School referring 15 year old to pru for behaviour

[user1471497170]

Hi, does anyone have any experience or advice around this. I have a 15 year old daughter. She managed well in primary but began to struggle in secondary, initially with making friends and behaviour. She recently been referred for an autism assessment. She is in year 10.

Behaviours have been escalating for the last few years - defiance, demand avoidance and making unreasonable demands. She is disrupting the class and has had teachers in tears due to her behaviour. School has been saying for 6 months they are considering an inclusion support referral as cannot cope. I have to spend ages coaxing her to go in the morning and then will be called by her demanding I pick her up and threatening that she will get herself suspended if not.

Yesterday it came to a head - She has been suspended for 3 days due to defiant behaviour, they are referring.to iss and they suspect a pru until the end of secondary. Despite all the warnings she's had she is devastated as despite the anxiety around school she enjoys some aspects of school and learning and now has lots of friends. I have worked tirelessly in trying to support her to understand the expectations of the school, have attended frequent meetings and am frequently called put of work to take calls from the school.

I have been up all night worrying about this.i have said to her she just needs to get the basic GCSEs so she can get to college it doesn't matter where and maybe the pru will be ok. However she said she will just give up and will not attend pru. She has aspirations for attending college and a vocational role with the nhs.

Behaviour at home is currently OK. This hasn't always been the case.

She is on meds from camhs for anxiety and sees a therapist. Can anyone advise or share experiences.

Has anyone mentioned assessments/EHCP?

My company works very closely with our local pru and from our experience they are absolutely wonderful places. I know they’re not all of the same standard but if you have a good one they can be life changing for the young people that they work with.

dont be scared of the PRU, it’s not a prison, it’s an educational environment tailor made to support kids with needs like hers. (I have done some work in them)

she’s clearly not settled and thriving at her current school, it’s not the right environment for her. Imagine how nice it will be for both of you when you don’t have to fight to make her go there anymore. She can still see her friends.

the PRU’s I visited had classes of 5 or 6 kids with 1 or 2 teachers. Those teachers are trained, experienced and passionate about brining the best out of struggling kids. The environment is much more informal with many more allowances made for their needs, but qualifications are still achieved.

can you go and visit the PRU and see what it’s like?

DS2 ended up at a PRU at 14 (reason I joined Mumsnet!). I agree with @CurlsLDN although I initially resisted, it was a much better environment for him. He was also a very defiant child (ASD & ADD) though not fully understood until recently (at his CAMHS referral they told him to try and be nicer to his parents!!).

Thankyou for your reassuring responses. She saw the Educational psychologist 4 weeks ago. The school have not suggested an EHCP but maybe I need to self refer. They have done some screening tests in school and have said she has some possible difficulties processing. She has not triggered for adhd or dyslexia. Camhs have referred her for autism assessment. She does not have the typical traits for autism and some members of the extended are in disbelief about this which has not been helpful as it is obvious there is some reason she is struggling so much with school.

It is not a done deal that she will go to the pru. It depends what the iss recommend and whether there will be a place there for her there. It is unlikely a move to another school will help at this stage. She is very averse to change and I am worried about the effect this will have on her mental health.

Can anyone advise what/whether there is anything I should be doing? It feels like a lot of uncertainty hanging over us at the moment.

We have to go into school next week for a reintegration meeting and then will be waiting for some news I guess.

I worked in a PRU (admin role), by far the best job I've ever had. The staff were amazing and the children wonderful. I used to have a school lunch everyday just to spend 30 mins in their company. They were funny and interesting in a way mainstream school children aren't, despite many of them having desperately sad stories ( and challenging behaviour).

Our PRU was also brilliant at supporting the transition to post 16, with a dedicated staff member who helped them all find places, attended interviews with them if necessary and kept in touch through the first term for any support needed to make the places "stick".

Hmm I went to a PRU at 14/15. It’s full of the naughty kids or kids who can’t hack regular school so was extremely disruptive. I don’t learn much as classes were always disrupted. However I still got ok GCSE’s and went on to do a good apprenticeship after. I did appeal the suspension but the school refused. I still missed the friends I had from secondary school and I’m in my 20s now.

