Who will come and sympathise with me on the subject of bright boys who can't be bothered to make an effort with schoolwork?

[frogs]

Argh. Ds on inset day, I'm trying to make him finish his holiday homework, which is a thoughtful, well-structured and (you'd think) boy-friendly and interesting task involving a piece of extended writing about an adventure in Antarctica. Based on the previous half-term's geography work, so by no means the usual 'get your parents to research it on google and tell you what to write' routine.

Boy is bright. Boy is in Y4, and reads extremely well and very widely. Boy is nonetheless reluctant to produce anything other than the shortest, scruffiest, most ill-spelled piece of unimaginative scrawl, and alternates between grumps and tears when encouraged to crank it up a notch. And he can write beautifully when he wants to, I've seen the evidence. But mostly he just doesn't want to, would rather be lounging round the place, kicking a ball or playing SuperMario. Which he has spent most of half term doing, before you all criticise me for being a demon pushy mother from hell.

Argh. Will it get better? Please tell me he won't be like this when he's 15, and I won't have to worry about him spending the rest of his life working in McD's? Please tell me something that will stop me wanting to lie on the floor biting mouthfuls out of the carpet?

Blimey. I've taught loads of bright boys and getting coursework has been like getting blood from a stone with many of them, but I've always got it in the end, and they've all performed just fine in their GCSEs. Of course, I teach Science, and wordier subjects might prove trickier, but I think you're over reacting slightly mumof237.

Don't be so pompous, mumoftwo37.

Update -- there seem to be more cheery noises coming from the kitchen table now, after I told him about 10 mins ago to stop sobbing, it was putting me off my work. He's just scuttered upstairs to ask me how to spell 'crevasses' and 'unconscious', which must be a good sign.

mumoftwo37 - I know frogs in RL and believe me, she doesn't have problems getting her DCs to listen to her, as a general rule (unlike me - I am an ineffectual wet lettuce!)

Wasn't being pompous Frogs but I am now. My DS2 and his friends are in the garden making a tepee safe in the knowledge their homework is all done - not sat sobbing at the kitchen table!

Oh FGS.

Frogs - cheery noises sound good .

Well aren't you a great mum, 37. Ds spent most of last week building dens and jumping on the trampoline in the garden of a friend's house in the country. A wet monday in London seems like a much better homework location.

SSB - he didn't listen to me about the chilli, did he? He liked the idea of a trip to H woods, btw.

SSB I gave my advice in a genuine way to begin with and told Frogs what works for me - only for her to accuse me of putting the knife in which I did not appreciate.
I have been there with DS2 and explained that to her but, although she asked for advice she didn't want to accept it.
I can't be bothered with people who accuse me of being something I am not and so I am going now to see to my DS1 who has just come in from school, he is much more important than this crap and no I won't have a problem getting him to do his homework either.

Frogs why don't you grow up and stop being so personal. If you can't take advice don't bloody ask for it.

Frogs - you are being rather silly and spiteful.

I'm really not going to get drawn into this argument. Sounds like Frogs has sorted it now anyway.

Frogs, I've just emailed you.

Goodness! Can't believe houw this thread has turned.....I was going to say, you seemed to have described my DS to a tee and I'm shocked that it carries on that long, I thought they grow out of it. Boy thats depressing for me.....

It would be interesting to know if such boys end up in selective schools though

I think they do grow out of it.

Some do. DH on the other hand has had to be stapled to his desk to complete any coursework at all, up to and including his MBA....

as a sixth form teacher I can tell you that sadly they don't all grow out of it. At least not until they cock up their first set of sixth form exams.

If I had a fiver for every time I've warned a bright but lazy boy that they will crash and burn if they don't put some work in, been ignored, and then been proved right, I wouldn't need to teach.

To a degree I have sympathy for them, since up to A level, the work is often very easy for them. But A levels are different and you need to know how to work and revise if you are to do well in them

How did this thread get so nasty so quickly . Frogs, I have a ds now 13 and some of the 'qualities' he had at primary school - dashing off work, rather be on computer/playing etc - are now gradually turning into benefits of sorts in that he is really 'efficient' with his homework . Yes, he might be able to do better if he spent much longer on it but it's pretty good as is and he's organised, gets it done, ticks it off and still finds time to relax and have some fun. In the workplace I think sometimes these qualities are really valuable - the good-enough principle. I have friends with girls who spend ages going over and over a piece of homework to get it better. It takes ages, they get stressed out - not sure that's necessarily the best way.

