DD Y12 wants to switch Sixth Form and subject - let her or encourage her to stick it out?

[KitDeLuca]

DD went to the same private school from age 4 thrived and thoroughly enjoyed it but admits herself she didn’t get the high grades she was predicted at GCSE due to messing about with friends and leaving the revision too late etc. Expensive (and good all round) education but only middling results.
For sixth form, with her full buy-in, we moved her to a local sixth form attached to a different non-feepaying school mainly For 1. not having to pay the ridiculously inflated fees and 2. A specific ALevel course she wanted to do which is Design specific and something that she thinks she wants to do at university it’s a course that wasn’t offered at the sixth form attached to the previous school.
Now after 2 weeks she’s miserable. She hates it at the new sixth form she’s still got friends at the old one she feels her whole social life is back at the old school and she’s missing out and she’s now saying she wants to switch courses to go back to the old private school and do a different A-level choice. I’m lost. I don’t know how to help her. Should I let her make her own decision and potentially make her own mistake abut her future Uni choices or should we encourage her to stick it out a bit longer and get to know her new setting and make new friends?

she’s the type of girl who will struggle with social confidence at first in university because she’s been in this tiny protected bubble of private school for so long and we thought this new six form would be a stepping stone to giving her confidence for uni but it seems to be having the opposite effect because she’s she doesn’t know anyone there. But it’s only been 2 weeks. Help please wise mums

Difficult one but I'd veer towards encouraging her to stick it out

It is difficult to know, but obviously tricky because she needs to make a decision quite quickly if she wants to swap back. My DD went to a sixth form college where there weren’t many others from her school as we live in a town, and lots of friendship groups at sixth form had come up from city schools together and just weren’t looking for new friends, so despite usually being good at that sort of thing, DD didn’t really make any significant friendships. She was still able to continue her old friendships though as people had gone to so many different colleges it wasn’t like everyone else was in the same place and she was left out. It’s such an important time in their lives socially, and two years is a lot of time to be unhappy. So part of what I would be looking at would be whether there might be good opportunities to make friends, or whether as in my DD’s situation she will be struggling to get into established friendship groups.

Are there other ways that she can get to doing the university course that she wants? If it’s in a subject that isn’t always taught by schools at A-levels, does that mean there’s another path and that an A-level in that specific subject isn’t actually needed?

Does she want to switch subjects or is this about friendships?

personally I’d be checking if she wants to switch subjects at the new place first.

if not then this is about going back to her comfort zone. It is quite likely that if she does go back to her old school she’ll find some friends have moved on and others aren’t in her classes so I’d discourage it particularly as you’d be paying a lot of money for it.

mine stayed on but wound up I. Classes with very few of their friends. It’s an adjustment either way.

If she’s goes back to the other school you run the risk of her just socialising and not working again….I'd say stick it out for the half term at least.

What subjects is she currently doing and what would she change to? What does she want to do at uni?

yes this.

The friendships will change and develop when/if she goes onto further education anyway and the friends all go on to do their own things. To jack in something she wants to do for her future to prioritise friends now would be a mistake IMO.

Sounds like she’ll have a lot of growing up if she is going to succeed at university, as they need self motivation which sounds like something she is lacking.

Thank you all so much. It’s so hard to establish how much is just her missing her friends and how much is truly not liking the course. But m trying to get her to think objectively about it. Would she swap courses where she is now is a good question

Difficult! She needs to settle fast. There is really only 1.5 years to get all the courses done, so there is no time to waste with settling in issues.

You need to have a good talk with her and her school and come up with a plan. I suggest you ask for a meeting with the head of 6th form.

Thanks everyone. @dizzydizzydizzygood advice. I’ve got a meeting with the Head of Sixth Form tomorrow lunchtime where she is now and I’m seeing the Head at the old school tomorrow afternoon. Just need to gather all the info and then make a definitive choice this weekend. On Monday we start again and no more dithering as it’s wasting previous time she should be engaging with her subjects. Argh this is wearing me out. I just want her to be happy and get on with it