Positioning for secondary schools and selecting to suit both children

[Smama44]

We (DP + 2XDC) rent and are currently being forced out of our SW London home by our landlord. Trying to see the advantages (there aren’t many) I’m wondering if we can position ourselves to give my DC a chance to go to a grammar school/ Independent w/bursary, whilst having a good backup comp in case they don’t make it through.

It’s a very overwhelming position to be in because :

a) my eldest is a very reluctant learner, though capable and does well academically- likely has ADHD and seriously struggles to focus so trying to get them to prepare for an exam is excruciating.

b) Our younger child is a very gifted learner and really deserves to try for and have an opportunity at a school which will expect a lot of them academically.

I wouldn’t be able to manage having them at different schools, I want them to have a mutual school experience and it would be very impractical as myself and my partner work and commute.

Any suggestions or insights ?

By secondary they will take themselves to school, surely? Unless you’re rural, which it doesn’t sound like you will be. So a different schools might be fair and equitable to meet different needs?

I wouldn’t be able to manage having them at different schools

Why not ?

It sounds like your children need different sorts of schools. Secondary age children should be getting themselves to and from school unless you live very rurally and there are no buses/ trains/ tubes etc. certainly in SW London borders you will be fine, you don’t need to chauffeur them !

most of the secondaries in East Surrey are decent and intelligent, supported children will do well. There are selective and super-selectives if you want to go for those, plus plenty of independent schools.

Also, getting them over the threshold into a school is not the end. A child with ADHD may struggle quite a lot with a high-demand very academic environment as everything is about a million times more difficult for them, even if they have natural intelligence.

Also, do not drink the school kool aid. Education is vitally important BUT a child’s success depends on so much more than the average results obtained by the school they attend.

Be sure if you are aiming for selectives or independents or in fact ‘desirable’ secondary schools that they really do have excellent teaching and extra curricular stuff + pastoral care. Often good results are about the intake rather than the input ;)

There is no reason why a good comp shouldn't be able to cope with both your DC. Good comps can produce kids getting 7-9s as well as support those with SEN needs.

By comp I mean one where the bright children aren't being siphoned off to grammars.
If you are in a grammar area you'll have to cope with 2 schools because that's how the system works.

What sex are they and are faith schools important? A lot of the good schools around SW London are single sex or Catholic for state options so your back up might depend on the answers to those questions.

In your situation, I would probably choose a non grammar school area, in case your eldest doesn't get in to the grammar. Grammar schools cream off the top % of achievers, whereas if you find a town with very good comprehensives you don't have that problem. They can both go to the same school, and your youngest should still be stretched in a very good comp. I speak as someone with bright kids (lots of 9s and A*) who are doing well at the local state school. Check the results of the schools in the areas you're thinking of moving to.

Re an independent school + a bursary, IME the bursaries are only 15% of the fees, would you be able to fund the other 85% yourself?

If you want them to go to the same school, you would be best avoiding grammar areas. You run the risk of 1/both not getting in, and the near by comps are unlikely to be proper comps as the brighter kids have been creamed off by the grammar.
The independent plan is even worse. It is v hard to get a decent bursary, and v high risk one dc wouldn't get one, and then what?
You are right though, this is a prfect opportunity to place yourself right next to a brilliant comp. If u say which areas you are searching in, I'm sure you will get some good suggestions on here.

Do you mean a true grammar school area where kids all sit the 11+, or somewhere like Sutton / Croydon where there are the super selectives like Wilson’s, Wallington etc plus normal comps as well? Big difference in how that would play out and unlikely to get both kids into the selective anyway - and even less likely to get significant funding for indie bursary for both - so probably focus on good comps if you can get into catchment. Ime if kids are capable then they’ll do well without need for hothousing in selective schools. And if one isn’t good with exams, they’d find that grim anyway. Find somewhere they can be happy first and foremost and fill any gaps with support and activities outside school.

I had children with similar aptitude, my super bright dc did great in local comp, where she had a solid friendship group and was motivated enough to work even when teaching wasn’t great (which happens in all schools) we had one tutor in year 11. My child with adhd struggled, both academically and socially and we did years 9-11 at a small independent school with great pastoral care. We are in a semi rural area with very limited school choices, so certainly different to being in London, but for DC with some SEN small class sizes were really helpful.

Thanks all for your answers, making clearer that a good comp would be the way to go. We are not religious so sadly some of those great Catholic schools aren’t an option. I like Buckinghamshire but it seems a grammar school area. Kids are boys, Richmond, Ealing and surrounds are options though expensive to live in.

I thought all grammar schools had 11+ and were super selective? We’d ruled out Sutton as an option.

No there's selectives in grammar school areas where everyone does the 11+ and gets selected for grammar or goes to a secondary which doesn't have the kids who've been creamed off. Then there's super-selectives that you'd choose for your kids to try for, so the 11+ is only for those who choose and who pass while everyone else ignores that and goes to normal comps. People can apply to Wilson's, Nonsuch etc (or the likes of Tiffin and Graveney which aren't grammars but still select in their own ways) without living so close to the schools so it's more competitive but has less effect on the local secondaries as they still have the full range of abilities. I'd have thought Sutton was one of the places that would give you a choice of options but still think a good comp is the best solution if poss.

You need to reconsider having them both at same school as their learning profiles differ. Are they both boys or girls or are you needing coed? What if dc1 does not get a grammar place would you not enter dc2? For independents or state selectives commutes of up to an hour are not unusual but distance may affect chances of getting state places at a specific school. Are schools in Croydon feasible, if so maybe Trinity worth a look.

See they are boys, look at Epsom schools. Not 11+ based but some single sex and well regarded.

There are also areas that are in between the options outlined by @pinkdelight .

Bexley has selective but not super selective state grammars. There are only 4 of them and the rest are just normal secondary schools. But for Bexley the child sits 11+ and if they get over the pass mark then the usual criteria apply for the grammar admissions, so for most it's based on distance.

Tiffin very much is a (super-selective) grammar!

Apols, less familiar with it.

I think you have to choose the right school for the right child. You’d presumably have to them in different schools when one was in primary and the other secondary. I have two in two different primary schools at the moment and it is a bit of a ball ache re logistics but manageable. Secondary should be easier as they’ll be more independent and less demand for two different sports days or Christmas concerts etc.