For those of you who sent your children to prep school - was it worth it?

[shambalm]

Or do you regret your decision?

I have three children. Eldest is at a pre-school attached to a local private primary school, and is signed up to start in reception in September. We have also applied to local state schools, but obviously won't find out if/what we are allocated until next month.

Husband and I are feeling torn about what to do. The school has amazing facilities and my daughter loves it there at the moment, but I worry about quite a competitive tiger-parent vibe especially amongst parents of slightly older children.

My priority is that my children have a happy and grounded childhood, though it would also be nice for them to have the chance to participate in all the sports and music that the prep school has to offer.

Obviously, private is a much more expensive option and, though it is affordable, we could happily save/spend the money elsewhere. I don't want to get to the end of primary school and regret our decision, so looking for reflections from anyone who has been through this already. Thanks!

Very well put.

The advantage of going to a local state is having local friends, which is key to DCs’ happiness and also saves commuting time. (Unless of course the private school happens to be round the corner). I think state schools have lots of clubs too, some are run by the teachers and are free and some are run by outside organisations. For example, our primary had choir, orchestra, chess, netball and football which were all free. Art and gymnastics were paid-for clubs. There were lots of others too.

My dds went to a London prep and we're happy with the decision. Financially it wasn't something that meant we needed to cut back in other areas or reduce the help we could give them as adults, so no regrets there. Our local state schools were good, and I'm sure they would have managed fine there academically as they are bright and supported. But the smaller classes, additional specialist teaching in arts and music, trips and sports opportunities made it a richer experience. We had local friends as it was a 5 min walk away. I wouldn't have wanted to ferry them around to multiple extracurriculars every week (we did it for 2 activities as the quality was far better, but it was more tiring and a hassle with siblings compared to after-school activities they did at school). The other families were nice and there were no major issues with behaviour.

The school prepped for 11+ for independent secondary schools - interviews as well as exams. It wasn't linked to any specific secondary. Both got their first choice. We didn't consider grammars as they were too far. We did pay for tutoring in year 5&6 as well, just to give them extra support and confidence. Not strictly necessary, but most families do.

I agree with @DoggerelBank — people who have invested hugely (often not just financially) in sending their children to private school are highly unlikely to stand back and admit it was a massive waste of cash and/or effort. In my experience (frequent moves meant DS has been at a range of different schools, state and private) is that there’s not much difference at all between the majority of them.

I have my son at a pre-school that is part of a private school and I’d like him to stay on there given how great they’ve been so far.

I can also speak from experience of going to a prep school growing up that sadly closed down and then I actually went to state for the last few years before I went back to private for secondary.

to be fair it was quite a unique prep school, traditional but it was also an equestrian centre and had lots of accompanying land such as woodland and a fishing lake. I remember the subjects all being taught individually which in stark contrast to state primary where you have one teacher and they teach all the subjects. I also have very distinct memories of den building in the woodland and identifying leaves etc. we were close to nature and the outdoors and that suited me down to the ground, but it was also formal when it came to subject teaching and I also benefited from that approach. We did proper sports whereas in state primary all I can remember is vaguely something to do with wearing plimsoles and chucking a bean bag around.

The only thing I’d say is that I was able to make more solid friendships in state because we all lived near eachother which wasn’t the case with the prep school. It also really highly depends on the state provision in your area. In my area state provision is inadequate.

I’m facing the same dilemma. My instincts are telling me that it is the better option, especially as we’ve found a school that we like. But it’s a considerable investment if we have to continue independent schooling into the senior years (starting at reception). My hope is that it will set DD up well for the 11+ so she can get into a grammar.

This sounds similar to my experience and approach to education. I sent DC to pre-prep not for the grades but to develop confidence, strive for excellence, the right attitudes to learning, ability to compete without being nasty and team playing skills. You can develop all these in other settings - sports teams etc, and in state school too, but I don't think any state school can actually afford focusing on this nowadays. They are too understaffed and overwhelmed with far too many pressing issues, and the most common approach is to try and lift those who are not coping which is great, but I thought I just couldn't afford wasting my child's time as they would have been left to their own devices being neither disruptive nor struggling academically or loud enough to ask for attention.

For parents, it may be difficult to counteract the school's influence when a child spends 6-8 hours of the most productive daytime at school. Synergy always delivers better results.

Sport is another huge factor to consider. State is not great on that usually, but being habitually sporty is very important in life-long perspective. It's not about high achievements but about health.

Prep is bound to be competitive and you will be in direct competition with other children (and parents!) for 11+ places, as you can already feel. I wasn't very keen on that either so DC just went to a through school, with only nominal tests for transition from prep to senior even though it is considered super selective.

