School bullying and teacher lies and bullying to parent

[Apol1710]

Hello, does anyone have any advice for me please. My eldest son was bullied in primary school by a large group of children. These children lied when question by the teachers and blamed my son, my son and I were then targeted by the teachers and bullied. My son had numerous days off in primary school due to being anxious about the bullying and nothing was done. How can one child bully a large group of children, miss numerous days off due to anxiety yet not be believed at all?! The same thing is now happening again in high school due to the primary schools false biased reports about my son. He is being accused by one of the same children and a support worker as slapping a child when he did not do this and his friends are witnesses. I have sent emails which I don’t get a reply from. The lrimary school actually informed the police about my emails yet I wasnt visited, (yet) I feel I am being bullied. The head of primary has cried infront of me many times and told me she always cries. That’s nothing to do with me. I have all my emails as proof and they are very clear that I am trying to protect my son from bullying, this included comments about his appearance , calling him stupid, threats of violence from the child who lied about my son slapping him. How can no one believe my son who is absolutely not violent at all against a child who is experienced in karate, who is threatening to knock my child’s teeth out?! A teacher in primary school wished my son to be “poisoned” and this was covered up. The same things seem to be unravelling in high school because of the biased reports of primary school. They are trying to make out my sons is struggling with mental health (he isn’t, he’s very happy) because he’s being bullied and threatened…. This is purely the only thing that affects him. They try to silence me by making me out to be “difficult “ and I am not going to stop until the bullying stops.

How do you know they contacted the police? If they did, then they will have had good reason. It’s usually because the parent is a malicious complainer and has made threats.

Is it usually? I did not and am not either of these. If complaining against 20 children bullying my child is malicious or threatening , the system is more screwed than I thought. Please do not comment on my post with a narrow mind, thanks.

I think it might be wise to put your family’s issues with primary school behind you. It serves no purpose to keep looking for resolution.

concentrate on your sons wellbeing. Get the pastoral team and head of year involved. Work with them, rather than assuming they will be against your son. Get support from your GP if necessary and escalate any bullying through the schools stated channels.

it may be hard, but it’s really important to work on this alongside the schools stated channels. Don’t be emotional, defensive, or antagonistic.

I have , my eldest who the post is about doesn’t want to move high schools. It’s not tv teachers at the high school it’s the children who are continuing the bullying from primary which was not at all addressed by the primary school, I was bullied in return and now refuse to attend parents evenings for my younger son at that primary school due to gaslighting every time I attend. My youngest son. Has cried in class many times and says he doesn’t like the primary school. I applied to move him, this was rejected by the school. This isn’t ok right?! My youngest son gets doesn’t want to be at said primary school.

How can a move be “ rejected” by the school? The only reason a move doesn’t happen is if the proposed incoming school is full, it has nothing to do with the outgoing school!

It is very hard to believe that two schools and multiple teachers have decided to systematically target only your child. You should really move schools

What sort of thing do you mean by gaslighting every time you attend parents evening?

What issues does your youngest have at school? By the sound of it, It is quite likely he's picked up on your attitude towards the school and that's why he doesn't want to go.

How did you apply for a new school? Was it through the local council? Because there is absolutely no way a school can stop you or refuse you leaving for a new school. The current school don't have any say in the matter whatsoever.

He picked up on the bullying from the teachers towards my eldest at the time as he witnessed it at school…..and both children came home and told me. I don’t talk to my children about the school, they tell me! Why would you assume these things with a very narrow mind when you don’t know the facts? Ever thought of being kind?…….

i submitted to the council. My son doesn’t want to be at the primary school. He has 6months left before he leaves…. We are considering the move , he doesn’t want to be there.

In meetings, laughing at me, using words from my emails and looking at eachother laughing whilst I was visibly upset sitting g there alone. Each time I attend a parents evening these words are used against me. They know I’m right and don’t want to admit it so try to provoke a reaction which they never got/get. My son cries in class and does t want to be at that school , he has 6 months left and has asked me for “a party” when he leaves. Other posters have commented that I’m at fault here, which is very unkind given they don’t understand the facts. Both children were reporting g back to me what had happened and I have not installed any of this into my children, they were both witnesses to it. When I complained I got bullied and gaslighted in return. My story has never changed as I know the truth.

• they know I’m right and they don’t want to admit it.

You appear to be the common denominator here and if the way you have communicated and understood communications from other posters is indicative of your usual style then I think it’s likely that the way you perceive what you say and the way others perceive what you say does not match up.

I find it very difficult to believe that any teacher verbalised to you that they wanted your son to be “poisoned”, you have then interpreted whatever they did say as “wishing your son dead”, you have then reported them to the police for that.

You have then determined that they made a malicious accusation after you believe they misinterpreted you saying you were strong as being a physical threat.

Is it at all possible that you made a report to the police, the police contacted the school, and in response to that complaint that you lodged the school provided the police with full visibility of all communications they had with you? So not actually making a report about you, but responding to your complaint about them.

Again, how can one single child bully 20 children and miss so many days off due to anxiety and not be believed? These children ganged up on my child and lied. They were believed as there were so many of them. My child is the victim here.

