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Original poster

6 year old dd being refered to mental health

9 replies

Mummabee87 · 03/10/2025 00:03

My dd is 6 and in year 2. At school, shes always been the one that enjoys tidying up, wants to be line leader, well behaved and polite. She has a good little friendship group and she loves school. However at events such as award assembly, nativities, sports day ect. When she sees me she gets emotional and cries. Ive always put it down to her just being overwhelmed.
Shes thriving, her reading and writing is great, shes eager to learn.
Shes not outspoken and wont always put her hand up to answer questions and if she gets something wrong she may get upset. We have been aware of this during reception and year 1. Last year her teacher told us that she often worries she gets forgotten. We have done alot of talking about how its ok if she gets things wrong and that she should then just try again.
I had a phonecall today saying she had refused to gave her school photo taken and got upset. I said thats fine - the photos the last two years have been awful so im not that bothered. And obvously dont want her to do something she doesnt want to do.
They said they are concerned that she gets upset when praised and want to refer her to mental health. Is this not normal for a 6 year old who is learning to manage emotions? And what are mental health likely to suggest? Im happy to support this as if she needs any support then im all for it. But dh is struggling to understand and sees it more as a dig that were not parenting her well - he is also a sensitive soul!

OP posts:
Toodleleetoodleeo · 03/10/2025 00:07

Is she a perfectionist?

I know it gets said a lot on here, but her behaviour sounds very similar to my high functioning ASD/adhddaughter. She's 10 and was only diagnosed last year and prior to that it was only for around a year we even began to suspect she had ASD/adhd

fishtank12345 · 03/10/2025 00:13

If she's neurodiverse then mental health isn't her issue. Could she be? I thought my 2 were "highly sensitive " but no they are autistic.

Greentopping · 03/10/2025 00:17

Dd has a friend who gets overwhelmed and upset easily. She isn't neurodiverse but as a late teen has OCD and an anxiety disorder. She has therapy for it. She is a perfectionist and worries about getting things wrong. But has a lot of friends, is very sociable. Is managing ok with support.

Original poster
Mummabee87 · 03/10/2025 07:44

Toodleleetoodleeo · 03/10/2025 00:07

Is she a perfectionist?

I know it gets said a lot on here, but her behaviour sounds very similar to my high functioning ASD/adhddaughter. She's 10 and was only diagnosed last year and prior to that it was only for around a year we even began to suspect she had ASD/adhd

I wouldnt say shes a complete perfectionist but may have traits. At school she gets upset when getting things wrong and wont give an answer unsless she is certain shes right. However at home shes completely different, more confident and doesnt get upset at getting things wrong. For example when doing home work, she does it her way and isnt bothered if we say thats not what shes supposed to be doing

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummabee87 · 03/10/2025 07:46

Greentopping · 03/10/2025 00:17

Dd has a friend who gets overwhelmed and upset easily. She isn't neurodiverse but as a late teen has OCD and an anxiety disorder. She has therapy for it. She is a perfectionist and worries about getting things wrong. But has a lot of friends, is very sociable. Is managing ok with support.

Thanks. I guess atleast they looking at it early so if there is any issues its picked up early and she can get the support she needs

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummabee87 · 03/10/2025 07:48

Thank you. Hopefully this will be the same for us. Just wasnt quite sure what to expect from the process of the referral. Did your son benefit from the support?

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/10/2025 08:00

My dd was like this.

Diagnosed at 16 as AUDHD.

Please follow it up. It just gets harder for them t hr e older they get.

JillyGiraffe · 28/01/2026 19:20

This could easily be my child but how would you go about getting a diagnosis at such a young age? I would worry about a misdiagnosis as (after a lot of research) it doesn’t seem very clear to me whether it’s anxiety, ADHD or autism.

savemetoo · 28/01/2026 20:23

JillyGiraffe · 28/01/2026 19:20

This could easily be my child but how would you go about getting a diagnosis at such a young age? I would worry about a misdiagnosis as (after a lot of research) it doesn’t seem very clear to me whether it’s anxiety, ADHD or autism.

For ASD they will be looking to see if they are very literal, black and white thinking, their eye contact, stimming, flow of conversation, facial expressions etc
Anxiety is highly comorbid with ASD but you won't get an ASD diagnosis just on the basis that you are anxious.

This is definitely not a dig at your parenting OP! It sounds like school are just worried about her anxiety levels at the moment, it's fantastic that they're not just sweeping it under the carpet or getting frustrated with her.

Both ASD and anxiety often run in families so if her dad is very sensitive she might have inherited one or the other from him. She sounds fantastic but it's wonderful that if she needs support school are being really proactive about it.

DS was observed by a lady from SEND when he was 9 and she was brilliant (later diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when that was still a thing). He survived secondary school and is happily working as a software engineer now. He is still funny with praise and doesn't like to be singled out. If DD is autistic you might find that it really becomes more apparent either in Yr 6 - when the emotional maturity gap really starts to widen - or as she approaches GCSE age when it seems to be quite common for the wheels to fall off a bit.

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