Would school tell you if they suspect ASD?

[Wellwouldthey]

Dh and I have suspected for a while now that DD has some form of ASD.

We raised this issue with nursery, and the staff told us that she seemed fine, no concerns with her or her behaviour.

We suspect that she masks heavily in educational settings so the teachers possibly don't see the behaviour and traits as much as we do.

It doesn't seem to be causing her too many problems so I don't think a diagnosis would be appropriate or necessary just now however, we are worried about her getting older as I've read that this is when lots of girls begin to struggle in educational settings.

Dd is in p1 and her teacher has never mentioned any problems but there are some actions that are pretty obviously ASD traits, and we know these do happen in school.

Are teachers allowed to tell us they suspect ASD? Or would this be something they can't raise as an issue (unless it's blatantly obvious) and we would need to approach the school as the first step.

Can anyone advise?

Very young children do not mask. They have not yet learned the differences in expected behaviours in different settings so they therefore don’t put on a pretence when met with something they don’t like. Masking in the strictest sense usually develops when a child is about 6 or so, and then only in more socially aware children. Some people with ASD never mask.
If you are concerned, you can ask your GP or the school SENCo for a speech and language referral. A teacher should not be telling a parent they suspect any condition that requires a diagnosis by an expert, but they may well tell a parent ‘little Lucy struggles to play with other children’.

No, a teacher won't say. I've been on both sides of this as a teacher and as a parent.
As a teacher, we might point out things that a child struggles with without saying "because of xyz we think Timmy has ADHD/autism/etc"
As a parent, I've approached school and straight up said "me and his dad think Timmy could be autistic because of xyz, do you see any traits at school?" School were then happy to discuss the issues that were affecting him at home and at school.

I'm an Assistant Headteacher in a primary school and Head of KS1 (currently on mat leave). As the previous posters have mentioned, young children are generally not able to mask as they haven't developed an awareness of social cues or the differences between themselves and others yet, however I have known of two children with a confirmed ASD diagnosis who have been very socially aware and have started to show an ability to mask, even at an early age. It is definitely true that some children behave differently at school and at home- we get this a lot, especially at Parents' Evenings! On the other hand, as you will know, children develop at different rates, especially in the early years, so you do see vast differences in behaviours across a cohort and within families- this does make some parents worry about their child's development. Having said that, it is also worth noting that ASD does look very different with boys and girls and generally boys are diagnosed earlier as their traits are often the more obvious ones that come to mind and are generally easier to spot.
I would like to think that if the school had any concerns, they would be addressing them. As there is a national shortage of special school spaces, a vast majority of schools are trying to support children with varying levels of need and, as a result, have increased their training to cater for this. I have had several teachers in my phase raise concerns about children, particularly around ASD, and we have always shared our concerns with parents.
If we had concerns, we would have a gentle conversation with the parents to see whether they are seeing similar traits at home. We wouldn't outright say that we believe a child has X but we would say that we think they are struggling with communication & language, social awareness etc. We would ask them if they consent to their child being observed by the SENCo as a starting point. Do mind sharing what exactly it is that makes you suspect your DD has ASD? That way we might be able to give you more relevant information and/or reassurance.

I forgot to say that we are always open to discussions with parents and I would recommend asking to speak to the class teacher, SENCo and/or phase lead.

It's also worth noting that most people, at times, display "traits" that would fall under criteria of ASD. That doesn't mean they have ASD though. Those traits have to be pervasive enough, and impair one or more areas of functioning before they would meet threshold for a diagnosis.

So as an example, stimming on its own doesn't mean someone is autistic.

When dd was assessed we were conversationally told that girls tend to get flagged for assessment either right after starting school if they have really obvious ASD presentation or towards the end of primary when social development differences become more of an issue.

our dd probably would not have been diagnosed until the end of primary if we hadn’t pushed. There were some difficulties flagged from nursery, though never specifically flagged as ASD - more along the lines of ‘we notice dd has trouble with transitions’ or ‘dd becomes quite upset in these situations’. She wasn’t massively disruptive in class though, and with a bit of SaLT support was doing pretty well. The SaLT was the first person to ask about possible neurodiversity in the most roundabout / tiptoeing round the subject way possible.

i actually pushed for diagnosis in y2 despite her doing well because I heard so many stories of girls getting to end of primary and having massive issues. Given wait times for ASD assessment can be 2-3 years in some areas, I wouldn’t wait unless you can afford a private assessment. Despite her doing mostly well, having a diagnosis has helped when the odd issue emerges - it means we can discuss behavioural issues with nd context in mind. It also means we have been able to explain her nd to dd in a more neutral way and build a balanced view of it as a source of special skills as well as special challenges. She’s been able to talk openly with classmates about what it means to be autistic, and takes pride in having a special brain.