Those were my considerations when I sent DC to prep and I think we've got our money's worth from it even though it wasn't an ideal match in our case (DC turned out very musical and the school could not provide that level if music, but these things evolve over years and are difficult to predict).

100% yes

Thank you. You’ve clearly articulated some of my own thoughts and concerns here, too!

I have always been in the ‘save your money camp’ if you have a good primary. However, I’m moving my 8 year old from an outstanding primary to a prep school next year and I wish I’d done it earlier.

It is clear to see some of the funding challenges in primaries now and the impact of our council rejecting ECHPs. The main reason I’m moving my child is poor behaviour in her class and the impact that is having. The school is also unable to stretch my child at the things she excels at or provide support for the things she finds harder. The other advantage will be specialist teachers and she’s at an age to start really benefiting from that. Music in particular is incomparable between private and our state and she’ll be able to do science in a proper lab with specialist teachers compared to her form teacher in the classroom.

We haven’t moved yet so I won’t know if I’ve made the right decision but there are differences at prep and state primary . I’m not moving my other child at this point but will be able to make a direct comparison and weigh up the finances. What I’ve realised though is experience can vary massively depending on cohort.

The answer to your question will depend on each family's circumstances. You have to ask yourself two questions, both of which only you can address:

1. How different are your realistic state and private options?
2. What do you have to give up if you pay £60,000/year in tuition?

Some people have straightforward access to state schools where the student base and parental expectations are very similar to a private school. Many do not.

Some people can pay private school tuition without having to trade off anything they really care about. Many can not.

Older child went to private in Y3 and younger in Y7

Older child had a MUCH MUCH better grounding and found secondary very easy. Younger was always playing catch up and hasn't done half as well.

If I had my time again I would do Prep followed by good state school

Personally, I think it’s less about being ‘worth it’ from an academic or outcomes based perspective and more about what it says to your child about education. A well funded education with quiet orderly classrooms, a surplus of staff, access to varied extracurricular and the children of other motivated parents teaches your child that they, and their learning, matter. An overcrowded, poorly funded school where some (not many but some) parents don’t value education so their children don’t respect staff, where there are a shortage of staff, where the building is not well maintained and there is not access to extra curricular can teach children, particularly quiet academic ones that education is not valued, that their curiosity and desire to learn is not important. I would choose prep to foster a love of learning in my children, as a poster said upthread they can have an idyllic experience which in my experience can be very difficult to achieve in state school.

It depends what you are looking for in a private school that differs from a state school.
In terms of prep, there has been twice the amount of sport than would be offered for state. However, much of it was NOT broad or balanced as would be the case with State. So in prep for four periods a week we would be offered football, football, football, football for half a term, alternating with one period of swimming once a fortnight. Then the same pattern with rugby, hockey, cricket and athletics. No gymnastics or dance at all, because competitive sports & weekly fixtures with other schools is all about PR & the reputation of the school and not at all about the individual.
Academically it was no different to State until Year 5 when it began to pull away, but there were specialist teachers for music & art. Lots of after-school co-curricular, some of it free and others that you have to pay for.
As a parent from State you would notice the differences, whereas many families will have gone to private for generations & have no idea.

Worth every single penny in our experience. They had a lovely time at school and were very happy there. Great facilities, large grounds with a proper forest etc. Lots of outdoor time. Sports and music were far better than the state options and our children found they had an ability for things they just wouldn’t have been exposed to in our state options. Behaviour tends to be better because (rightly or wrongly) they don’t need to put up with disruptive children. Another benefit is that they don’t have to do SATS. You only have to read many threads on here to see how much pressure the SATS system places on schools and children. Mine spent the last couple of terms of primary doing lovely things like trips, outdoor activities, extra science, music, art and languages etc, rather than being forced to sit in a classroom trying to make sure that the school got good SATS results.

One thing I would say though is that may independents are under huge pressure, with lots facing closure. I’d make sure you choose a school with a decent number of pupils and one which is pretty much full.

We sent DS1 to private prep and wouldn't do it again. We didn't like the competitive atmosphere and found that the school very much made favourites of particular children who increasingly got more and more opportunities. This really knocked his confidence, but he's flying now at state secondary. DS2 went to a lovely village primary and is much happier than DS1 was at prep, but he is also a very different child.

My DC1 and DC2 went all the way through in state schools and had a very positive experience, both academically and socially. DC1 is now at a high ranked uni and DC2 is in year 12 - they are happy and doing well, with nice friends and are well rounded (sports, music etc). I'm not sure what more they could have got from private school. DC3 had a trickier time at primary school, with some disruptive kids in his class, so we took him out and sent him to private school from year 3 to year 6. It was really good in that specific situation (to get him away from some horrible kids) and he did well there, but to be honest it wasn't really any better than the experience my other two had for free. He's now doing well at state secondary.

