Tricky one about removing kids from private school

[havingaschoolcrisis]

Namechanging regular here.
My kids private school (prep) has caused me some issues in the past few years, all of which have sort of been dealt with, but not very well. It has now had an inspection report which is dire. It gives it an overall grade of satisfactory, but says that a LOT of the teaching (including a fair few department heads) are inadequate. It doesn't make nice reading.

I now feel bad because a lot of the areas they said were poor tally with the problems that I've had. It all resonated with me. I have accepted quite a lot of assurances that they were dealing with certain issues which clearly they weren't.

Anyway we've decided to take them out. Obviously the usual thing is 1 full terms notice - they will be getting less than half a term from me, but I feel like their side of the contract has been broken. So in a way I'm happy to tell them to sue me for the money, but then again any school I send the kids to will want a Head's report on them (from their previous school).

So. How do I handle this? Do I send the Head a letter saying "for these reasons I consider the school not to have kept their end of the bargain and I'm taking them out immediately" and hope he will treat the children fairly in his report? Or do I tell him verbally I'm taking the children out, and say "I hope this won't affect your ability to give a fair report to the next school" and send him the letter after? And do I tell the other schools that the reason I'm taking them out is because this one is crap? Or do I pay the terms fees (almost £9,000 - several children) for the sake of peace and quiet (I really don't have that sort of money to flush down the loo, and to be honest I don't think they deserve it). I expect quite a lot of children will be removed so they may well be chasing everyone for that cash, financially it is going to be a bad year for them I guess.

Please help, I'm feeling a bit crap and vulnerable and need some handholding. Thanks.

No that one isn't going to work avenap. He is well aware that I can afford it.

Oh, the other thing about the school we took ds out of was that it wasn't over-subscribed. So it couldn't "sell" his place, as someone else described it. I suspect a school with a bad report isn't going to be over-subscribed either.

Is it at all possible to defer the move until January?

This whole report issue is a red herring isn't it? The schools all know one another - the report about the children is not going to be in any way biased.

The crunchy issue in the report is going to be over why the OP left the school with unpaid fees and that is what may prejudice the new schools against her. Unless the new schools are desperate of course - although desperate is probably not a terribly good sign

Agree with those who say you'll prob have to pay. Unfortunately they are a business and immune to "it's not fair."

Trouble is Bink that child 1 will need to move into year 6, so will only be in the new school for a year. I don't want to move her for 2 terms.

Also we have to rent a house in area of new school. Lots of familyhouses available in August for Sept start - none over Christmas.

Also I feel like we have failed child 1 over the last couple of years - didn't heed warning signs - and I slightly feel that we have reached the end of the road. If it isn't right for the kids, it isn't right NOW, IYSWIM.

New schools aren't desperate, they are trying to see if they can squeeze us in. Surely my obligation to pay fees comes in Sept? (No, it is when I hand in notice, isn't it). Anyway they have to invoice me and I then have to not pay - if I sort out new schools in the next fortnight maybe I won't yet have Not Paid the Fees

You've seen them now though. I know that we all see problems and hope things will improve. I've done it myself. I think not paid fees are seen differently then not given any notice before moving my child fees IYSWIM. I would have a chat to the head of the new school to judge their thoughts on the topic. It's not as if you are using the school and running off without paying though.

Actually what I want you to tell me is that everything will be OK, I can have my cake and eat it - ie move my kids, start at a new school on short notice, and not pay my notice period at the old one.
What you are all actually saying is "yes, it is horrible to decide to leave a school because you think it is failing your kids and then have to pay a terms notice on top, but that is what you contracted to do...". You are all right.
I think it is worth biting the bullet, accepting that I am likely to have to pay a terms fees on top of all the rest of the stress, and seeing if I can talk them into letting me off some of it. There is no point entering into a fight I'm unlikely to win, and making myself look bad in front of a new school that (hopefully) I will have children at for the best part of a decade.

Thank you everyone, a great help in clarifying my thinking, you are all lovely and kind (and NOBODY said "serves you right for sending them to a poncy private school, you ponce". I'm a teensy bit disappointed in that, tbh )

serves you right for sending them to a poncy private school you ponce .

I'm a ponce too.

There should be a grading for private schools. I went to see one a few years ago and it was truly awful. Cold, depressing, sad children.... At least we'll know what we are signing up to.

Yesbut...surely a term's notice doesn't mean until the end of this term and then an additional full term, does it? It should start from now and then however many weeks into next term make a full term. Also, September is the right time for them to start new children...maybe if you threatened to send them in the weeks you are paying fro they would relent..as it will be very hard to recruit newcomers later in the school year / half way through a term?

