After 7 years in the school system why are BOTH my DDs deeply unhappy.

[NaughtyNigella]

DD1 - never a moments bother with her. she's dyslexic and getting hasstled by teachers about her spelling. she also has trouble with her knees - got a GP to writea letter to get her off PE - now she's getting hasstled about that. She is also unhappy in her tutor group - doesn't have many friends in her group, says they are too noisy for her. is also a bit hormonal and emotional.

DD2 - hates school passionately since last september. had some trouble with a bully, now sorted, also some health problems - sort of sorted. I have to take her in every morning and hand her over. she gets in to trouble for talking. says she's bored.

they are driving me nuts.
whycant they just get on with it?

will add to my list of woes later but they are needing my undivided attention.

How old are they? What sort of help is dd1 getting with her dyslexia?

DD1 is 12 DD2 is 10.
Rant 1. DD1 isn't getting any help with dyslexia. have appt with SENCO in june to sort it out.

Rant 2. would you think a child who hates school and says she is bored needs help? i've left it for months and months waiting for it to sort itself out but am a bit fed up now. problem is she is a bit naughty. she got sent out f class today for talking and banging her chair when she was asked to move to the back of the class. She says it wasn't her fault and she was telling another child to stop talking to her.

You have my total sympathy. Trying to get support for dyslexic kids is an absolute nightmare, particularly at secondary level where their individual teachers often don't seem to informed that they have dyslexic children in their classes. I've had exactly the same issues in the UK and Australia which are basically lack of communication and some teachers who don't believe dyslexia exists. I have now accepted that DS1 (14) will never be able to spell at what most people would consider an acceptable level, but you can understand what he writes and from next year he will use a laptop in school which will take some of the pressure off.

I've got to say that he is thriving in school at the moment because we eventually put him into a private, Christian school where the teachers are absolutely lovely and really encourage him. He has developed interests in art/graphics/photography that he never had before and is starting to think that maybe he's not so thick after all (his words). Drastic I know, but I couldn't bear to see him finish school with crap results and zero self-esteem which was where he was headed. Are there any other school options for your daughter if things don't get sorted where she is?

Re. your DD2 - is she coming to the end of primary? I think by year 6 they have often outgrown it. Hopefully secondary school will be a fresh start for her (if you both survive that long )

Sounds like you have two bright, bored girls. Can't you put them in a school where they will be appreciated for what they are good at and not condemned for what they are not. I moved back to the USA when my ds was due to start school because I anticipated having problems like you are having. It's not that the schools here are that much better at dealing with a child who doesn't fit the form, but I (being American) am that much more equipped culturally to do battle on his behalf.
If your dd has trouble with her knees, surely there are a dozen alternative things she can do in PE that don't bother her condition, but still give her some exercise.

Anyway, lots of sympathy...it's not easy. I would recommend trying as hard as you can to encourage your dd's at the things they are good at and also encourage them to keep exploring new things in case they find new things they are good at. For example, despite being absolutely sure my ds had inherited my complete lack of musical talent, I still supported him when he asked for sax lessons (ended up switching to clarinet as he was too small). Turns out that although he can't sing a note to save his life, he is actually quite good at the clarinet and has a real feel for music and rhythm. AND loves to practice.

Halelulia. i'm not as neurotic as i thought. your positive comments mean so much, especially after geting them both to school this morning was such hard work. Thankyou - really.
I am seriously considering cutting my hours in work so i have a bit more time at home to do other stuff with them. will have to look at the old finances though. i never thought i would say it - being a good socialist - but am quite sorry i can't afford to send them somewhere private.
They both do music lessons and DD1 does ballet. D2 has dropped out of lots of things i think because this whole school year has been so crap for her. it will take a lot of encouragement and trial and error to find something else she really enjoys.

Although I am a true believer in being a working mother, I have chosen to only work 3/4 time so that I can give my kids the extra attention they need and are not getting from school. Mine are in public (state) school and from what I understand it's no different in private school...just more expensive. If you have a child who needs something different, you generally will ahve to provide it yourself.
Good luck.
Also, you might want to look into alternative types of teachers and lessons for the extra curricular things your dd's do. My experience in England was that most activities (particularly music and dance) were very goal and performance driven and that not every child responds well to this method or pressure. For example, look on gumtree or go to your local music college to find someone alternative to do music lessons. Maybe someone who teaches jazz or pop music instead of classical.

DD2 does sound bored, needs streching, things may well get much better for her at secondary. Dyslexia is difficult, but SENCO has a legal responsability to provide support. Apparently 40% of uk millionaires are dyslexic! Can been seen as a positive, dyslexics seem to be good verbally and creative, jamie oliver and richard branson both had a really tough time at school.

Implications of the Human Rights Act (2000) and the SEN and Disability Act (SENDA - 2001) are that schools and teachers have a duty to ensure that children receive education appropriate to their needs, irrespective of the nature and extent of those needs. Just been quoting a House of Lords ruling on it.
Secondary dyslexia provision is appalling - ds would have received nothing at some local schools because there are others with greater difficulties than him, with or without SpLDs. It's not fair and not right and the school needs to do something about it. It was a point raised by me in my (successful) appeal for ds last week.
DD1 was bored silly by the end of primary. I really feel for you - it's horrible to have a constant battle. It feels like a day's work by 8.30. Hopefully your dd2 will be more challenged at secondary school.

unfortunately DD2 is in year 5 and has another year of primary left. I am counting the weeks until the end of term. I sincerely hope next year she gets on btter.
she got sent out of te class again today for talking.
my child is the naughty disruptive one you all hate.

When was th elast time you read a newspaper report saying something positive about the NHS, a local authority, the current government. Maybe you should try reading the TES, aviatrix

I don't know but I do read some posisitve articles about schools in teh TES

Unfortunatly good and bad teachers in all schools, most of us are doing our absolute best though, definitly more good than bad. I would talk to DD2's teacher in Sept, fresh start all that, try to find the problem, does she understand all the work? is it too easy? What is she good at? What does she respond to? When I was at school a fab teacher put me in competition with another girl, who can do this maths first kinda thing. Incentivising good behaviuor might also be an idea??? hth