Best school for ASD/ADHD

[LizE678]

My son is due to start school in 2026 and we're completely undecided between two schools. We think he's probably got ASD/ADHD (or else he's just highly sensitive) so although he doesn't have a diagnosis he will probably need some adjustments and more nuturing. I want to choose the school that will 'get' him and support both his needs and interests (he's quite bright).

Option 1 is an inner city school in an historic building with limited outdoor space, a small playground and the building itself feels quite clostrophobic with not that much natural light. It's very diverse and multicutural and has quite a liberal vibe, but also takes more children from relatively deprived backgrounds who might be on the backfoot when it comes to education. They do have a good reputation for supporting neurodiversity though and the staff are very well trained in this area but the TAs are pretty much all one to one with higher needs children.

Option 2 is a Church of England school on a slightly larger site with more outside space (though no school field), a more modern building with better natural light. The school has a more affulent intake of children and more funding because of the Church and the Ofsted suggests it would be Outstanding if rated under the new framwork, so a better school on paper. They have more TA provision but take fewer SEND children. The vibe feels a bit more formal / traditional. Also we are not religious.

I'm torn because I value outdoor space quite highly and I think a school like option 2 might be better placed to push a bright, inquisitive mind, but I have a niggling feeling they may not be as tollerant of some of my son's more challenging behaviours and I know ADHD children can really struggle with quite a formal/structured set up.

Any experiences / insights / thoughts.. Thank you!

I'd try to understand which school is more welcoming to children with SEND. The easiest way to do this is speaking to the head. Some heads will give lip service to SEND, whilst gently suggesting that your DS might be better suited to the school down the road. Others will be genuinely welcoming and will put real effort into making the school work for your DS.

Looking at how your application would be ranked against each school's oversubscription criteria in its admissions policy, how lively is it that your DC would be offered a place at either?

That's an interesting point @Sausagescanfly thanks!

@MarchingFrogs the CofE school is less likely because we don't attend church and they have several criteria, starting with those attending the local chrcuh once a week and then local church twice a month, then another church once a week etc, but with it being a low birth rate year it's likely it won't be oversubscribed. The only catch is we have another child so if we wanted him to get into the same school we may have to think about attending church every now and again for two years to ensure he's prioritised, which being non-religious, would be quite a significant lifestyle change!

Have you viewed either school yet, or is this just what you’ve seen online/know of the schools etc.
If you haven’t viewed then definitely do, you will get a feeling either way!
But speaking to you as another mum of a child with Sen, I’d go for the smaller inner city school, where staff have more training on Sen. My child with Sen couldn’t cope in a larger school, so I know you say the 1st school seems small but to your child it may feel safer in a way? Depends on his needs.
Also if you think your child may need a diagnosis at some point then having staff with a lot of training and experience will help a lot.
But equally know that you won’t really know until he’s there, our dc ( perhaps higher needs then your dc) has had to move schools already as the first school we picked (larger) was just too big, he was overwhelmed and struggled to cope with a large number of other children. He’s in a smaller school now and has an ehcp but still struggles, but to a lesser degree.

Sometimes even with the best intentions, all the planning, researching and hoping to pick the right school, things still don’t go as planned for a child with Sen. Sorry, not to sound down about it. I’m sure you’ll pick the right school, and if it’s not, well we were surprised how easy and quick a move was, although I know it was disruptive for my son.

Id definitely suggest visiting both and chatting to the head and senco at each school, things will become clearer then!

@Misspacorabanne thank you so much for replying to this, that's a really helpful insight. I have visited both schools and got very different vibes, both have pros and cons. Our son wouldn't qualify for an EHC I don't think, which puts him in a tricky category. It's interesting what you say about the larger school though as our other two options are both three-form entry...

UPDATE

It has all become a bit more complicated now. I eneded up speaking to the SENCO at option 1 (thanks @Sausagescanfly) - the more inclusive SEN friendly school - and she essentially encouraged me not to apply at all! Which I wasn't expecting. Apparently they have so many high needs SEN children at the moment thwir resources are completely stretched and the building is simply not well designed physically to cater for their needs, no quite spaces etc. She said with my son not being high needs he would probably not get the support he needs (e.g. he will still have wee accidents whenever he's upset. If all the TAs are occupied with very high needs children and the teacher has to look after the class, I don't see how there would be an adult spare to help him change clothes). So now option 2 becomes our number one choice but I don't know whether to keep option 1 as second choice or now put one of the other schools around us down. The other two possible contenders are both a bit further from us and both are three-form entry schools. They have much more in the way of outside space (option 1 school doesn't even have free flow for the reception children to outside, they have to be taken outside en mass) but I just don't know whether he would struggle with the sheer number of children as @MarchingFrogs said. Do we prioritise space and potentially fewer high needs children or would he feel safer in the smaller building even with lots of other sen children? My son does get very triggered by others crying/screaming and needs to be able to get away into different room or area, but on the other hand he struggles with big crowds. I know there is no right answer but insights help.
Honestly just hoping he gets option 2 now!

