling or misbehaving. Some of their teachers really didn't have any idea of what our DC could actually do.

After only being at the private school for 2 months both have gained in confidence. The smaller class sizes means that they can't sit in the background doing the minimum. There is more testing (I. E. after each topic) this means the teachers are more aware of what pupils can and can't do. Teachers will give different levels of work so the lower abilities feel they can achieve the work and the higher don't get bored.
Activities such as sports, music, drama and art are more integrated into the school day. As a result both DC have decided continue some of these in after school clubs whereas when I offered the same things at the state school they didn't want to. I think this was because they didn't know what to expect and didn't have the confidence to just give it a go.

I would say our eldest struggled more to settle in at the private school because of the higher expectations but by Christmas they were fine. The end of topic testing really gave them a boost to show what they can achieve.
Our youngest the difference was immediate as soon as he realised the teacher had the time to help him and he wasn't constantly getting distracted by others in the class his confidence grew.

I wish we had sent them there from reception but we wouldn't have been able to afford it. We hope that these few years will give them the boost in confidence to show what they can achieve. Hopefully with that they will be able to carry it through secondary school; which will be a state school although possibly a grammar.

Absolutely it will depend on area. DH and I are both governors so we have a reasonable understanding of the challenges and our school isn't in danger of closure. But that's because it's a rural area. If we were still in London we'd probably have decided differently because I'm sure a school with classes of that size would end up closing.

I went to private all through and have also taught state and private primary. My family did move abroad for two years during my education. I think this was really beneficial for me as a lot of girls who had been “all through” really struggled in the post-school years/with university. The environment for us was quite coddled. For that reason, I would do separate prep and senior for my own children.

As a teacher, I think a child from a determined family will do well anywhere. But in private school everyone pretty much has the same aim from the first day and you will find most families have similar values to yours at your chosen school as you all CHOSE the same environment. At a state school the values will be wider and parents’ ideas of what school should deliver will vary. I do think the children that join us before age 8 or 9, seem more confident continuing at private school. That said, I didn’t think my state school pupils lacked confidence in droves! It is perhaps more down to the move between the systems unsettling the new starts?