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Original poster

11 year old

9 replies

Mrspinknails · 20/01/2025 20:52

Son recently turned 11. Diagnosed asd but doesn't really cause too much of an issue day to day. He is in last year of primary.
The residential school trip is in a few months but he is saying he doesn't want to go. He has had 2 sleepovers, 1) he was exhausted coming home and had a banging headache. I suspected he didn't drink enough. He was under the nurse for bed wetting. They discovered he has a tiny bladder so can't hold much. Treatment was to massively increase his water intake. I don't think he drank enough on his sleepover because he was worried about bed wetting and as a result got dehydrated.
The 2nd one I had to collect him because he wanted to come home. He said he just wanted his own bed.

The 1st school residential he didnt want to go on either.. so we didnt push it.

I'm not sure what to do with the next one and whether to strongly encourage him to go on this one. I think it will be great for his independence amd to grow up a bit. I have said i think you should go but hes satlying he doesnt want to be away from me. Its for 3 nights in the uk.
Secondary school is September and he is still very immature.
Any advice please

OP posts:
stichguru · 20/01/2025 20:58

How do you think school would actually deal with the bed wetting? It sounds like he needs a plan for wetting the bed on the residential, being helped to change it by someone sympathetic and the rest of the group not knowing. Is it possible he could share a room with just one friend who knows, rather than in a boys dorm?

letsgo9 · 21/01/2025 09:27

Have you spoken to your gp? They can prescribe bedwetting pills. You can take them as and when - just need to stop drinking 1-2 hrs before he takes them at bedtime.

Original poster
Mrspinknails · 21/01/2025 16:49

stichguru · 20/01/2025 20:58

How do you think school would actually deal with the bed wetting? It sounds like he needs a plan for wetting the bed on the residential, being helped to change it by someone sympathetic and the rest of the group not knowing. Is it possible he could share a room with just one friend who knows, rather than in a boys dorm?

He hasn't wet the bed for quite a long time, certainly a few months. He still doesn't drink enough fluid though.
He wouldn't want any of his friends knowing. I think that's why he wanted to come home early from the last one

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Original poster
Mrspinknails · 21/01/2025 16:50

letsgo9 · 21/01/2025 09:27

Have you spoken to your gp? They can prescribe bedwetting pills. You can take them as and when - just need to stop drinking 1-2 hrs before he takes them at bedtime.

Yeah he was under the hospital. They said he needs to increase his water intake and stretch his bladder before they would consider meds .

OP posts:
Whattohavefordinner · 21/01/2025 21:55

I’d pay for the trip - leave the option open. Let him decide on the day. If he still doesn’t want to go then it’s fine. A few months to think through things

Or maybe he could do one night and see whether he was enjoying it or not and go from there ….

Id pay and decide later based on your son. It could be overload at the minute and worried. Depends how “far” the place is from home too / how quick you could scope him up if he wants to come back home / leave everyone

Kattuccino · 21/01/2025 22:06

My son managed about 4 hours of his year 6 residential - we had to go and collect him as he was so unhappy. I regret encouraging (forcing, really) him to go. It felt like a massive deal at the time, but he's in year 7 now having a great time! He'll spread his wings when he's ready.

Original poster
Mrspinknails · 22/01/2025 17:20

Kattuccino · 21/01/2025 22:06

My son managed about 4 hours of his year 6 residential - we had to go and collect him as he was so unhappy. I regret encouraging (forcing, really) him to go. It felt like a massive deal at the time, but he's in year 7 now having a great time! He'll spread his wings when he's ready.

This is what worries me. It's a couple hours drive and I don't want to have to collect him during it because I think it will make him stand out rather than just not going at all.

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Kattuccino · 22/01/2025 18:47

Mrspinknails · 22/01/2025 17:20

This is what worries me. It's a couple hours drive and I don't want to have to collect him during it because I think it will make him stand out rather than just not going at all.

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School managed it all very discreetly. But I do worry that he's now going to be put off future trips, as that one was such a disaster.

When the kids got back, the parent WhatsApp group was full of people saying how amazing it had been, how much their kids loved it etc. I felt so sad reading the messages 😔- like I'd properly failed as a Mum as my DC hadn't managed it. But a few parents spoke to me afterwards to let me know that their DCs had also struggled and not enjoyed themselves. So that made me feel better/less alone!

Original poster
Mrspinknails · 23/01/2025 16:33

Kattuccino · 22/01/2025 18:47

School managed it all very discreetly. But I do worry that he's now going to be put off future trips, as that one was such a disaster.

When the kids got back, the parent WhatsApp group was full of people saying how amazing it had been, how much their kids loved it etc. I felt so sad reading the messages 😔- like I'd properly failed as a Mum as my DC hadn't managed it. But a few parents spoke to me afterwards to let me know that their DCs had also struggled and not enjoyed themselves. So that made me feel better/less alone!

Show quote history

Same as the groups I'm in. I knew it would be like that so I muted it in anticipation. I feel bad
I keep telling myself it will all come in time but I don't want his 1st trip away to be at high school either.

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