Sending children to primary school 10 miles away? Is it selfish?

[Zalape]

We live on the outskirts of a city. There’s a good primary school here about 2 miles away, but it’s the wrong way for our work. Due to traffic it would add about 20 mins onto our journey to work in the mornings. Our children are 1 & 2.

There’s another primary school we like the look of that’s in a small village about 10 miles away. We could drop our kids off on the way to work with no detour, so our commute would be the same.

The vibe of the village is very different to ours as it’s an ex-mill town and sadly quite deprived. Nevertheless the school gets quite good scores.

Would you do it? We worry a bit about the kids not having local friends or maybe even being bullied for not fitting in. I was born in the village and my old school friends tell me where we live is dead posh… (it’s not!!)

You need to look at the admissions criteria very carefully to gauge your chances of getting in

surely you can’t guarantee being in the same workplace for the next few years?

I’d discount it and look at schools much closer to home with decent wraparound provision. we live within easy walking distance of school and mine (older primary) walk themselves now. And walk themselves to friends houses etc. Everyone ferries around younger children but once they get to 8-9 you really want them to be able to get some independence

if the schools near where you live aren’t good enough, then I’d consider moving

Just to warn you OP that I find MN very anti small rural schools. I teach in one and think the children there get a fabulous deal. Around here yes you would get a space at 10 miles away and no we are not at any risk of closure. This is very often mentioned on MN but I am only aware of one school of dozens of small schools in the county that has closed in the last decade. Our finances are absolutely fine for as far ahead as one can reasonably forecast.

@Zalape think about the practicalities of whether you are willing to drive your children to their village friends' houses to pick them up from evening or weekend playdates, and answer their questions about why their friends can't come to your house unless you give them a lift.

Also, have you thought ahead to secondary? They may not be able to go to the same secondary as their friends if catchments are different.

State schools are usually allocated by distance from your house. Are these are the only schools near your house? If there are closer schools then you will probably be allocated one of those and not the ones you mentioned in your OP.

I wouldn't my DD made a friend with a child who lives 10 miles away from the school. The DPs constantly want my DD to go over. I do not want to do a 2x 40min round trip. They struggle to find friends.

I would go to the local school.

I went to primary school 7.5 miles away from my house for similar reasons (nearer to my mum's work). I was ok but as I got older there were somethings that made it hard. Walk to school week was always one that sticks with me as been left out of as obviously there was no way I could ever walk to school. Also the topics that primary schools cover like 'where we live', the area that the school was in was very different to where I actually live.
I then went to secondary closer to home which meant only knowing a handful of people from a hobby when I started.
As I got older I was a bit annoyed at my mum as the resons that she sent me to that school were all about her and I felt ignored my needs a little however now as an adult I do understand why she did it but still feel she could have tried a little harder to make it work better for both of us.

Local school, although it seems a faff now, will work out easier longer term. You will end your days ferrying kids to and from after school clubs, play dates, dance classes, at all hours miles away. It's much easier if they make local friends.

For the sake of saving an 20 extra minutes commuting it would be really selfish to send your kids to a school 10 miles away from their home. Children make local friends at school. This would be a shit parenting decision.

I lived a long way from school. High school especially was horrible. Everyone else met up, or even just decided to change plans & they'd all pop home for their togs to go for a swim. I couldn't do any of that. My parents wouldn't/couldn't just drop everything to drive back & forth. I wished more than anything that we lived close to school and my school friends.

Admittedly, my DD made a friend who lives in a neighbouring town 20 mins drive away, and I've resisted play dates as it's just too far & too painful to ferry her back & forth.

I also wouldn't do it for work commute - whose to say you'll still be working in that direction in a few years time?

It's different though, where there are a lot of children from one village travelling together as they can still make friends locally with their bus mates

Until you've looked around a school you can't really tell. We have two local schools. I had my heart set on one local school, nicer area, better ofsted etc but when I visited them both I much preferred the other school.
It had a better atmosphere and felt friendlier.
Personally I would go local but when you go and see the schools in a few years you will get a better feel for them. Also what wraparound area they offer might be a big factor.

You might not be working in the same place when your kids start school.

Are you likely to stay in your jobs for the next ten years?

It will impact on your kids socially as it's harder to have out of school friendships when you live further away.

