Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

Whatever dictation tool you are using from your helicopter 🤣 is letting you down. I use dictation AI at work and it’s unheard of for words to run together like “tripreally” as in your text. Dictation also doesn’t allow for the spelling mistakes you’ve made, although homophones do go through.

I think we can conclude you aren’t dictating. Hold on - does that mean that there’s no helicopter as well?!

Regardless - it was not done to humiliate.

There was clearly confusion - perhaps a teacher said hang on a minute, tubsters son did X yesterday, what's he doing here, he's not supposed to be going on any excursions - and another teacher says - oh, I'd not heard about that - we'd better check with the Housemaster/Housemistress.

And then they have to contact whoever they need to contact to find out what's going on.

In the meantime they ask your son and his friend to wait on a bench while they figure out if they're supposed to be on the trip or not.

Or whatever. I'm having to surmise because you're being deliberately cagey.

Whatever the situation, clearly there was confusion and the teachers needed to decide what to do.

As I'm sure you know, in a school, the registers of who is and isn't on the premises at any given time have to be 100% accurate for fire safety regs.

If the Housemaster thought your child was in school because he'd been banned from excursions due to his 'misdemeanour' as you put it, and was supposed to be in prep or whatever, but he'd actually gone on the trip, and there had been a fire alarm while they were out, the whole school would have been unnecessarily turned upside down looking for your son.

You can't take a child off premises unless everyone knows they're off premises. So they needed to check. Your son spent a few minutes on a bench as a result. Not the end of the world. And my point still stands - he was on the bench because of something he did wrong. The whole situation would never have arisen if he hadn't misbehaved the previous day. That is the reality you don't seem to want to accept.

This response to two perfectly reasonable questions says it all really! OP refuses to explain what her child was accused of and tries to shoot down any discussion of what standards a boarding school should be held account to.

I haven't read all the replies but it feels totally wrong that your son was treated so harshly especially if he is normally a sensitive polite pupil who behaves well and doesn't challenge the teachers .And that you are paying the school for this experience .It is completely wrong for the school to crush him and his confidence and to leave him distressed in front of his classmates .It is possible that the teachers may resent his priviledge .
It is good that he has you on his side .My 12 year old son was very upset years ago when he was unfairly punished for something relatively small .It is a sensitive age .I supported him quietly and fully and it definitely helped to modify his ideas about authority and to realise that people can make mistakes .I was very upset and angry at the time but in my heart I knew I was right and the school was wrong on that occasion and it was quite a valuable lesson .

I absolutely agree - children should know consequences. They should sit with being uncomfortable. But it needs to be proportionate and fair.

Yes exactly. It was a relatively small misdemeanour - and if anything he was shocked and confused more than anything. I did have some big chats with him, as did some lovely other teachers . Thank you x

We need to take your word for it being disproportionate and unfair though, don’t we? Tubsters, you’re the judge, the jury and your parenting is an inspiration to us all 😂

It was an hour. And after 13 years of experience at the same school, I expect better

I hope your son is okay and I hope you sued the pants off them. While the OP’s gripe is minimal compared to yours, it doesn’t make it right and she does have the right to advocate for her child. For what it’s worth the bench thing wouldn’t infuriate me as much as the meeting. I would lose my shit over that.

Are you ok?

There are no ‘winners’ by the time you’ve almost exhausted the grievance process. The panel will mainly side with the school. I hope being able to share your experience at the panel hearing is cathartic for you and you are able to move on.

All ok here, thanks Tubsters ☺️

Fudgie
Oh my god that is utterly terrifying! I hope he’s doing well now 💕

Thanks Fudgie. He's 46 now, so survived a few more of those incidents...he of course, remembers little, but I do...the terror, the agony of not knowing the outcome of the next few seconds, talking him through his unconsciousness as he voided bowels and bladder, blue lipped, pale-skinned...

The school actually outdid itself the next year.

All kids had to run cross country - 3 miles, no excuses. DS hated to be different, so off he went, clutching his Ventolin inhaler, using it every minute or so...arrghh! Arrived back last, arrogant PE teacher made him do 3 laps of the rugby fields as "punishment."
He collapsed, unconscious. Bluelighted to hospital.

Evidently, lessons were not learned. That school felt the edge of my tongue, I assure you. HM's eardrums lacerated, PE teacher invited to find alternative employment.

I just cannot see the justification for a comparatively low level misdemeanour to have 3 adults there and one child. Seems totally OTT.
He has never been in trouble before .

Yes it sounds very intimidating and I would have a few choice words that wouldn’t be “sir” for the headmaster too

As an ex governor I would start by asking to see the schools punishment policy. It might even be on their website. Possibly under behaviour policy. I remember being humiliated by teachers or dinner ladies who let a bit of power go to their head. It has stayed with me.

Sorry, but as a private school teacher, this is a load of tosh.

We don't resent our students' privilege and take pleasure in punishing them for it!! We also don't let them get away with whatever they want because their parents are paying fees.

We are held to exactly the same professional standards as our state school colleagues.

For heaven's sake. It's not the 1950s anymore and private schools no longer resemble something from an Evelyn Waugh novel.

The OP's child has not been disproportionately punished or had his spirit crushed, ffs. He was asked to wait on a bench while the teachers checked if he was allowed to go on a trip or not. This made him feel humiliated as he was visible to other classmates while crying, but that was not the intention of the teachers and it was not designed as a punishment. This has become abundantly clear from the OP's responses and yet she is continuing to insist that somehow the school has committed some kind of crime.

Gosh, You kept him in the same school after that act of negligence ?

Have other children been punished harshly and unfairly in a humiliating fashion to your knowledge under this new head, or just your son?

comparatively low level misdemeanour.

So that's what it was? In whose opinion? Evidently not the school's.

Still no response to my demand for evidence of classism and incompetence, OP.

OP do what you feel you gotta do - you are going to anyway whatever most think. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

An hour?

Nonsense.

You're telling me that the teachers deliberated for an hour about whether he was allowed to go on a trip, while the other kids were waiting around, and the trip was delayed?

This would happen in no school, ever.

It might have felt like an hour to your son, but I can assure you it would not have been.

Gosh, You kept him in the same school after that act of negligence ?

For the three months left of the school year, yes.
They had the message, well and truly.

Why, what would you do?

My goodness some over invested posters angry with the @tubsters for declining to offer details on the misdemeanour.

If you’re going to panel, being calm and measured is important. Don’t let the Head get to claim you’re an over reacting hysterical mother (as some posters are trying to imply lol). You might find it interesting to read up a bit on why using shaming techniques are just so harmful to learning.

For example; Monroe, A. (2008). Shame Solutions: How Shame Impacts School-Aged Children and What Teachers Can Do to Help. The Educational Forum, 73(1), 58–66. https://doi.org/10.1080/001317208025396 There is another excellent book I’ll post the name as soon as I can find it.

I’d also focus on the impact of the punishment on your DS in terms of loss of a trusting relationship with his teachers, his long standing good behaviour, his character and your concerns over how this will negatively impact his learning. Citing academic evidence (x’s 2024 paper on using humiliation as a control mechanism in schools has found a, b and c’s negative impact on learning) can help bring emotional distance as well as strengthening your complaint.

Good luck. I absolutely hate bullies of young children and those who claim that teachers or Heads are not capable of bullying children live in some utopia disconnected from the real world.

Yes they have it turns out, so I have learnt only afterwards