Teachers - what do you want parents to know but can’t say to them about their kids?

[TooBusyGazingAtStarss]

Saw a post elsewhere on social media asking this but am interested in what UK teachers really want parents to know but cannot say to them - for example, wash their coat. The teacher see’s them wiping snot on it all day.

Might help some give some parents some tips as well :)

Well done … so many kids are very polite and have decent manners despite the media portraying kids/schools as being anarchy

That’s lovely to read and is my (limited experience). Such vilification of teens and I think it’s natural that negative experiences are more likely to be written/spoken about than positive.

Stop solving all your kids problems for them and teach them how to think for themselves. More and more often I see children who are just lazy, the moment they have to actually figure something out they ask for help. I hear "I don't get it" every 5 minutes and most of the time they have not even read the question, let alone tried to figure it out.

Children are now so used to a quick fix because that's how they deal with every other part of their life. I know technology, the internet, AI, is partly to blame but also parents constantly fixing things for their kids or finding them a shortcut is definitely a contributing factor. Invariably, if they can't do something it is then the teacher's fault (I hear this from both kids and parents)

Similar to the post above. If you want to teach them anything, teach them resilience. There is such a gap between kids who have it and kids who don’t.

Teach them that feeling a bit uncomfortable or nervous is perfectly natural and a part of life. They can't always expect to duck out of things they don't like- teach them to be resilient.

Being with your children is a privilege and a joy. It’s the reason I do the job.

Please listen to them read at least 3 times a week and insist on good manners!

This is so true.

@mangobananasmooothie Do you mind me asking what age group you teach?
My eldest (soon to leave school) has always tried to work out stuff they haven’t understood.
During parents evening they were told to ask/email the teacher “work smarter, not harder” if they didn’t understand
My DC has always been reluctant & felt they were bothering a teacher if they needed help, so much so, in the rarely that they did contact a teacher via email their starting sentence would be “I’m so sorry to bother you but….”.
When I went to school there was no emailing etc so DC would never expect a reply out of hours.
I get it must be frustrating if not trying, I guess your post maybe came across as a little bit angry (sorry if I have misinterpreted this). I’ve since tried asking DC to approach the teacher more, particularly coming up to exams. I now don’t know if the teacher was just saying this given your opinion, hence the question:)

I’m a SEN teacher so mine is slightly different

• I love teaching your children, yes it’s difficult but it’s also amazing at times and a great privilege.
• we are in this together, I understand how hard you have it, I’m exhausted at 3pm, I have other adults to help me, I cannot begin to imagine some of your lives, years of no sleep and your fears for the future, let us help where we can
• your child is a child with autism but still a child, still treat them as a child, set boundaries appropriate for them.
• give them independence skills, focus on what they can do, not what they can’t, I know it’s difficult, don’t do everything for them.

Stop asking your child on a daily basis if they are being bullied.
Stop talking to me in front of your child about their ‘anxiety’.
Put your phone away when you pick your child up at home time and give them a hug!
Telling your child to ‘hit back if someone hits them’ is never a good idea - I’ve seen too many children purposely winding another child up to get a reaction and then give them a good kicking - ‘because my dad tells me to hit back’.
Bragging about how much you’ve spent on Christmas presents isn’t the great parenting job you think it is.
Not every child who struggles to read is dyslexic, not every child who is obsessed with cars or dinosaurs has ASD, it’s ok not to be top of the class.
Your child is NOT a ‘little shit / little bitch / thug / nightmare’ so don’t call them that in front of them.

That your children are not the first children to ever exist, nor are they more important than any other child. Parents are too 'in their own heads' to realise how special their children are for genuine reasons, not just because they're their child.

And that mainly, we're on the same team. I also want your child to thrive, and be happy.

You're overthinking it, and your DC needs to be encouraged to ask for help. If the teacher has instructed that their students ask for help, why is your child hesistant? This is really concerning, it's just an email. Teachers get countless emails every day, don't overthink it.

How do you teach that? Genuine question. I'm actually a teacher but really struggling with my unresilient 4 year old!

Don't let your child watch YouTube unsupervised!!!
Or preferably, not at all.

Older children/teens:
Age restrictions exist for a reason!!!

Teach them how to tie their shoe laces or in the meanwhile, send them in with velcro fastenings.

