Not sending one child to private school

[TBC45678]

Inspired by a thread which really kicked off about the idea of first two children going independent and the third going to state school - would people feel similarly strongly about a situation where older two boys go to a private school and the younger girl goes to a very good girls grammar school? Hypothetical as mine are very young still, but I've pondered the possibility.

The grammar schools in our area are excellent and I would choose them over any of the private schools.All single sex and my boys thrived at school.If anything my daughter found her single sex grammar school a bit of a minefield!

My brother and I were sent to single sex boarding schools. The sisters of the boys that I know through my brother, who were not sent private when their brothers were, all seem to have issues with their parents and/or their siblings due to the perceived 'unfairness'.

We have four children so moved specifically to an area with outstanding state comprehensives and grammar schools. However, we had a similar dilemma when one of my sons was being badly failed by the state primary he was at (the older two were at excellent single sex grammars by then, and the youngest hadn't started school). We visited all of the local prep schools with a view to moving him, but decided against because we didn't want to 'advantage' one over the others (even though their state secondary education was excellent)...and just went back to his existing school and demanded that the school fix the issue - which they did. Had they not all passed the 11+, it may have come up again as we got close to public exams, but I still think we would have persisted with the state system.

(It is true that statistically boys do better in mixed sex, and girls in single sex - but it really does depend on the school, your child and their characters!)

No I wouldn’t do that

I would assume that this is because you don’t
think girls should have the same education as boys. I’m afraid it comes across as misogyny to me.

@Icanttakethisanymore Where I live, we have two types of prep. Those that go to y6 and focus on 11 plus for grammars. As most parents using them have a good education themselves, they do get the majority of dc to the grammars.

The other more elite preps go to 13 and the vast majority are looking for boarding schools. They are not intending to go to the local grammars for y7. Obviously a few do, but mostly it’s not their aim. The non grammars are not comps. They cannot be and most of the private secondaries are not equivalent to the grammars either.

Therefore many parents choose the “crammer” preps and game but if they don’t get a grammar place, they either take a state secondary place (and haven’t spent money very wisely!) or dig very deep and hope a private secondary is available but the best of them have their own preps, so they select. If you haven’t got the money for private all the way, many gamble on 11 plus by funding a no frills prep, but failing to get a place at a grammar is then a headache.

Ok so for those invested/accusing me of sexism - I've done more digging on the schools:

• Boys' grammar - ranked lowest on times schools list. 60% a*-b a levels and 75% 7+ GCSE levels
• girls' grammar - ranked 82 places higher than the boys' grammar. 75%a*-b a levels and 77% 7+ GCSE levels
• independent school - ranked 41 higher than boys and 36 lower than girls on times schools list. 76%a*-b a levels and 76% 7+ GCSE

So hopefully people can understand a little more why I'd be considering the idea. I know this is just data alone. As I said in my post this is SO hypothetical. I've no idea of the academic aptitude of the kids yet (really), or their personalities either! I'm 5 years off deciding for any of them. They are all at a bog standard state primary so unless we tutor they are probably unlikely to get in to the grammars or the privates anyway! And we are lucky to have a great comprehensive option as our closest school. It's so helpful to hear all the experiences of those who lived through a similar situation and how they found it so thanks to those of you who have given thoughtful and reasoned advice, much appreciated!

we moved our son out of his country prep to go to the grammar school in year 7. It's been a culture shock for him but the prep though lovely (country club atmosphere) he wasn't learning anything. No streaming, no differentiation, v little challenge. Now he has much brighter peers and is having to work. He has said himself the teachers are much better and he's actually learning stuff and getting pleasure from his lessons!

His sister is at a coed independent day school which sadly is not that great. our kids are equally smart but the girls grammar was too far away for us to access. She finds the coed independent slow and some of the kids are quite disruptive. So she I would argue is disadvantaged by the private school. She doesn't plan to stay there for the sixth form..

Does it begin with a C?

@TBC45678 those three schools have almost identical GCSE results - so if results are the basis for sending boys private, it doesn't make much sense. The A Levels are lower, but they can change schools at that point. Both mine moved to different schools for sixth form.

@crazycrofter interesting point, hadn't really considered that as an idea. At my (grammar) school a couple of less OTT academic people left for A-levels elsewhere but that was unusual. I've always imagined them staying put for A-levels.

Also wouldn't it be much harder to get in somewhere good for A-levels? For example how many extra A-level places would a private school release usually?

Quite a few I'd have thought. My dd went from girls independent (on a bursary - see explanation above!) to a boys grammar, as they took girls at sixth form. There were around 50/60 new students. Several new students started at her old school too - not as many as it's a smaller school. She also had offers from an outstanding sixth form college, another mixed grammar and an outstanding comprehensive. Lots of places open up to you at sixth form, which wouldn't have been options for year 7 due to catchment areas.

Ds went from a boys grammar to a comprehensive (an Ofsted outstanding one), as we moved house. There was no suggestion that there wouldn't be room for him; I don't think they were 'full'.

@TBC45678 Progress data can be illuminating too. There’s nothing to choose between those schools really but … you might find grammars dc take tough subjects for A level. What are destination universities? That tells you quite a bit about whether dc are academic or not and size of cohort matters too.

@sheep73 You have to be selected for a grammar. Most people don’t just choose one or everyone would. It’s a decision about taking tests or not.