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5 and 7 year old changing schools, and I'm worried sick.

6 replies

Chloemy87 · 30/03/2025 08:39

I have 4 children 2 daughters at primary age year 1 and year 3 and 2 older ones.
They have all been to my local village school my eldest 2 got on really well there emotionally and academically. They did well and ended up going to grammar schools. Up until the youngest ones starting I loved the school have been involved in the school on the PTA and a big advocate.

The younger 2 however have not had such a positive experience my 7 year old is very, shy, introvert and sensitive she struggles socially and emotionally. She started school well and seemed to be happy as the years have gone on concerns began and she started feeling uohappy. She is now in Year 3 almost 8 years old. She was put on the additional needs register in year 1.
In Year 2 I started to question autism as she displays typically as a girl would masking at home and becoming explosive at home, sensory needs, social mirroring. She would get home and hude under a chair under a blanket for an hour. The schools stance on this is "she's fine at school so nothing we can do".

I am dyslexic and as she started to fall further behind I communicated with school she might also be dyslexic as she has so many traits, but nothing has been done as they do not believe she is old enough for any assessment or screening. She has been unhappy at school and asking to move.

My youngest one also struggled in reception she had only just turned 4 and she struggled to sit down,sit still, pay attention she was continually on the "red" of the traffic light behaviour management tool and was put "on report" . Year 1 she seems to be doing really well and is exceededing in everything.

I went to look in the primary of the school in the next village they do not do as well with academia but happineds is my priority, they seemed a lot more progressive with SEND they had breakout rooms, a sensory circut, a sensory box in every room, a mindfulness service they buy into that comes in every week, a school therapy dog, trainning in dyslexia, ADHD, autism.

They also have a full time SENCO as apposed to the current school where the senco assistant does all the work (never even met the named senco) alongside a TA job.

I have made the decision to change schools but this has not been easy for me. Thry start tomorrow.

The girls did a taster day last week my youngest loved it my 7 year old however struggled with it. Which was to be expected, she is saying she wants to stay at her current school she has some strong friendships specifically with one boy she is really attached to and she us sad she wont see them. I don't think she quite realises she's not going back to her old school as she was sat doing the homework yesterday.

The last day on Friday was devastating for her, children crying and upset she's been very unregulated this weekend and we've tried to support her. She's now begging me to go back to her old school Monday and not start the new school it's really breaking my heart.

There are 2 loud boys in her new class and she is sensitive to noise so she's dreading this as she feels they were "screaming at her" I also don't know who her teacher will be because it became apparent on her taster day that it is being filled by agency so she has not consistency with that.

I just want my 7 year old to be happy, but I am now worried was this the right thing?

OP posts:
BunsenBurnerBaby · 30/03/2025 08:45

I moved my kids in Y2 and Y4 from local village school to bigger school close by because village school were not … what my kids needed. They are now Y11 and Y13 and I also moved them in secondary (this time at their request). My view: no way of knowing if you are doing “the perfect thing” and all schools have pluses and minuses and you need to do what feels right for your child at any given time. Give your kids a while to settle. You can always move them again if it feels right. Good luck. You are doing the best you can.

Chloemy87 · 30/03/2025 08:55

BunsenBurnerBaby · 30/03/2025 08:45

I moved my kids in Y2 and Y4 from local village school to bigger school close by because village school were not … what my kids needed. They are now Y11 and Y13 and I also moved them in secondary (this time at their request). My view: no way of knowing if you are doing “the perfect thing” and all schools have pluses and minuses and you need to do what feels right for your child at any given time. Give your kids a while to settle. You can always move them again if it feels right. Good luck. You are doing the best you can.

You are right I know it is the right decision I just have to get through the next few weeks. I think you have to trust your instinct sometimes as a parent and if you never try you never know.

OP posts:
Barbadosgirl · 30/03/2025 08:56

This is so hard but, OP, if your eldest of the two has possible ASD then the second school sounds like it will be much better geared for her needs. She is going to struggle with transition and may be unhappy at the start but as someone with a nephew with ASD who has had a bit of a disastrous primary school experience I know my brother and sister in law would have bitten the hand off of a school that offers this and really wished they had done a primary move in retrospect.

As another poster has said it is difficult to know what will be the perfect or correct decision and there might not be one but on paper from what you have said the decision seems like the right one. Give it time.

Chloemy87 · 30/03/2025 09:08

@Barbadosgirl when I have wrote it down and taken my own emotions and attachment to the school of it. It's seems ridiculous that I am even questioning this decision because it's a no-brainer, to be honest.

I think I'm upset because I wanted them to go to the village school leave in year 6 with all the friends they made in nursery and now that won't happen. But life is never perfect things change.

The last few years has been so challaging for her and I cant forget that obviously there's more than what I have posted and since word has got around other parents have approached me to say they are unhappy too. So I think I just have to feel lucky they have this opportunity.

OP posts:
Bramshott · 30/03/2025 09:30

Good luck to your DDs tomorrow! Remember that's nothing's locked in forever, and if it doesn't work out you can look at moving back. One of my DD's friends at primary did this - moved with a sibling and then came back later (the sibling stayed at the other school).

Barbadosgirl · 30/03/2025 09:32

Chloemy87 · 30/03/2025 09:08

@Barbadosgirl when I have wrote it down and taken my own emotions and attachment to the school of it. It's seems ridiculous that I am even questioning this decision because it's a no-brainer, to be honest.

I think I'm upset because I wanted them to go to the village school leave in year 6 with all the friends they made in nursery and now that won't happen. But life is never perfect things change.

The last few years has been so challaging for her and I cant forget that obviously there's more than what I have posted and since word has got around other parents have approached me to say they are unhappy too. So I think I just have to feel lucky they have this opportunity.

If you didn’t question yourself and take stock then you would not be the very committed and caring mother you clearly are. Good luck and I suspect this will be the right decision even if it feels really hard now.

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