Or maybe I am barking up the wrong lamp post.

Blu: A terms notice should start before the start of the last term. OP should have given it in April before the start of the summer term. If you give notice half way through then you have to pay for the next term aswell. Harsh but this is how it works.

avenanap - the current school got a very good on its pastoral care and an outstanding on its boarding section which is good - but it does mean that the school's main response to the whole report is "but at least we are a HAPPY school, everyone is so happy!". To which my response is "Imagine how happy they would be if the teaching wasn't inadequate. They'd be ecstatic!!"

blu - lovely lamp post... but the wrong one I'm afraid

havingaschoolscrisis - I had to bite my tongue! - but what I wanted to say is why on earth do people accept crap from private schools they wouldn't accept from state ones?

because we all hope that it will get better. It herdly ever does though.

they don't
well I don't
well I'm not any more
my loins are girded

grrr

Would it be possible to start your children at another school in January instead of September avoiding losing the money?

If this doesn't suit I think I would speak to the Head and either:

1. be completely honest and say your reasons for leaving. If the Head is reasonable maybe he will know the school is partly to blame and offer to waive next terms fees and only keep your deposit..or if he is not reasonable maybe you could start arguing your case and he may back down..as he will not want any parent to be too upset as he may then risk losing further pupils.

1. Make an excuse that you are having to move and will not be able to keep the children there due to distance and can they agree to just keep your deposit and not the terms fees.

I think it would be better to see him face to face rather that write a letter..
I doubt he would try to hold you to paying the full terms fees even if it is in the contract.

I am a Govenor ata private prep school and can tell you that you WILL be chased for the full fees - it will be put in the hands of the school's solicitors very quickly - the terms and conditions are watertight, and a full term's notice means that you need to give notice up to the day before the term starts. You would be put to great expense and hassle in fighting this on the basis of under performance, and interest will run on the amount owed if you lose.

In my experience most parents will either write the cheque in blood cursing all the while, or stick it out and give the relavent notice. You do not want to be marked down as a bad payer at any other school, and you can guarantee that school Bursars do chat to each other "off the record".

he only circumstances where I have known the fees to be waived is if a family has been posted abroad at short notice, or there has been a bereavement or something which means the family cannot cope financially.

I know someone who was in exactly this position two years ago. The current school was failing her child badly (and in fact was pretty poor in general) so she moved him with less than a term's notice, explaining her reasons. She felt she had the moral high ground and didn't pay the fees owing. The school very quickly took legal action and her own legal advice was that she would have to pay. The eventual amount she had to pay was substantially increased as she had to pay some legal costs the school had already incurred and interest. She was paying fees at the new school too (and had fees for another child elsewhere) and actually struggled to pay. The school generously let her pay in three installments but that was it. Ironically the school (which was long established) actually failed and closed down the following summer.

I have done the sticking it out thing and I regret it so much now. Things never got any better and my DS would have had a much happier junior school life if I had moved him much sooner. About the only upside was he was then in the state sector so the sticking out did save us a couple of years fees, but I regret so much that I didn't give him the opportunity for a happy school life earlier. I think you are really brave for moving them as this sort of change is really hard and although the financial implication is galling I think the reality is you get to the point where your child's happiness/future/achievement is infinitely more valuable than a term's worth of fees.

Still sucks that you have to pay them though so I think I would do a reasoned letter indicating that you hope under the circumstances they will not bill you, because it's got to be worth a try and they might surprise you!

Why the name change?

not having a go -just curious

Thanks mysteryfairy, that is really interesting. We went to see another school today and it was so fantastic, it was a completely different league. So I'm sure it is the right decision, even though it involves a house move and all sorts of stress etc.
Ggirl - the name change is because I know at least a couple of other parents at the current school post on here (and maybe more) and I know they would recognise the school from my OP. And it wouldn't be a big leap for them to identify me if I'd posted under my usual posting name...

Message withdrawn

Unfortunately, I dont think you have a choice. Pay up or wait and draw it out, which will probably be unsettling for you and the children.

I wouldnt get too hung up about the report side. Our head refuses to write anything more than a brief report when parents apply for new schools in the area, the reason is that he thinks that his teachers should spend their time teaching and not putting together glowing reading for the next school, and making their selection process easier.

Moving out of the area is a completely different kettle of fish though.

could you move child 1 and pay her terms fees but leave others for the term and start them in new school in january having givena terms notice ??