Overwhelmed and need a Mother’s advice.

[UnderFadedSkies]

Hi, I’m nervous to post, it’s my first time, but I think I need some motherly advice, which I’m unlikely to get from my own.

This is very long, and I apologise in advance, but I will add a TLDR at the end.

I don’t want to “drip feed,” so I’ll give as much context as possible without losing anonymity. I am 25 and currently work as a nanny (I love the job, but it’s not forever). I have also done some care work, which I loved too. My DP works in a pub.

Growing up, I was considered a “gifted” child and loved to learn, but there were a lot of problems at home (domestic violence, abuse, alcoholism). As a teenager, and even into my early 20s, my education and mental health suffered tremendously. Although I got into college (on the condition I retake Maths, mostly based on my interview as my other grades weren’t remarkable) doing good A-Levels, I didn’t even make it to my second year. Things were so bad I couldn’t attend even 20% of my lessons. I ended up leaving home and college.

At that time, I didn’t have any direction or hope honestly, but luckily things have changed since. My circumstances are better, my lovely DP of 10 years and I are planning to elope next year, we have enough money to survive just the two of us and our dog, and I am permanently no-contact with abusive people. More than that though, my mindset has changed. Hope has arrived, and I want a better life. I want to improve the situation but I feel like I’ve made it so hard for myself that it seems like a mountain I can’t climb.

We don’t have children yet. I’m an overthinker and a perfectionist by nature, and with my job and childhood, I understand the gravity of becoming a parent. I want us to be financially, emotionally, and otherwise stable before taking that step if that’s what we still decide on down the road.

My dream is to teach English. I’ve also always had the desire and need to emigrate, and becoming an English teacher abroad has been on my mind for a while. It’s the first thing I can really see myself doing, but I feel like I’ve wasted so much time.

I have no outside financial support and no savings at this point. We live simply, but there’s still no “extra” money at the end of the month to start saving for education or the pipe dream of living abroad. We have no debt, don’t receive ant benefits, and no crazy spending habits—just nothing really left after expenses.

Due to family circumstances, my houses have been a target, and I have been a victim of violence. It feels like a psychological need to be somewhere far away so I can feel free and safe and I don’t think that will happen in England. We’re both willing to make big sacrifices to get life on track again.

I love to learn, and I’m certain now that I have some drive and focus again, I can achieve academically. But I still have this fear about working up from mostly GCSE-level qualifications to a degree (or equivalent) at this stage, and I don’t really understand the practicalities of it all—let alone how we could afford it. In an ideal world i’d be a fully qualified english teacher, either here or abroad, but that is even less possible than TEFL right now- I just don’t want to be some kind of digital nomad and travel the world, or mega rich, but build a normal life and have a happy family.

I’ve had to be an adult for much longer than most and made good decisions for myself, but when it comes to improving my situation from this point, I feel lost and like I need help.

I’m sorry if this feels disorganised or like venting, but I’ve needed to talk to someone other than poor DP about all of this, so thank you for reading this far .

TLDR:
I’m 25 and want to restart my education to eventually emigrate and teach English abroad, it feels unachievable. A violent childhood and poor mental health disrupted my education, I need to start pretty much from scratch but I’m ready to improve my life further now i’m not in a bad headspace. However, I’m clueless how to begin, especially financially and have nobody to ask like relatives or even really friends. Any advice would mean a lot.

Questions on my mind if anyone has an answer:
How possible is it to restart education at 25?
Is there a professional I could speak to? (Career advisor for adults?)
Does anyone have experience with doing GCSEs as an adult, was it awful?
Are there any alternative ways to get qualified, like iGCSE/online/as part of a job?
Have you got experience with TEFL/ TEFL courses?
Savings challenges aside, any financial advice to save/earn extra on a pretty low income?
If I was someone you cared about, what would you tell them to do?

Hi OP. Many Universities have life long learning departments. It might be worth making an appointment with some one to find out what you would need to study there. You might be able to do an access course without having to do GCSE and A level studies. I think you sound like you would be an excellent English teacher.