OP I'm currently doing a parenting course about understanding asd run by the service team that look after my son (who has asd). This course is the first time that the majority of parents are the parents of girls and all of the girls were diagnosed later. So they were diagnosed mid way or at the end of primary school so from age eight onwards with some diagnosed at secondary school age. The common denominator was parents always having an inkling that there was an issue and it often being brushed off.

I was told by my DS teacher they can't bring it up because some parents don't like it

However they love it when we bring it up as parents so they can look into it and put special things in place

My DS state school were brilliant and put everything he needed in place for him without any EHCP or visit to Cahms which is a long long waiting list with DC in dreadful circumstances going quite rightly to the top of the list. If your DC live in a safe loving home Cahms know they're relatively safe.

It wasn't apparent till he started secondary school but he was high functioning but got amazing support and for that I'm very grateful to his form tutor and another teacher

Bollocks. Both my DTs had ASD and ADHD concerns raised for the first time by their classroom teacher, one in year one and the other in reception.

@bluesky45 Thank you this is very helpful. Dc doesn't seem to struggle so I don't think they would really have any issues to raise with us at the moment.

There is quite a few children in the class that has asd and similar, as well as others with behavioural issues. I suspect that the teacher has her hands full with the more challenging children and other DC's are potentially overlooked as they are not as 'severe'.

@DingleB Thank you. Yes of course. Dc has always has issues with sleep from when she was born. Still doesn't sleep very well to this day. Delayed speech, only speaking a few words at 3, then at 4 she suddenly developed full vocabulary and sentences over night.

Dd has always stimmed. Mostly mild hand flapping and flicking fingers (we initially assumed she was copying a friend) however it has never stopped. Also chewing hands and clothes constantly and it seems she word stimms too (if that's even a thing) it's a constant stream of jibber and nonsense and she can't control or stop the outbursts no matter how much we ask. It's almost like a nervous tick. She talks CONSTANTLY.

She has a strong sense of fairness and justice and is very strict with following rules, taddles on anyone that deviates.

She has to be in control of everything and every situation she gets very emotional when others don't follow the plan in her head. Every game has to be played how she wants or she gets very upset.

She has a strong aversion to certain smells and she will gag and vomit if she finds them overpowering. Toothpaste and brushing her teeth is her worst battle. The same with some foods. She has 'safe' foods that she will eat constantly and others that will make her gag with the smell or texture.

She is absolutely obsessed with soft toys. It's all she talks about and thinks about and her bed is so full of them that she can barely fit herself in. She walks down aisles in the shop and just stands there hugging feeling all the plushy toys for ages.

She can not concentrate on more than one task or instruction at a time. If I tell her, "go and brush your teeth then get your shoes on" she will come back in 5 minutes asking me what she was supposed to do again. She can't concentrate very well and I need to stand over her repeatedly reminding her what she should be doing as she's so easily distracted.

She finds her emotions very difficult to manage and easily gets overwhelmed trying to regulate herself. I have noticed that her behaviour is much better when in school and with friends/relatives so I think she holds it all in until she's home in her safe place.

There's probably much more that I can't think of at the moment however, this should give you a good picture of what she is like.

Oh, I've thought of another. She definitely has some strong attachment issues. She is very very attached to me and follows me around constantly wanting to be held and hugged. Always wants to sleep in beside me and would probably throw DH under a bus to get to me. (He's a great Dad btw).

She seems to have really latched on to her teacher this year. She is a really good teacher (patience of a saint) and DD absolutely adores her. She will talk about her constantly and recap the day to us all evening, over and over again. She always wants to make little pictures and bracelets to give her and goes into an utter emotional panic with the thought of moving up a class at the end of the year and leaving her behind.

