Would you send your kid up to secondary on there own or to a school where all his friends go I just don't know if he will thrive he goes up on his on and lonely

[grace1976]

Would you send your kid to a secondary on own or a school where all his friends go I just don't know if he will thrive if he goes up on own but half kids going to school that is good is full of bad influences from his school he can't get out off

Yes, I did. Didn't know a soul. They were fine, absolutely thrived in fact as it gave them a chance to "reinvent" themselves. Best thing I ever did.

Yes I did as a child and my DD went to a school her friends didn't go to. You send them to the best school possible not the one their friends are going to. They make new friends in secondary anyway. Your child will be fine.

I really wish we had sent DS1 to a school where he didn't know anyone. Instead all of his problems/bullies followed him to high school

It’s hard but you are the adult here and you will know better which school will suit him and where he will thrive.

Often kids stop hanging around with their old friends pretty quickly at secondary.

We did with eldest, just one child from her primary (who she wasn’t close with then but is now inseparable) but made other friends. Will be aiming for same with the youngest - she’s not got any particular “best” friends in primary so won’t be missing out there (and they all get separated into different forms at the secondary anyway). I’m more nervous about youngest as she’s a big personality which can make her a bit marmite 🤣 eldest was more reserved.

On balance we feel the opportunity to attend same school as sibling together with ethos of the school will be of more benefit that attending with her friends.

Although my children went to school where some others from primary went their best friends went to different schools. It was fine.
Also, both made friends with children from other primary schools.
I learned a lesson with my first. Myself and another mother thought our boys could walk to school together. It didn't work almost from the off and then had to extricate from awkward pairing! With 2nd I stepped back and he made own choices round walking to school!

I was the kid that went to different secondary to all friends from primary. Was only 20 minutes away but we moved house and that was the closest school.

Was absolutely gutted at the time, but turned out fine for me and made loads of friends that i still have today. That being said it is not something id be keen on my kids having to do as remember those first few months not being fun.

Changing schools at secondary is good for kids. New start, learning to navigate a new place. Good prep for later in life as you cant go through life with only your friends at the nursery.

Hw won’t be lonely. All kids will be new and all will find new friends. And - especially since you say his current friends may be problematic.

I would choose the best possible school for my child. The children from the same primary school attending would only be a factor if 1) there were children I wanted to get them away from and/or 2) my child was particularly sensitive and found it hard to make new friends such that I thought it would impact significantly on their well being.

Lots of kids know nobody at secondary school and manage fine. And lots of primary school friendships fall apart as they enter secondary school anyway, as the kids grow up and their interests etc change. The best possible education in a school that suits my child best would be what drove my decision.

Two of my boys went to a senior school where they didn’t know anyone. Both of them absolutely thrived, particularly the youngest. Then went onto college where he didn’t know anyone and it completely unfazed him.

I am scared the crowd that is going .he will follow.but the school is a good schoool

It worries my hubby that they are going to a school and continues that friendship

I let him choose between his two offers — a much more distant school with some friends and a very close by school where he knew literally nobody. He chose the nearby school because not having to leave the house an hour earlier overruled the friend issue.

There will bad influences in any school. Your guidance will help him.avoid bad influences to some extent. Often there is an induction day/ some sort of event in y6. Ask the secondary school. I'd say to any parent of a child in secondary school, don't take your eye off yhem. It does not have to be heavy handed.

current friends act as a prop for some courage in the first day, but they all make new friends so quickly anyway.

I would choose, or support a choice, for the best accessible school.

They will but think he thinks if he wants to get away forom them it harder with going up with them

We sent DS to a school where he knew no one. He was fine, within two days he was referring to 'my friends'. Lots of friendship groups reset as they move into secondary anyway.

Take the friendship issue out of the equation. Which school would you prefer him to go to? I'm a bit confused by your post. Are you saying that the school he wants to go to, is a good school but also has lots of his undesirable friends going to? If that's the case you can usually ask that your child isn't placed in a form with certain people. They often can't guarantee but can take things into consideration. I do think it's important for the child to feel confident in their decision and that it is their choice so I would be careful about forcing them to pick a school they don't want.

If the OP is talking about state schools, there won't be two offers to choose from, unless a) they originally get a school at least second on their CAF and subsequently, a place can be offered by a school that was a higher preference and b) their LA isn't one of the ones which automatically place the pupil at the higher preference offered abd take away the original place.

@grace1976 all three of our DC moved from primary to secondary knowing only one or two others in their year group, and it was fine. DD even turned down the offer from the coordinator at our primary school to facilitate her being put in the same tutor group as the one girl she would know (from an outside activity - she was at a different primary school), as she wanted the chance to find her own new friends). This was at a school we had been allocated as our 'nearest undersubscribed', but when she later moved to our original first preference school, it was with no expectation that she would know anyone in her year. She is 25 now and still in regular contact with some of the friends that she made there.

DS1 moved up with one other boy who had never been a particular friend (that never changed, but he made new friends quite quickly). DS2 also moved up with one other boy; they had been friends at primary school, and stayed friends at secondary whilst each forming separate new friendship groups.