I’d advise she begs the school, writes apology letters or whatever it takes to get back into the school.

Honestly, it might be a wonderful opportunity for her. The kids we sent to the PRU were frankly a nightmare in school but our department members used to have to go and teach them there and they were sooooo much better.

This sounds 100% like my 14 year old, aside from I struggle to get her in, she’s currently on a part time time table and she still struggles, and then when she’s in we get this behaviour you have talked about or locking herself in the toilets etc. She struggles to process things and see things logically and school think she has PDA. We are waiting for a right to choose assessment for ASD and ADHD. It’s a constant battle, so I understand although they haven’t mentioned PRU, but I hear good things about the one near us.

I fought to get my dd into a pru. It was so much better for her than school

She manages well in most of the core subjects and wants to learn. Her behaviour escalates in the subjects that are less structured and unstructured time. She becomes dysregulated and her behaviour is awful and impossible for the school to manage, disrupting entire classes. She wants to get GCSEs and is capable. Can anyone tell me whether she would have a reasonable chance of achieving this in the pru?

Just a message of reassurance - I was a mirror of your daughter during secondary school and made it to year ten before being sent to PRU following permanent exclusion. I found out at 23 I had severe, undiagnosed ADHD and this was where my struggles originated. It wasn’t picked up on because I was an adopted child who had simply been deemed “damaged”. My life would have been so much different if I was listened to.
I am now nearly 30. I never got a single GCSE. I went to college and faced the same struggles and dropped out and wasted a few years doing not a lot. I’m just completing my first year of my undergraduate degree at my dream university. It was not easy to make that happen and to achieve everything necessary at this age - but it is possible. I have a wonderful partner, a beautiful home, a dog, a horse, a perfect three year old daughter. I’m medicated and I can manage my emotions and my brain because I now understand myself. Although I desperately hope it’s not as difficult for your daughter as it was for me, Please don’t let her believe that this is the end of her life. I’m living proof!

What an amazing achievement and I’m so glad things turned out well.

Also I’m sure the OP is grateful for you sharing your story.

I work on SEND ed and ten changes we can make to YP lives when we seek to understand and support is underestimated.

OP - find a PRU that has an educational basis that will suit your DD. Probably one for pupils with MH difficulties. Somewhere therapeutic that she can open up, have good small group teaching and thrive. This constant feeling of being overwhelmed she’s experiencing is damaging and PRUs aren’t a punishment they are meant to be a chance for support and a better future.

just wanted to add that I was very similar to your DD and was excluded from two schools and sent to a PRU. I didn’t attend - so no GCSEs, but got a job at 16, went on to do an NVQ, spent 15 years as a journalist at national level then got into uni just by writing a very good application letter and got a first! (Later discovered I’m autistic and demand avoidant). Whatever happens it won’t be the end of the world although it might feel like it at the time.

I think so. The PRU I worked with moved heaven and earth to make sure those capable of getting some academic qualifications got them and it will be easier for them to do that in the core subjects than the more niche ones. She'll get small group teaching and support to make sure she does what she needs to do.

I ended up in a PRU and it absolutely changed my life! I could focus more, I enjoyed the smaller classes and the days out learning really helped me. I also passed my gcses at grade b and cs! it's not all bad!

Thankyou and the above posters for yiur personal messages. You all sound amazing to have done so well despite those early challenges. I have also been through similar challenges with my eldest who has impulsive ADHD and autism. Secondary school was a constant nightmare as the environment too stimulating, with disruptive behaviour, constant calls from the school and threats of exclusion. With adjustments and medication she managed to turn things round in year 11 and is doing better than we expected in college. I am really grateful for the way shes turned round but it feels like I have been dealing with this for years. It is exhausting with constant worry and anticipation of the next call from the school.

I think this will be my daughter in September when she moves up! bidding my time to see how she settles in!

Don't fear PRU - they are specialist SEN schools/colleges & are often fantastic for children who are struggling in the way your DD is.

One of mine was in a PRU & then moved to an EOTAS placement - it was honestly the best thing to happen. The setting was a world away from the large academy secondary they'd hated.