Roehampton university offered courses for women who missed out on traditional education, your circumstances would fit their criteria.

they may not be alone

access courses are your friend

seek out careers advice at your local colleges/Uni, you may find it’s not as tough as you think

good luck 🤞🏼

OP as others have already said, you are so young still. Though I know you don’t feel it, because you are clearly mature for your age, please believe us. I retrained at 30 and I felt such shame around it at the time, like I should’ve had it all figured out already, but 10 years later, I’m now in a senior leadership level role in a company I love. My friend re-trained to become a nurse at the age of 44 and is living her best life. It is always worth re-evaluating your situation and then taking the leap.

Your life experience and your route into teaching will only make you an incredible inspiration to your students. They will be lucky to have you x

You don't need GCSEs or A-levels to study for a degree with the OU (although you would need the maths GCSE to qualify as a teacher afterwards, so that's worth doing at some point - you should be able to do it at an FE college for free).
In England, you don't get a maintenance loan to study with the OU, so you'd need to work alongside studying.
Also look into "access to HE" courses which run in various places and provide a route in for someone like you.

@UnderFadedSkies you've got lots of brilliant advice here- I can't add to it, except to say that you sound like an outstanding young woman who will be an incredible role model and inspiration to children you teach and eventually I hope, your own children. 25 is still very young and you can absolutely restart your education from here. And you have the advantage of maturity beyond your years, a knowledge of what you want, and a healthy hunger to better your prospects.
For what it's worth, you sound like a very good bet. Best of luck. And when you do find yourself as a student, try to carve out time for some of the things you missed out on when you were a kid.

Just popping in to add that I am 52 and can’t take adhd meds because I have heart failure. I am enrolling in nursing degree this year after finishing a diploma (slooooowly)

Congratulations @Fraaances!

You could take an Access course which is A level equivalent for HE entry. Would you be eligible to work abroad? Try the British Council for ideas as to how to get placements overseas and what is required.

Maths and English are free for functional skills or GCSEs. You can do them in person or online. Start with your local adult education centre.

For inspiration- my best friend was in a very similar situation to you. She dropped out of school with no GCSEs because she fell in with the wrong crowd and started taking drugs.
In her late twenties she took GCSEs and then her A levels in evening classes while she worked, and she then did a degree teaching primary level.
She is now a deputy head. I am so proud of her.

If what you would like to do is teach English in an international school, aim for that. Which country would you like to live in?

In terms of living away from your abusive family, would one option be to move to another UK town during your degree? Could your DP do that with his job?

www.ticrecruitment.com/advice/newsletters/may-2015/how-to-start-your-international-teaching-career/

You could do a TEFL course but ....if you want to teach in the EU it's almost impossible now post Brexit. You could do a proper teaching degree and then get a sponsored visa which would allow you to teach in an international school in the EU

I thought I’d share an update and finally thank everyone for their advice. I’m sorry I haven’t been back, I got very overwhelmed, but I took everything on board and applied to do an Access course (education) at my local university. Today I got accepted, I start in September!!

Thank you so much everyone. I’m in a much better place than I was when I wrote this, and I really appreciate the push in the right direction- it was exactly what I needed. I’m so happy and nervous.

This made me cry twice, once when I read it for the first time and again now, thank you so much. I accepted my place on an access corse today because of the confidence you especially, and everyone else here, gave me to start again.

Something in my eye too, @UnderFadedSkies . We don't know each other but I'm still so proud of you. You'll be an amazing teacher- let us know how you get on.❤

Congratulations OP that’s wonderful news!

re financial I did uni in my 20s as like you I hadn’t had the best start. I was also a nanny and managed to find a job that fit around uni. It was early starts dropping the kids to school and tight getting to uni then I’d pick the up from after school club and finish late. It was a great family and as the kids were school ages I was able to study while supervising the kids at the park etc. It was good for the family as I was able to cover full time during the school holidays. I also nannied elsewhere on weekends and did a lot of babysitting childcare.co.uk is great for finding work like that xx