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Original poster

Young Carer - Grammar School admission

134 replies

busySunflower · 15/12/2025 14:18

My elder son who is a young carer has qualified for grammar school, the admission criteria says:
"Children who have exceptional medical or social needs (e.g. registered young carers), which can be met only at this school, supported by written evidence from a doctor, social worker, educational welfare officer or other appropriate person. "
Can some here guide me how do we mention that this school can only met the needs ?
Has anyone been through this journey, do we need to fill EMSAR ? EMSAR considers only one grammar school and it has to be top preference, our 3rd preference specifically prioratise young carer but we realised this very late.

This is for Bucks

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 15/12/2025 14:24

I don't know Bucks, and someone may know more than me, But to me the most obvious would be if you say it's the only school he can realistically get to and get back to fulfil his caring responsibilities? Or if there is another school closer find a way to qualify that. Does he have an EHCP, getting it mentioned on there would be, I think, the gold standard.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 14:33

He doesnt have EHCP, he has no additional needs but he is young carer only

OP posts:
OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 14:37

@busySunflower I’m Bucks - I’m confused. He’s qualified - what is wrong with your catchment grammar? There’s no bad grammar in Bucks. Why do you need an alternative? Which ones are you talking about and where do you live?

LemaxObsessive · 15/12/2025 14:52

A child of that age should not have ‘caring responsibilities’ ffs let him be a kid and go to the same school as all of his friends from primary. I have a severe disability and I’m a lone parent (DD’s father is deceased) but I refuse to allow her to become my carer as she deserves a life! She didn’t ask to be born. She is going to the high school that’s best for her next September and NOT what is best for me! Please put your son first.

busySunflower · 15/12/2025 15:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lookingforthejoy · 15/12/2025 15:56

There has to be some thing which this school providers which other don’t. That could be that this is the closest school to his house and therefore the most appropriate as travelling for longer will making it for difficult for him to fulfil his caring needs.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 15:59

LemaxObsessive · 15/12/2025 14:52

A child of that age should not have ‘caring responsibilities’ ffs let him be a kid and go to the same school as all of his friends from primary. I have a severe disability and I’m a lone parent (DD’s father is deceased) but I refuse to allow her to become my carer as she deserves a life! She didn’t ask to be born. She is going to the high school that’s best for her next September and NOT what is best for me! Please put your son first.

I agree but he natually a young carer taking care of his young brother who has additional seeds, he takes care of assisting with play, intensive interaction, helping with communication attempts, supervision ensuring his saftey, meltdown management etc etc...

OP posts:
Treylime · 15/12/2025 16:03

At age 10 or 11? He shouldn't be doing his at his age.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:04

Lookingforthejoy · 15/12/2025 15:56

There has to be some thing which this school providers which other don’t. That could be that this is the closest school to his house and therefore the most appropriate as travelling for longer will making it for difficult for him to fulfil his caring needs.

so in our CAF we have 3 grammar school and one non selective school, I need to compare the non selective school with any of the grammar school, they all are equidistance or the travel time is very similar

OP posts:
Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:10

Treylime · 15/12/2025 16:03

At age 10 or 11? He shouldn't be doing his at his age.

he does age appropriate ones only, such as overseeing his sibling where ever they go (sibling has additional needs asd and potentially adhd)

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 15/12/2025 16:13

Why is this particular school the only suitable one?

You say there are other grammars the same distance away. Why aren't they suitable?

You're going to need to prove that the school you want has something no other can provide such as pastoral care, quicker travel time etc.

At the moment I get the feeling you want this particular school but it's nothing to do with caring. I'm hoping you're not using your younger child's disabilities to try and get him a place.

You don't seem to be able to explain why only this particular school will do.

MrsFrumble · 15/12/2025 16:16

I don’t think a sibling of a child with SEND has to carry out any specific caring duties to qualify as a young carer; it’s more an acknowledgment that their lives are inevitably impacted by their sibling’s disability, however hard parents might try to prevent it. That’s my understanding from talking to parents at various ASD groups.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:24

Lindy2 · 15/12/2025 16:13

Why is this particular school the only suitable one?

You say there are other grammars the same distance away. Why aren't they suitable?

You're going to need to prove that the school you want has something no other can provide such as pastoral care, quicker travel time etc.

At the moment I get the feeling you want this particular school but it's nothing to do with caring. I'm hoping you're not using your younger child's disabilities to try and get him a place.

You don't seem to be able to explain why only this particular school will do.

Why is this particular school the only suitable one?

You say there are other grammars the same distance away. Why aren't they suitable?

They all are suitable, and they all provide the needed support for young carer, I dont find any difference as suh

You're going to need to prove that the school you want has something no other can provide such as pastoral care, quicker travel time etc.
At the moment I get the feeling you want this particular school but it's nothing to do with caring. I'm hoping you're not using your younger child's disabilities to try and get him a place.

As per Bucks EMSAR guidelines, under EMSAR you can apply for only 1 school and have to provide a reason why this school only provides the best, the question how am i going to know ?

You don't seem to be able to explain why only this particular school will do.