Now that DH and I are in our 50s it's great to be able to start thinking about retirement without being tied in to paying school fees. And we'll be able to help the kids out with house deposits etc with the money we've saved.

However, the massive disclaimer is that my DC are all bright and hard working, no SEN, and the local schools are very good. Otherwise, it would probably have been completely different.

I agree with you that prep schools sport tends to focus on the “main ball sports” ( plus x country) but I actually prefer that to a carousel of random sports which just act as taster sessions for kids taking the sport up outside school, assuming their parents can facilitate. Dc’s school offers stuff like fencing and dance as an ECA with an external provider but I’m happy for in school games to just use the facilities and teachers the school has.

I grew up in and still live in a Grammar school county. There are some preps which do end at Y6 and have a reputation as Grammar crammers rather than all bells and whistles prep achools. The children tend to move on to private or the grammar schools BUT there have been a few children who failed 11+,did not secure grammar school places and also failed to get places at the most sought after private day schools. Transferring to a comprehensive school has been very hard of one child of my acquaintance. They are used to a year group of about 40 with class size 20 and are now in an 8 class per year school. The parents admit the child is feeling so overwhelmed and the 7 years of prep have probably made it harder than for the other children who come from 3 or 4 form entry primary schools. Prep school isn't always worth it. Any prep school which guarantees your child will secure a Grammar school place is a liar.

Thanks all. So much food for thought here, which is very helpful. I’m still conflicted about what to do - hoping it will become clearer when we find out our state school allocation.

My eldest was in a state primary until middle of yr4, my youngest has been in a prep since reception.

definitely think the prep environment was worth it for my youngest as she is shy and also quite stubborn and risk averse (ND I suspect but supported enough to be developing the skills a she needs). she has been really nurtured to come out of herself and push herself out of her comfort zone and we can see the bright child she is instead of the stubborn nervous child she was at first. I suspect at the state her sister was at she would have been “lost” in the middle/lower and not really engaged, luckily she is flying now.

my eldest is naturally very bright and competitive and coped well with the big classes and set demands of her local state primary but really struggled socially until we moved her. She’s now also very happy and also able to focus on her special interest (music) with a lot more opportunities.

the VAT increase is killing us and my eldest will be get through yr 10/11 and go to the local grammar if I can get her there.

Youngest is more fragile emotionally and we will try to keep her private until yr 11 if we can as our local state secondaries are very big and not great reputations, I can’t see her coping.

for us it was worth it for the youngest to be in the position to make the choice - with the VAT if I were putting a child in reception now I would probs look at a very very small village primary and either do “state til 8” or possibly look at tutoring for the (very very competitive) local grammar.

I should add that the “state til eight” route isn’t really an option at this particular school. They’ve just had hundreds of children sit exams to try and get one of 20 places at 7+, so the chance of getting in at this stage is small and filled with the kind of competition and tutoring-of-little-children that puts me off the idea of prep in the first place! So I think they will need to either start from pre-school or not at all.

100%, it’s not just the academics or the 11+ prep, you’re buying the whole experience for the child who spends such long hours of the crucial childhood, exposing them to additional music, drama, sports, extracurricular opportunities, additional trips, workshops and enrichment activities. Nicer food, less disruptive class and somewhat better managed cohort. Communication to and from school much easier and seamless and school just preps you better for senior school - encouraged to be proactive, organised and vocal. Is it fully worth the cost? It maybe a little pricey for what it is, and you have to choose the right school for your child to make it worth it. Plus, if you are working parents it will make your life much much easier.

Are all 20 places at 7+ really open for all candidates? Or does the school have a sibling policy at 7+?

Using my dc with no nuances - no state education at all, co-ed private all the way through from nursery I would say the private school has benefitted them the best in extra curricular.
The amount and sheer breadth of sport, the organised drama shows and competitions, the music opportunities. Other things they haven't done as well also on offer.
Academically it has been very solid and reliable (to be cherished vs our experience of state). Followed a clear pattern and destination, really ramps up last 2 years as they get near 11 plus exams. Our dc has achieved potential even without us pushing.
Downside is some pushy/tiger families but equally we have made good friends with lots of families.
I think this dc has been given a solid foundation of good self esteem from their primary school experience.

Oh, and this prep has incredible food and as this dc has been there since nursery and is tall and strong I really feel like the kitchen staff have nourished them through primary school!