Has anyone sent one of their children to private school whilst keaving the other at state school?

[LavendersBlueDillyDilly]

We are contemplating this.

taking out DS2 currently in reception but very young and struggling, an dputting him in a priavte school to start recpetion agin in Sept.

We would leave Ds1 at the state school, as he is doing well and happy. It's a good school, DS2 just not ready for it and they can't let them start late or repeat a year.

So, does it work? Do they grow apart, not having shared experiences and references? they are verl close at the moment and I would hate this to cause a feeling of separteness.

We are in this situation. I have two children but with quite a big gap. Oldest dd is 10 and youngest is starting in reception in Sept. Had I known, what I know now, I would have put both kids in private to be honest. However, our eldest is due to go to secondary school in a year and there is an excellent state secondary girls school near where we live and where she will go. It's too late to try and get her in a private school even if we wanted to and she doesn't want to move. We have struggled with our conscience about this decision but we feel that dd youngest will be better in a private school - she is quite a handful although we feel fairly bright (difficult to tell at 4 years old!) but we feel she'll get swallowed up in a large class. I have a good friend and neighbour who has a boy in private and a girl in my dd's state school and we discussed and decided that it was about the child. Each child is suited to different types of education and what suits one might not suit the other.... we are going for it but I admit it's not an easy call. Go with your gut feeling I'd say and don't feel guilty. I'm thinking that our eldest is very arty and may want to go to art school or something in the future and we plan on investing in her education down the line when we get a chance to even things out... anyway she is totally happy where she is and doing OK so why rock the boat!?
HTH

It's not so much about guilt at not sending DS1 to a private school, his state school is very good, but just cannot offer what we feel ds2 needs.

It's more about them not being part of a community together. They go to a Catholic school and it has a very close knit feel, is a small school and very much a community. DS2 is looking forward to follwing in his brothers footsteps and doing all the things you do in certain years IYSWIM.

It's the loss of thier shared experience I am more worried about.

I guess this is not so much of an issue with a bigger age gap.

I've heard so many people say that if you do it for one, you have to do it for all. But actually, I don't agree. My sister put her twin boys into private because of a nightmare class/teaching scenario in their local school for their current year which looked set to continue for the next couple of years. No local schools with free places anywhere near, so private the only option. Her older DD's reaction was "I'm not going, so don't even think about it!" Her situation was different so they let her be. No problem.

Although both at independent schools my sons have followed completely different paths since DS2 in year 2 and DS1 in year 5. DS1 is highly academic and competitive and therefore ended up at the type of school suited for him. DS2 although very bright was not achieving cos of dyslexia/dyspraxia.

Each son has his own stories about whats happening at school and they often laugh at the differences between their schools. DS2 school is very laid back and progressive whereas DS1s is very traditional.

It does not do them any harm to have some independence from each other. They can still remain close with shared experiences at home and on holidays. It is more important that they end up at the right school for them.

Personally I would never send one child to a private school and the other state unless I was not very well off and one of them was so bright that they got a scholarship. Having visited both state and private schools the latter offer so much more that I would feel that I would be denying one child.

I met a family yesterday with three kids who had all started off in public (State) school when they arrived from the States. The youngest (10) and eldest(17) now go to seriously top end private schools, the middle boy (15) was adamant that he stayed at the state school where he is happy and thriving. It is very common here (Oz) to choose to send your children to different schools depending on the child.

I do know what you mean about the shared experience thing though. Mine span high school, primary and pre-school and this is the first time they have been in the same school;the 5 year old is very excited when she sees her biggest brother go past. They are only together though because I am convinced that the school can meet all their very different needs.

My experience is as old as me (very!!) but may help.

At our local village primary I got on really well but my db struggled. My parents decided to move db to a small private school (16 to a class as opposed to 36), and so that I didn't feel left out, they moved me also, although it was literally for my last year of primary. I can remember them asking me what I wanted to do, but I can't remember my reply!

I passed the 11+ (told you it was years ago!) and went to the local Grammar where I had the life teased out of me for having gone to a private school. I responded badly, and spent three years running riot, to prove to my contemporaries that I wasn't a clever clogs/snob etc.

Things have worked out well for me, but I really think that what suits one child doesn't necessarily suit the other - and I think that a few sensible discussions with my parents would have put paid to any concerns about not getting the same treatment - which was there major concern!

Sorry for the ramble - hope it helps.

their!!

My concern isn't really about lack of opportunity for my older DS if he stays in the state school aintnomountainhighenough, as it's a very good school, he is doing very well there and is happy.

It is more about them just not being together, a fear that it will put some emotional distance between them.

We are really struggling with thia decision. i think that educationally the private school would suit my DS2 more, but that socially as a family and as part of a community we are taking him away from quite alot of very positive things.

Small classes of 12 in infants however, would be just wonderful for him.

I am in turmoil, I really don't know what to do, it's such an imporatnt decision, I'm scared of getting it wrong.

Here are some other experiences ...

My parents did this. My brother (state comp) couldn't have cared less except I got longer holidays - so he just used to bunk off those days. Don't think it affected our relationship apart from me having to cover for him when he was skiving !

So would your DS1 be that upset if he goes to a different school? I think some children will do well at most schools and if he is pretty easy going then he will probably thrive on it. You havent said anything about the difference between the schools but other things to consider (as lucysmum has pointed out) are holidays. Indie schools have much longer holidays and possibly at different times to the state ones - how will your DS1 feel when DS2 is off and he has to go to school? What are the facilities at the indie school compared to the state - if it is anything like the ones I have looked at the sporting facilities are much much better. If you DSs are sporty how will DS1 feel in a couple of years when DS2 is doing all the sports under the sun (many of which are just not taught in state schools anymore)?

I can see that you biggest concern is them being together, if that is the most important thing to you then you have to move both of them. You just need to think aobut your sales pitch to DS1! Good luck.

My parents did this. I went to a good private school, brother went to a dreadful state school.

In our case we did drift apart quite badly. Our experiences, points of reference, and social circles were very different indeed, and still are. Also my brother got bullied at school for having a sister at private school. But that was at a dreadful state school in a very rough area of Manchester(think it was the worst school in the country at that point). Things might be different at a good state school.

Both of my DDs went to a nursery that was attached to a private school. When we decided to move a couple of years ago, we decided to keep DD1 in the school for Reception because it would be too much disruption to her to attend a school for just 1 year. Besides, DD2 was in the nursery at that school. I explained the situation to DS, who was in a state school, but he didn't mind. He finished his last year of 1st school & we timed our move to happen around the start of this school year. DS started his new middle school & DD1 started yr1 at a local state school in our new area. There were only in different systems for 1 year, but I could see the problems aintnomountainhighenough mentioned. DS had shorter school holidays, which really annoyed him. It was only a small private school, but they covered more sports than the state schools, so I could see friction in the future if DD1 had remained there. I also felt that the smaller classes gave DD1 a massive advantage educationally. Her reading improved massively during that year which I'm sure was due to the small class size. DS had the advantage of knowing lots of children locally. When we went to the park, for example, he'd often bump into friends, but that very rarely happened to DD1. She even quit Rainbows because she didn't know anyone (& the girls tended to stick to the kids from their schools). She's much happier socially at the state school & is doing well educationally. I was worried that she'd struggle with the transition to state school, but she's fine.

I'd also heed what MuffinMclay said about social circles. DD1's friends at the private school came from quite privleged backgrounds. Her current social circle matches DS' a lot more.

I have two in private and three in state, although from September it will be 3/2.

I have two in private and three in state, although from September it will be 3/2.