Frogs - it is a boy problem - ds is 12 and getting him to do his homework is a trial, and has been for years. I am also a secondary school teacher, so am aware of the issue.

We have a deal that he is allowed so long to play per day and then he has to work. In a minute I will be kicking ass, as he has had 30 minutes to chill, so then he has to do half his English h/w, and can then play once he has packed for tomorrow.

Only you know what strategies work for your kids. Some get on with the work straight away, others have to be pushed. I'd have done the homework at the end of the week as well, and let him have a week sleeping and roaring around to recharge batteries. Sometimes by this stage in the term their brains need a break before they tackle anything else.

If they are at a school where there will be consequences if work not done properly, such as staying in at breaktime until a decent piece of work is produced, leave them to it.

A good relationship between mother and son can become a battleground on this issue. They will soon realise there is no point in producing rubbishy work if you lose outside play time to have to redo it.

He will still be like this when he is 15.

He will get into university anyway (he's got you on his team, s'obvious!).

He will - as someone said above - figure out the rules and do just well enough by playing them skilfully.

He will leave his dissertation till the last minute, come and mither the life out of me a week before the deadline (it is ALWAYS the lads that do that, ALWAYS), and not get quite such a good mark as he should have done.

He will still get a good, well-paid job, and be a happy person.

So - do whatever works for YOU, right now, your boy is going to be FINE.

Back to marking those dissertations, then...

My dh was exactly the same. He grew out of it when he did badly at Uni and then paid to do a foundation year for a Masters. Once he was paying for it he started working.

Thanks for the helpful comments, particularly from teachers. Seems like the elusive happy medium really is the way forward, which I kind of knew anyway. It's just a tricky path to find, sometimes.

I'm not quite sure what I did to be accused of being 'silly and spiteful' -- I was asking for sympathy and reassurance from people with similar experiences, not a parenting bootcamp courtesy of the mumsnet gestapo.

Seems like you only have to breathe the wrong way on MN these days to be caught in a hail of flak.

Hi Frogs. I really really sympathise. I have a really motivated self-starting DD and a boy who sounds just like yours. I know what you mean about illegible scrawls and dissolving into tears if you encourage (so you don't, and if you don't nothing happens at all).

I did talk to the school. They said he was very bright but he wouldn't demonstrate it until he found something to motivate him. (like what? Like how? Can't you help with this?)

I actually worried for ages about his reading age because I don't think he ever reads, despite having a lovely bookcase full of the most interesting books I could find.

I don't have any answers

Quattro, I think there really are no answers. I looked at his homework task and thought, 'oh great, that sounds really interesting and motivating and boy-friendly, so he can get into it and actually produce something exciting.' So I was particularly when his original draft had all the thrills and enthusiasm of an office furniture catalogue. Or less, in fact.

I think I will delegate dh to check it through later this evening, instead of me.

By the end he had cheered up about it, though, and seemed to be showing a bit of energy, which is a good sign. It's almost as if a switch flicks in his head -- he's perfectly capable of doing great work, but only when the moon is full, or Mars is in the ascendant, or he had Frosties for breakfast or something.

Gah.

Blimey, sometimes the strangest threads kick off, don't they.

Anyway, the key seems to be to find out what interests them and then they buckle down and get on with it.

I like the idea of doing it on a computer too - that certainly would help DS1. Does anybody know of a good touch typing package? I know you can do it on-line on the BBC but is that the best/easiest?

Only problem is that they have to learn that sometimes they have to do things even if they don't find them interesting. Sadly I don't hold out much hope with that as DH is not great at doing stuff just because it needs doing so not surprising DS1 isn't keen either.

I've just read the whole thread - blimey I really don't think you understand - some homeworks (esp maths) my ds will whizz through - anything involving stringing two words together is painful and put off. You encourage them - they dig their heels in.

Quattro, my ds is almost the opposite -- he can string words together, but only when the mood takes him. He's not remotely keen on (or good at) maths, but because the task is more constrained, it doesn't seem quite as daunting, I think. The 'rightness or wrongness' of maths somehow makes it more boy-friendly even to the least mathematically-inclined.