Make sure they can take a jumper off, put a coat on and zip it up by themselves.

Please label everything including water bottles!

Remind them that manners are free and go a long way!

Teach them to sit still on a chair or cross legged on the floor for a period of time (not just 5 minutes).

Practice listening skills, taking it in turn to speak and not expecting immediate attention from an adult if they are already dealing with something else. Patience is a virtue afterall 😉

Probably more things but that's enough for now.

I don’t think you can teach resilience. It develops through experiences. Going for walks even when the kids are moaning. Going for a longer walk the next time. Getting the kids to do things at home they don’t want to, for example pulling their bed over each morning. Riding bikes, swimming and being bored.

I find a lot of parents just never want their child to feel any pain or discomfort and it’s not good for a human to live like that. I think we have to ride out the moaning and get on with it.

I teach secondary. I’m not angry, just increasingly frustrated with kids who are not prepared to think for themselves at all. After they say “I don’t get it” I ask them to read the question to me, then ask them about the question, “what does this tell you?” “What could you try next?” Nine times out of ten they get the answer correct, they just can’t be bothered to have to do it on their own. My job is to facilitate learning not to spoon feed.

I love that your child likes to figure things out themselves, that is a great habit to get into and should be encouraged. The best learning they will experience is this “being in the pit” where they overcome obstacles and problem solve on their own. However, there are times when asking for help is smarter. We don’t want kids to be spending 3 hours doing a half hour homework. I’m not sure I agree with emailing teacher for things like homework though. It’s not like we are a doctor on call. I do, however, encourage my GCSE and A level students during Easter break whilst they are revising to email me if they need help (hardly any of them ever do).

I find a lot of parents just never want their child to feel any pain or discomfort and it’s not good for a human to live like that

This is key. Ds used to moan when we walked a 20 minute walk locally but would walk 10 miles in Disney World without a peep. When he moaned I told him it wouldn't change anything, yes he has already told us he doesn't want to do it and we are still doing it. I also told him I don't want to do laundry and yet it has to be done and I don't constantly complain out loud. Show them adults don't like doing stuff either.

Building resilience is important, you can't always be first, you can't always be the smartest or fastest and win every game. Therefore when I lose a game I demonstrate being a good sport about it, when I win I am happy but not lording it over anyone. FIL wanted a print out of scores when we went bowling, Ds1 was 3 and used one of those rolling ball helper things, hardly a fair competition.

Put your phone away, they are only with you in an evening for a short amount of time, be present because when you are in it it feels relentless and you come out the other side, they are suddenly mid teens and you realise you can never get that time back.

Please help your child learn their times tables (said this to the same child as I followed the year group from yr2 into yr3 into yr4) help them learn their spellings and listen to them read, also read to them. They will have to read all the way through primary and into secondary, pull out information, form it into an essay an argue a particular way. Talk about the plot, the characters, why Joe is sad, why Mary is mean.

A child is also more likely to be sad and not depressed, they are worried and not anxious. It is okay to be okay, you don't need to be happy. Contentment is key.

And finally, please do not say you hated maths or school in general in front of your child. We are trying to help them learn maths.

Genuinely...

Get them and acting agent and put them in for professional musical theatre productions and film/TV .

Once they have spent weeks prepping audition pieces, 4 solid days doing recalls to get down to the last 5 out of over 1,000 kids... to then get told they weren't cast (and with no feedback) and have a new audition in a few days later, they really end up very resilient.

Repeat that multiple times in their childhood and they no longer see things as 'failure' but as a learning experience.

I've always felt rather sorry for the kids who only 'fail' for the first time when they don't get an Oxbridge offer.

All the serious PA kids I know are incredibly resilient and take not getting things they want in their stride and don't let it define them.

PA?

Performing Arts

You don't snowplough the roads of life for them. You allow them to experience disappointment, failure etc and move on from it.

That’s teaching them it. Teaching doesn’t just mean a lesson.

Yes - I am in full agreement with allowing them to experience failure and disappointment. And we talk about it. However, I've been trying that since forever, and my son is the compete opposite of resilient. So I'm asking about actively teaching resilience?

Haha - the first time failing with an Oxbridge offer was me. Everything just came so easily to me until then!

Funnily enough, my son does have an agent, although not had any jobs yet. He's only 4 though.