I would look closely at admission criteria and also realistically how much house building is going on in the area in the next few years. You may hit a big sibling year with a lot of baptised siblings who would be higher priority than you. Also if there is a lot of proposed house building then if you are out of catchment then your risk of getting in is smaller.

For example my friend lives in a small village with a primary school that usually admits 30 each year and until last year was undersubscribed. It is a deprived ex mining village. Her small village has had 3 very large new build housing estates built on it in the past 2 years, plus the extra 10,000 new build houses that have been built on the outskirts of the nearest ex mining town. This year's nursery intake in September was 37 with 22 siblings, with the Christmas admissions it is 45 and she has been told will increase up to 50 by Easter. They have raised this with the head who has explained that they can have over 30 due to capacity and hours ect. Admissions have also already rang several parents who live out of catchment (in the ex mining town) explaining that they are unlikely to be awarded their 1st choice at this school. The same is happening at our local school, we have 34 in nursery currently and they have capacity to admit 30, I know a couple of parents have been rang by admissions this week asking if they want to change their 1st choice of school to their second choice. Again, a very big sibling year at our school with 19 siblings.

There will be falling rolls due to lowering birth rate. However knowing how this affects individual schools is difficult to know. With housing targets and movements into areas it’s difficult to judge if villages get bigger.

RC schools near me have a huge catchment as there’s few of them. Voluntary Aided CofE might too but 10 miles is a long way.

I think dc deserve local friends. If your journey is longer OP, too bad really.

Will you definitely have the same jobs in a decades time?

Mumsnet loves a local school but with rural and private schools, and faith schools too, kids are always being bussed and driven in and everyone comes fine.

I know a couple of parents have been rang by admissions this week asking if they want to change their 1st choice of school to their second choice.

Given the requirements of the Admissions Code,
you won't not get preference 2, if that school can offer, just because you ranked it below another school, which can't.

I could understand the phone calls, if the LA was saying, Do you want to replace your first preference school with another school not currently on your CAF (wherever you choose to rank it), because we can already see that you will not get a place there? That is, to make sure that you still have a full range of potential options. (Although a bit dubious, if the deadline has already passed). But the system itself will already make the second preference into the first preference, if the first can't be offered.

Back to the OP's question about 'fairness'...

If,

• due to the overriding criterion being 'degree of religiousness', a place would be available from wherever at both a school practically on the doorstep and a school logistically preferable, but miles away, but
• the miles away school is the only school for miles around for the residents of the place where the school is and
• without unforeseen applications from 'qualified on religion' DC from miles away, would normally accommodate all the local applicants, religious or not, then
• yes, potentially to displace a pupil who doesn't fit the religion criterion, but who could walk to school but is now having to be transported out of the village every day, would be just a bit selfish.

Your children are still tiny - you have time to think about this one!

go and visit both schools and see how you feel.

tou come from the village, so I’m sure that would all work out fine socially etc. BUT, as others say, this is a long term plan - you’ll still have a child at primary school in 10 years time. I’d always go for the closer one, and 20 mins in the morning - tho annoying - may well be worth it if it makes other things easier

Tbf I personally (can’t speak for MN) am in favour of small village schools in the village and local communities they serve. @Saltandvin

The issue here is that the op is proposing a 10-mile commute from a city, which surely st have closer schools. The last thing we need in the UK is more ppl driving their DC to school. The change in my commute (sadly impossible by bus) is dramatic in school holidays. @Starryknightcloud a point worth considering I think.

My DP and I both work in quite a niche field where if we changed jobs we'd relocate, so I can imagine a scenario in which the OP and partner might know they'd be in the same jobs in 10 years' time. We are looking at a similar scenario for different reasons: our local school has very limited wraparound care on offer and we can't plan long term based on the chance that the one local childminder will still be in business and have spaces. So we will need to send DCs to a school near our work, 10 miles from where we live, where there are afterschool clubs. We won't be the only parents in that situation locally, though, and the ferrying around for playdates and activities is just a fact of life in our area.

For me, the main questions for OP would be about the availability of wraparound care, and the demographic at the village school. If it's only children from the village, that might be different from if there are children from other villages coming in, meaning it would be pretty normal for kids to have friends who were not local to them. Also, being from the city might not be a disadvantage for things like parties if most of the soft play/leisure centres/party venues were in the city and people were more likely to be coming in that direction.