Private or state primary for my DD?

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Hi all,

The time has come to start thinking about DD3’s primary school.

We live in a traditionally ‘nice’ area by MN standards and have a few outstanding primary schools close by. But we also have some great prep schools local to us too.

DD is very confident when she is comfortable and used to people/things. She can be very shy and clingy in new situations and in new places - she’s never been a child to just run off and play really. She has never attended any kind of childcare setting so is used to being around me and receiving 1-2-1 attention all of the time. She is very bright and comparing to other kids her age that I know, ahead mentally. She loves learning and questions everything!

I had intended to send her to state primary. Recently I’ve been considering private due to the small class sizes and the fact that she would get more attention from the teacher. I worry that she would be bored and therefore begin to mess around in a state primary and get written off as being too chatty and therefore disruptive in a big class of 30 pupils.

Looking for ideas on state v private for children with similar personalities to DD!

As many will say I suspect, it really depends.

It depends to start with on your finances, which obvs is a matter for your own family. Can you easily afford private primary without significantly curtailing your family lifestyle – holidays, savings, house spending?

Some people think it is better to do state primary and save for private secondary, some that the primary years are more important so choose private primary. That decision depends on the local state and private provision imho. If you live in the catchment of an excellent state school then you may feel that is preferable, supplemented by extra-curricular activities with the ££ you save.

What are the private schools like? Not all private schools are the same – so you need to go and look to see which would fit your DD. Similarly with state primaries.

Are you applying this year for 2026 or are you thinking ahead? If the former, I imagine some open days will have happened already, but I am sure you can ask to look round to get a better idea.

It’s unusual that she has not been in any nursery or pre-school setting at all – I might mention this to the schools you are considering to see what their view is.

ETA: Just noticed you said DD3 – I assume you mean she is 3yo rather than your third DD? If she is your third child, what was your view of the schooling the others had?

I would save your money for secondary if you live in a place with decent schools. I don't think private primary is worth it, personally.

DD went to a state school until secondary, but the year that she was in a class of 16 at age 8 was the most boring of her life. It is far better to have a larger class so you have more choice of friends and more people to take part in class discussions etc.

She was bright and curious, though a bit shy, and was not held back by her state primary. In fact, they were brilliant at finding differentiated activities for her. The main reason we went private later was curriculum, specifically MFL and the arts.

We live in a similar area, lots of outstanding state schools and a choice of preps. In our area the preps are in so much demand that some of them are very selective (and even the non academically selective ones have a waiting list from birth) - check if that is the case for your local preps, as it may not be a case of you making the choice, so much as the schools making it for you.

We've opted for a small local prep and we're happy with the value. Dds have been in classes of 10 to 14 pupils during their time there and they've thrived with the level of attention and haven't felt restricted by the choice of friends. They have a 2 form entry so they combine the classes for certain subjects, which helps with the dynamic. They've also had exposure to more subject specialists from a young age compared to state - PE, French, dance, drama, science, art, music. Plus a wide selection of extracurriculars before/after school, and lunchtimes, more than would be logistically possible by adding on activities after school and weekends. Overall they've been very happy with their time at school and have always been engaged and interested because the curriculum is so rich and any issues are spotted early and dealt with swiftly.

I would visit all of the state and private schools within a reasonable travelling distance - you're not constrained by catchment with private so don't just settle for what's on the doorstep, lots of parents travel for prep.Then apply early to the private schools and check for any assessments - you can apply for as many as you like. I'd make an application for state to keep your options open, and in case of a later change of circumstances. This way you have more time and information to make up your mind, and for your DD's development to become clearer as she gets older. I found that we just knew which school was right for our DDs the moment we visited, and thinking about it in a state/private way wasn't helpful, it was more about finding the school that suited them best.