Parents Evening

[JanW1975]

Hi,
2 days ago we had out first parents evening for my daughter in year 2.
Her teacher said “Blah is exactly where she needs to be academically. She is bright, capable, and I have no worries at all with her school work.”
She then continued with “The issue I have with Blah, is she is far too chatty. She talks over me. She ignores my instructions. She knows what she is doing, because she looks at me and chooses to ignore me. She talks when other children are talking. I’ve asked her how she would feel if it were happening to her, and she said “Sad”. I move her around the class regularly and have even sat her alone sometimes, but I don’t like doing that! She has issues with some of her friends, but I haven’t got to the bottom of it yet. Today she openly told me she had been unkind to another child!”
The teacher went on for about 5 minutes. It’s really bothered me, because my daughter is chatty, bossy, sassy, and she does try to talk over us sometimes, but I stop her and make her wait until we have finished talking. She can be defiant, and we tell her off about it. She’s 6 and is uber confident. She’s an only child, so we don’t see her interacting with siblings etc.
It’s been bothering me for the past 2 days. My child isn’t ’naughty’. No one has ever approached me and said she’s being nasty to their child. She has been attending school, preschool, nursery etc since she was 3 years old, and no other teacher has ever pulled me up on her behavior. So when the teacher said all this to me on Thursday, I was shocked. My husband asked if the work was too easy for our daughter, and he was cut down instantly, with a “No! The work is where is needs to be!”
I think 30 seconds of academic chat (if you can call it that), and 10 minutes of negative comments isn’t appropriate. Surely if she was that bad, they would’ve called me into school or spoken to me previously.
This teacher has been at the school for donkeys years, so she’s not new to the role.
I feel I want to address it with the headmaster and deputy but will it get brushed off, and will be daughter be the one that suffers?
The school is good and performs well.

The teacher is telling you that your child has some behaviours to address. Your husband’s response is to assume it’s because she’s gifted/bored, and your response is to run to the headteacher and review the ofsted results ….

The action you might consider is to monitor your child in other settings and see how she interacts with adults in authority and other children? Can she be respectful and follow instructions? Can she allow other children to speak or determine the game? Is she popular and liked - invited to play etc? You say you haven’t seen her interact with other kids as she’s an only child - what about play dates or kids clubs?

Just work on it. No big deal.

Take what to the head?! You didn’t like hearing the truth?

Your chatty, bossy, sassy is coming across as rude, defiant and disruptive. Listen to her.

If schools got a pound for every parent who suggested the work wasn’t hard enough upon being told that their children misbehaved, the whole education crisis could be fixed.

There was no point in the teacher talking more about the academic stuff, because there is no
problem there. When time is limited, it makes sense to talk about the things you need to try and help address with your child. Now you can work on getting her to stop interrupting others.

"Sassy" to you, in your naturally adored only child, is quite probably "rude" to a teacher dealing with 30 of them at once.

You need to teach her compassion and respect for others and you need to do this at home. Telling her off when she is defiant won't achieve anything, it will just make things worse. You need to continue along the same lines as the teacher. If she would feel sad if someone talked over her, then she needs to learn not to do it and how her actions affect others. It is not the teacher's responsibility, it is yours as her parent.

Have you spoken to your daughter about her behaviour and how you will talk to her teacher soon to hear if her behaviour has improved?

One sassy child at home is quite different to dealing with 30 children talking over the teacher who's trying her best.

Former teacher here, and what I would say is there are many adults in school roles that shouldnt be working with children.

They cant control strong willed children, have terrible trouble differentiating effectively, and say inappropriately discouraging things at parents evening.

I dont know if this is the case with your child, but other comments so far on this thread say you and your child are the problem, and that simply isn't always the case.

Particularly unlikely if you've had no word of this before, from any of her other teachers/ key workers.

Edited for typos

The teacher has pointed out exactly what you have found.
These are not negative comments but areas for improvement.

Bossy, sassy and uber-confident at 6? You are going to have one hell of a time when she hits her teens.

Seriously though, that's very unusual behaviour for a six year old at school. That age group is usually very compliant. So you need to take the teacher seriously. If she's behaving like this at six, you really do need to adress it and not just brush it off as 'cool and confident'.

I understand your comments about the teacher focusing more on your childs behaviour rather than the academic side, and possibly the conversation could have been approached more sensitively, however, the good thing to take away is that she is doing well academically and the teacher has no concerns with that. It's sometimes difficult to hear what you might not want to but the teacher has raised this for a reason. I would be inclined to believe what she has said and look at how you feel is the best approach in trying to deal with this. My son is a similar age and I would certainly want to try and encourage changes in behaviour if a teacher raised concerns. Best of luck! I'm sure it will all work out.

Absolutely this.
You want to take it to the head because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear? Your 'little darling' is defiant, rude, and unkind to her classmates and disrespectful to her teacher. Work on that for heaven's sake.

Have you spoken to your daughter and asked her?
If the teacher gave you specific examples, that is a better way to approach the conversation wtth a young child. Otherwise its too vague and easily forgotten for the child to understand what is being referred to.

It sounds like the teacher isn't able to handle your kid's personality. That could be because its non stop and she has now involved you for help or it could be because your child is having more and more of a negative effect on other children e.g. your daughter told me she was unkind to another child.

It needs to be addressed.
However she is only six or seven so she needs a consistent approach ie being told the same thing at school and at home.

I know you will reluctant to break her spirit but school is about conforming and being one of a large group where everyone is treated equally.

What did you decide to do @JanW1975 ?