State or Private - SEN

[MumTeach88]

I am trying to decide between state and private school for my son (starting Sept 26). He has suspected ADHD and a slight speech delay. He is bright but finds big crowds more challenging and goes into 'fight' (fight, flight, freeze) when scared. He is doing really well and his main focus is on emotional regulation. We are not 'minted' but we can make private work if we need to by cutting back on other things.
I am in Surrey (just to add as the rep of our SEN through county is shocking). Anyone experienced both settings? Thoughts? Thanks

DC1 started in state. Moved to private for Y4. DC2 started in private and is now in state as we could not afford both.

original state school was ofsted outstanding but was terrible for our child. too noisy. Too rigid. Just overwhelming. Later we found out he was neurodivergent But not before his self esteem had been knocked terribly.

the right private school has done wonders. (We have tried a few). Small classes. Supportive teaching staff. Plenty of sport. Nurturing SEN team.

it has made a huge difference and improved behaviour at home too because they are less stressed at the end of the school day.

DC2 is in a different state school and I’ve been impressed. However. 30 kids in a class. 3 forms per year. Is A Lot. Too much sometimes.

One thing to consider is that many children only become disruptive if their needs aren’t met.
State schools are less well equipped, and often focus interventions on disruptive children.
Private schools (not exam mills!) are more likely to intervene before children get disruptive
At least that is our experience

This is absolutely what I think is happening (or rather was happening) at the nursery he was at. We're now looking for another option. In their words, "They don't know what they were doing" and he was getting stressed. When he is with less children or with us in less crowded settings, having his needs met (e.g. sensory breaks) we aren't seeing the extent of hitting/pushing etc.

One thing to consider is that many children only become disruptive if their needs aren’t met.

Yes - this was actually the case with my DS2, who doesn’t have SEN. We moved schools due to DS1’s SEN needs being completely unmet at our village primary, to the extent that he wasn’t safe. DS2’s behaviour transformed immediately he started at the new school (including his taster days).

@CatkinToadflax same for us. went private for oldest SENDs (oldest is quiet so just got ignored), massive benefit for youngest (gifted and talented) as well. From bored senseless (and misbehaving ) to doing really well.

Pretty much identical situation to us!

I'm of completely the opposite opinion - unless it's one of the very academic London schools. And my three have been to a range of state and private.
Most state schools have classes of 30 and the teachers don't have the time or the resources to look after the ones who need more attention.

Having said that though, if it's going to be a push, start with a small state school and see how you get on.

We moved to private due to issues with ds who has ASD - state school was too noisy, chaotic, not enough structure, he was basically coasting academically (he has spikey profile but isn’t below average) and no one was interested as they were stretched and other kids had greater problems.
moved to small private with classes of 15-16, more structure and he did really well there. Now in medium sized private.
look at less selective schools, the competitive selectives are not keen on mild SEND of any type but the smaller less selective are often excellent.