Lack of knoweldge on which school provides what pastrol care is my challange

OP posts:
fatcat2007 · 15/12/2025 16:40

LemaxObsessive · 15/12/2025 14:52

A child of that age should not have ‘caring responsibilities’ ffs let him be a kid and go to the same school as all of his friends from primary. I have a severe disability and I’m a lone parent (DD’s father is deceased) but I refuse to allow her to become my carer as she deserves a life! She didn’t ask to be born. She is going to the high school that’s best for her next September and NOT what is best for me! Please put your son first.

So one of my best friends from secondary has a sister with severe disabilities. Our school provided nothing for carers and no one ever treated her like one. Her other sister went to a different school and got carers club and other support. Even though their parents did all the physical caring, it still impacted them in various ways. For example, we couldn’t come over to their house and she always had to meet at ours or public places because of her sister’s needs. As a teen she cared about that stuff. She worried about her sister. Her other sister was more supported to deal with those issues and looking back she wished she’d had a bit more support.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:42

busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:24

Why is this particular school the only suitable one?

You say there are other grammars the same distance away. Why aren't they suitable?

They all are suitable, and they all provide the needed support for young carer, I dont find any difference as suh

You're going to need to prove that the school you want has something no other can provide such as pastoral care, quicker travel time etc.
At the moment I get the feeling you want this particular school but it's nothing to do with caring. I'm hoping you're not using your younger child's disabilities to try and get him a place.

As per Bucks EMSAR guidelines, under EMSAR you can apply for only 1 school and have to provide a reason why this school only provides the best, the question how am i going to know ?

You don't seem to be able to explain why only this particular school will do.

Lack of knoweldge on which school provides what pastrol care is my challange

Show quote history

my bad, I think the question what I should have asked is what pastrol care support are in place grammar school through out the bucks and is there any difference between each of them ?

OP posts:
Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:47

fatcat2007 · 15/12/2025 16:40

So one of my best friends from secondary has a sister with severe disabilities. Our school provided nothing for carers and no one ever treated her like one. Her other sister went to a different school and got carers club and other support. Even though their parents did all the physical caring, it still impacted them in various ways. For example, we couldn’t come over to their house and she always had to meet at ours or public places because of her sister’s needs. As a teen she cared about that stuff. She worried about her sister. Her other sister was more supported to deal with those issues and looking back she wished she’d had a bit more support.

Show quote history

thank you so much for understanding, so my question is how to figure out if these schools have any young carer clubs etc, they all have told there are supports in place thats it.

OP posts:
Debdale · 15/12/2025 17:13

I can't link on my phone but try contacting your local carer organisation (carers in bucks), I think they have a specialist young carer team who will understand the challenges and will be able to help

CountingToThree · 15/12/2025 17:14

Which schools are you considering - then people might be able to help with mire useful information.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 17:19

Debdale · 15/12/2025 17:13

I can't link on my phone but try contacting your local carer organisation (carers in bucks), I think they have a specialist young carer team who will understand the challenges and will be able to help

I am aware of it, but ideally they wont be knowing what support is in place in each school

OP posts:
Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 17:24

I need to compare AGS & RLS, interms of what support are in place for Young Carers pastrol care etc etc

OP posts:
Wonderknicks · 15/12/2025 17:26

Why don't you talk to the schools? Which school have you put at the top of your CAF?

OhDear111 · 15/12/2025 17:29

@busySunflower Yes, you need a non selective fall back but you aren’t suggesting he’s not going to a grammar are you? Why would you even consider this?

Pearlstillsinging · 15/12/2025 17:37

busySunflower · 15/12/2025 16:04

so in our CAF we have 3 grammar school and one non selective school, I need to compare the non selective school with any of the grammar school, they all are equidistance or the travel time is very similar

Show quote history

He needs the highly skilled more academic teaching to enable him to make the most of his abilities and aptitudes whilst still being able to contribute to the family dynamic caring for his sibling.

You might find reference to support for young carers on the school website but in any case, I would expect a young carers support agency to know exactly what is available in each school in the area. They will probably work closely with them..Make use of your local resources, you do not have to struggle on without support for all members of the family.
And yes all children living with disabled household members are considered to be Young Carers. In almost every case their lives are impacted, although that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Starbursthack · 15/12/2025 17:41

I think you've got the wrong end of the stick.
That section of the form is about reasons why that particular school is needed given his caring responsibilities. Being a carer isn't itself a route into preferential treatment.

So it might be because it's necessary for to transport/practicality. It might be that he has a disabled twin who would benefit from them staying together. It might be that it's the only school with sufficient wrap around provision (ok less likely for secondary). It might be that there's a primary school next door where his sibling attends and he'll be doing drop offs/pick ups because of disabled parents.

So it may well be that your son as a carer doesn't come within this section of the form at all. Most won't.

Original poster
busySunflower · 15/12/2025 17:41

Wonderknicks · 15/12/2025 17:26

Why don't you talk to the schools? Which school have you put at the top of your CAF?

I did, but I got a very generic response unfortunately and I wasnt impressed with that.

OP posts: