Settling in sessions!

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I am having to find a new childcare provider for my 2 year old. She has been with a childminder since about 9 months old.

She is a super sensitive girly and the settlement period was us visiting twice a week together for a couple of weeks. I know this is extreme. I was a FTM and wanted to ensure my baby was safe.

Anyway, although she is settled she still cries at drop off. Fine as soon as she goes in.

As i am enquiring with nurseries, there settling sessions either dont include parents or parents stay for 15 minutes. My girl would absolutely freak with either option.

Is this the norm? Do i need to just put my big girl pants on and suck it up. The thought of just leaving her in a unfamiliar place distressed makes me feel so uneasy!

This is the norm ime. .maybe the first day you could stay but I don't think a nursery would stretch out the settling in period for too long. They will want your dd to get used to being there on her own. Most kids freak out at first but soon they trust that you will be back to get them.

Having other parents can unettle the other children,so they need to balance all the children's needs.

I have 2 dds and they attended different nurseries, and both of them had gradual settling in sessions. Nursery 1 had a 1 hour home visit by her key worker, then a 2 hour session on day 1 (I stayed for 1 hour). On day 2 she went in for 3 hours (I didn't stay), on day 3 she stayed 5 hours, on day 5 she stayed 7 hours (she attended for 3x7 hour days per week).

This was in 2020 so under pandemic conditions too - some nurseries weren't allowing parents to enter for settling sessions, but ours argued that it was essential for the dcs to feel safe and secure. The nursery was very nurturing and well-staffed, and the presence of other adults didn't unsettle the other children (there were usually other occasional parent visits like fathers' day teas and in normal conditions they had a regular stay and play when parents could spend an hour or so with dcs in the morning - due to the pandemic this was changed to zoom sessions where we could watch remotely).

With nursery 2, dd stayed for 2 hours on day 1 (I stayed for 2 hours), 3 hours on day 2 (I stayed for 3 hours), 3 hours on day 3 (I stayed for 2 hours but went to sit in the hall so I could be called back quickly if there were problems), 3 hours on day 4 (I stayed for 1 hour then sat in the hall), 3 hours on day 5 (dropped off in the morning and sat in the hall). DD attends for 5x 3 hour sessions pw. The nursery invites parents in a few times a term, and they have a parent come in as a mystery reader most weeks.

Neither of them were ever tearful at dropoff or reluctant to go in. I think the gradual settling worked well for them, although it's not convenient for working parents (the settling sessions were done by nannies in some cases).