This was the experience we had, his teacher was very glad when we brought it up as she didn't want to due to how some parents react

My 7 year old’s teacher did raise with me that he had traits that they thought could be indicative of ASD. Quite out of the blue at parents’ evening.

We have agreed to watch and slowly start the process of referral for assessment. If he is, it is very mild at the moment, but we want to be prepared should this change as he and his peers grow up. Especially when he hits high school.

No, in my experience school won't tell you. But they will happily discuss your concerns and if they see any evidence of ASC will support an application to be assessed. I totally would get the wheels in motion for her to be assessed purely because the waiting lists are so long.

Thanks for this. It seems to be the case for most people on here.

I wasn't sure if they would have raised it or not by now, or if they aren't supposed to for this exact reason.

Dd doesn't seem to have any struggles in school (that I'm aware of) but if she does have some form of asd, it might be something we have do address in the future.

I just didn't want to raise these issues and the school doesn't agree as they currently have no problems with her.

I have said we have seen some traits of adhd or autism and said we could explore this further, it’s different to saying I’m diagnosing your child. So yes I would if it is something that would be worth looking into more, but I will have had conversations before this point.

As a mother 90% of what you describe are my dd and I have suspected she has ASD since around 2 years old. At some stages I worried about what it would mean starting school etc but she is now in P5 and each year we are seeing great improvements for her. She still has her issues but at the moment I don’t feel a diagnosis would be of benefit to her, should we start to see issues arising socially or in school then we absolutely will push for an assessment.
As a teacher I have in the past raised concerns regarding a child’s behaviour and asked ‘is this something you notice at home’ sometimes that is enough to gauge where the parent is at with something. In my previous school we were encouraged to be up front and honest regarding things like this.
I am now an ASN teacher so it’s very different as obviously they come to us with a diagnosis but again any new concerns would be addressed with the parents. I’ve never known a school to keep things back or not say. It’s something that would be approached as mentioned above and then if required the parents would be gently led into it with support from the school.

The is a very clear and comprehensive list of her traits that would suggest an ASD diagnosis OP. But I'd say if she's bright and no trouble at school then the chances are she'll fly under the radar. DS was the same and was diagnosed around secondary school age, I had no idea before then but afterwards a lot of things made sense.

It's so sad to me that people don't feel the need to get a diagnosis and will wait until the wheels start to fall off before they do anything. It can then take years to get a diagnosis. A diagnosis is always a benefit to a child in my experience because it helps them understand themselves and helps others understand them. It can also sometimes be quite hard to accept a diagnosis of ASD when you are a teen - or even be prepared to get assessed.

We've just got a diagnosis for our DD who is 5 (nearly 6). Like you, I suspect she would have gone under the radar. We only got seen by the paediatrician (who recommended an ADOS) because a Speech & language therapist agreed with us that her speech was a bit rigid aged two. She has no problems at school and is doing very well but I'm very pleased we have a diagnosis early in case we need it in future.

It's not that we don't feel the need to get her a diagnosis. It's that she doesn't have any (known) issues in school that would lead us to seek one.

We are just basing this on what we've experienced with her however, a lot of her 'issues' could be considered normal childhood development.

I think if it gets to the stage that she is struggling or unable to cope, we will absolutely push for a diagnosis.

As it stands she is thriving and happy. This is why I'm curious to know if a school would raise the issues with us, or if that's something they aren't supposed to do, so we would have to bring it to them.

In my experience no and very young children absolutely do learn to mask.

@Wellwouldthey thank you for sharing. I agree that the behaviours you are describing do seem to suggest ASD and I would definitely speak to the school about your concerns. As mentioned, it can take a couple of years to get a diagnosis as there are long waiting lists and your DD may need to be seen by different professionals. It is therefore quite risky to wait and see whether her potential ASD becomes problematic for her before seeking a diagnosis. From experience, many girls with ASD develop anxious behaviours as they move through primary school which can cause all sorts of struggles. It is much easier to put suitable support in place if a child already has a diagnosis. With a diagnosis, the school will receive additional funding which has to be used to support your DD e.g. for resources to help her to minimise her stimming or aid her concentration. If the school aren't willing to support you, I would go through your GP. Either way, you have nothing to lose and you will at least know one way or another whether your DD does have ASD and be able to put things is place to support her based on the outcome.