You defo need option number 3! I’d of said option 1 initially but if they are saying it’s not a good fit you need another school.

Don’t lie and pretend you’re religious that’s not right to your children. If you don’t believe in it don’t send your children to a faith school with grace / praying etc.

However, now as in TONIGHT before bed apply for an EHCP yourself. Look up Ipsea temple letter and apply for your child. Do not let the school do it. You could even get a 1 to 1 if your child needs it to support him in school.

Depending which LA you’re living in it could be good or bad. However you will jump up the rankings with one on the admission list. Get the ball rolling theoretically it’s 20 weeks but some times some LA don’t stick to the law.

Also, get the nursery on board too to help you decide as they will understand the process.

He probably needs an SI OT for SPD and that’s one piece of evidence / therapy the nhs won’t do.

Is this for entry in Sept 2026? You wouldn’t hear back in an ECHP before 15th Jan.

Applying for an EHCP as a parent also isn’t easy, especially without a diagnosis. We were between schools when we sought a EHCP for my eldest, as she’d suffered burnout and had a period of school refusal. We were still advised that the local authority would pretty much ignore it unless it came from a school or a solicitor, and that was with diagnosis confirmed and quite a lot of paperwork to back it up in terms of various specialists’ reports. It might be different from LEA to LEA but we are only going to panel now, and it must be 6 months since the application was first submitted.

I’d see if you can get the ball rolling with assessment asap. Schools can start adjustments without diagnoses, but they do focus the mind. (I have two children one with ASD, and the other both ASD and adhd, and our primary was vocally supportive but pretty useless in practice until we had it confirmed. I think if you have a referral at least before he starts, that will help.

For us smaller, quieter, slightly more formal settings have worked better, but it depends a lot on your child’s particular traits. If other people’s noise bothers them then a 3 form entry school might be too busy. If they struggle with other people being unpredictable, then a slightly “stricter” ethos can help as there’s less shouting and shenanigans. But of course some autistic kids thrive in a noisier environment and would be stifled in a stricter setting. It’s not always the same school that would work best for every child.

Does your son care much about outdoor space? How well does he cope at nursery? Gut feel is quite important but attitude to sen is so so important. From reading that, Id take the first school.

The important thing is how the staff deal with it. Id take nosiy school where staff care and understand vs quiet lovely school where staff roll eyes when he stims and constantly monitor his ‘behaviour’ any day. Any school is going to be hard.

Small school( children on role not size of building) means less funding. Schools are funded per child so choose a bigger school that possibly has a SEND unit or facility. I work in a small, village school and sometimes parents with send children choose us as it’s a lovely village school but we struggle for funding. It’s so hard to get high needs funding as it takes time and the local authority are up against it for cash. We have no facility or extra staff. Only TAs are 1:1 and assigned to a specific child and only a few hours a day.

@myeyeshurttoomuch and @Zhu thanks for the tip. I honestly don't think he'd qualify for an EHCP, there are needs there but not complex and severe. Even if he did I couldn't apply myself as I'd have no supporting evidence. The only professional involvement he's had is the paediatric dietician. Everything else would be anecdotal from me and possibly the nursery. How would I get the ball rolling in terms of assessment- is that through the GP or are there quicker routes?

@Newsenmum he does ok at nursery now. He struggled to settle for a very very long time and luckily now has a friend and a key worker who actually understands him so he feels quite safe. We had a huge patch of nursery refusal when he was in the toddler room though for about 8 months because there was no staff member who he liked and that was before he found his friend.

I think he's mostly indifferent about outdoor space and he really struggles with transitions so getting him out is very difficult, but the days he spends time out seem to really benefit him.

I think he mostly seems to be more bothered by people being unpredictable / loud than large crowds of people.

@landlordhell that's interesting, I think that's bascially what option no. 1 was trying to imply, that they are too stretched and simply don't have the funding or resources to help.

Option 1 school is our closest (littlerally just around the corner) so the protective part of me almost feels if he will struggle with any school at least if it was the closest one I can get him much more esily when he's struggling and he'd spend less time in wrap around care too. Also the wraparound care (which we'd need at least 2 dayd a week) in the 3-form entry option has ssooo many kids, even I found it overwhelming :(

I meant diagnosis not assessment*

The main three-form entry one does have a specialist unit attached. I wonder whether that makes the mainstream school more likely to understand and cater for lower needs sen or if the are just completely seperate. I did email the senco with some questioms but I felt her answers were a bit general and disappointing so it's not filled me with confidence that he'd been treated as an individal.