My child is very intelligent and doesn’t have any problems with his needs. The high school will vouch for that. Not one negative thing has been said about my child in the new school, the only thing is that one child lied to say that he was slapped and later denied this. There are witnesses to say that this did not happen. This same child lied about my son for years. He threatens my child with violence on a daily basis. My child is a victim of bullying end of story.

Being kind doesn’t mean accepting everything a person says as truth at face value and agreeing with them about everything. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to provide constructive and honest responses that enable the person to understand where they may have misunderstood misconstrued or made errors 8n their communication. Enabling someone to continue down a path that is leading to hazards is not a kind things to do.

Your relationship with the school is in tatters, you don’t trust them and it seems they don’t trust you, your children are unhappy. You have a limited number of options:

• Move to a different school - but you say no
• Attempt to repair the relationship - you seem to think this is not possible, or the onus is all on them
• Ignore it all and hope it goes away - probably won’t work

If your younger son doesn’t want to be at his primary, just leave! Ask the local council to find a school with a space and move to it, the current school has no say in the matter at all. Why are you leaving him there?

If my child had slapped him( he’s never slapped anyone) then my child would have told me and I would have told
the school this. The child lied about this. My child is a lovely kid and has a lovely friend group. He has absolutely no additional needs and has never struggled with his work or behaviour except from saying things back to 20 children who were bullying him, and he was blamed for that.

All you say may indeed be true ... But ... From what I can gather your emails have been given to the police so they are obviously feeling they are inappropriate and threatening (or why would they do that?)
I was a secondary head , there is no collusion between primary and secondary. There will be some forwarding notes , eg bullying issue between James and John (so we know not to put them in the same form etc and to keep an eye on that relationship going forward. There may be a cautionary note along the lines of mum can be difficult always be accompanied during meetings etc as we need to keep staff safe from allegations and threats

Your relationship has broken down with both schools, honestly I would move schools and have a fresh start for both you and your child

You write your posts very intensely which may be misinterpreted as aggressive so , my advice is to not write emails , make appointments to see head of year /pastoral team/ head teacher etc

Because they know how to work their parent to get a reaction and get them marching into school to "defend" them.

It is ridiculously common for the bully to play victim. It is virtually non-existent for an entire class to gang up on 1 child. It is vanishingly rare for not 1 of those 20 to stand up for what is right, or at the very least, encourage others to 'leave it'. However, it is common, for children to have had enough of a bully by Y5/Y6 and to say things back.

How would your younger child witness what went on if they were in another class?

Do you ever question your children when they tell you this, that and the other has happened or do you believe them verbatim?

The more you post, the easier it is to see your attitude towards this. 2 separate schools, and multiple teachers, and support staff, and 20 odd kids are not the problem here.

I posted about a similar experience I've been privvy too up thread. The worst thing about it is that the poor kid hasn't got a hope in life. He's gone through how ever many years of life getting his own way, thinking he's untouchable because mummy and daddy will come and defend him, but when he gets older...that's not going to happen. If he does what he does in school to people on the street, god knows what the consequences could be. If he carries on into adulthood, he'll never be able to keep a job.

You've asked for advice, take it.

I think you need to park what happened at primary school and start to work with your son’s new school to help him through the next phase. Schools want to get the best out of every pupil and will be very open to working with you to sort out the current predicament, particularly if this is the first time he’s been in any trouble.

I think you need to arrange a meeting with your son’s tutor and head of year. You need to explain in a non confrontational and matter of fact way that your child has struggled with X child for a number of years. That your child categorically denies slapping them and is very upset that the bullying they experienced at primary school is going to continue.

It may be that they then tell you some things about your child that you don’t believe or that don’t sound like them. Again you then need to find a way to work with the school to sort out these issues.

You are exaggerating the matter. I say no? The request to move was rejected I sense the school said my child was happy there(he’s not) I can and likely will do this again yes, with all my reasons as stated above. The relationship with the school is in tatters because of the schools neglect towards my child being bullied and the result was bullying me and my child more. He was wished dead by a teacher and nothing was done. Do you think that’s ok? You agree with that? You are stating things which are not factual ie I’m putting these things into my child’s head when it’s the opposite. Both children came home to me to tell me what had happened at school, I complained.

I’m talking about one school here. Not multiple schools. The child in the new school is continuing to bully my child. You have it all wrong and are very narrow minded. Again, this isn’t multiple schools. The teachers in the primary school did bully my child and neglected him. They then bullied me for complaining about this.

If it makes your mind less narrow there are many other parents who agree with me that the school are pretty useless. Other children who get bullied and nothing is done. Thanks. My child and I do not have an issue with the teachers in secondary school, it’s a child from primary who bullied there and is now doing so in secondary school. I actually contacted a solicitor last month who told me on the grounds of what I have I could take this further for neglect and damages. I thought I would post on here if anyone had any advice, seems not many of you do expect wanting to point fingers and things you do not know.

You still haven’t said why you haven’t moved your second child. A move cannot be rejected, unless the school you want to move to is full. The outgoing school has absolutely no say in the matter and, quite frankly, would possibly be pleased to see you go!

You don’t need the schools permission to move your child. You go to your local authority usually via an application page and apply for the school you want your child to go to. If they don’t have space you apply to a different one.

Your writing comminication here is very unclear so I can how a school may misunderstand your intent.

Contact the police and council of an issue in school is inappropriate and it’s going to solve the issue. Is there some one in real life who can help you work through your issues with the school?