Overwhelmed and need a Mother’s advice.

[UnderFadedSkies]

Hi, I’m nervous to post, it’s my first time, but I think I need some motherly advice, which I’m unlikely to get from my own.

This is very long, and I apologise in advance, but I will add a TLDR at the end.

I don’t want to “drip feed,” so I’ll give as much context as possible without losing anonymity. I am 25 and currently work as a nanny (I love the job, but it’s not forever). I have also done some care work, which I loved too. My DP works in a pub.

Growing up, I was considered a “gifted” child and loved to learn, but there were a lot of problems at home (domestic violence, abuse, alcoholism). As a teenager, and even into my early 20s, my education and mental health suffered tremendously. Although I got into college (on the condition I retake Maths, mostly based on my interview as my other grades weren’t remarkable) doing good A-Levels, I didn’t even make it to my second year. Things were so bad I couldn’t attend even 20% of my lessons. I ended up leaving home and college.

At that time, I didn’t have any direction or hope honestly, but luckily things have changed since. My circumstances are better, my lovely DP of 10 years and I are planning to elope next year, we have enough money to survive just the two of us and our dog, and I am permanently no-contact with abusive people. More than that though, my mindset has changed. Hope has arrived, and I want a better life. I want to improve the situation but I feel like I’ve made it so hard for myself that it seems like a mountain I can’t climb.

We don’t have children yet. I’m an overthinker and a perfectionist by nature, and with my job and childhood, I understand the gravity of becoming a parent. I want us to be financially, emotionally, and otherwise stable before taking that step if that’s what we still decide on down the road.

My dream is to teach English. I’ve also always had the desire and need to emigrate, and becoming an English teacher abroad has been on my mind for a while. It’s the first thing I can really see myself doing, but I feel like I’ve wasted so much time.

I have no outside financial support and no savings at this point. We live simply, but there’s still no “extra” money at the end of the month to start saving for education or the pipe dream of living abroad. We have no debt, don’t receive ant benefits, and no crazy spending habits—just nothing really left after expenses.

Due to family circumstances, my houses have been a target, and I have been a victim of violence. It feels like a psychological need to be somewhere far away so I can feel free and safe and I don’t think that will happen in England. We’re both willing to make big sacrifices to get life on track again.

I love to learn, and I’m certain now that I have some drive and focus again, I can achieve academically. But I still have this fear about working up from mostly GCSE-level qualifications to a degree (or equivalent) at this stage, and I don’t really understand the practicalities of it all—let alone how we could afford it. In an ideal world i’d be a fully qualified english teacher, either here or abroad, but that is even less possible than TEFL right now- I just don’t want to be some kind of digital nomad and travel the world, or mega rich, but build a normal life and have a happy family.

I’ve had to be an adult for much longer than most and made good decisions for myself, but when it comes to improving my situation from this point, I feel lost and like I need help.

I’m sorry if this feels disorganised or like venting, but I’ve needed to talk to someone other than poor DP about all of this, so thank you for reading this far .

TLDR:
I’m 25 and want to restart my education to eventually emigrate and teach English abroad, it feels unachievable. A violent childhood and poor mental health disrupted my education, I need to start pretty much from scratch but I’m ready to improve my life further now i’m not in a bad headspace. However, I’m clueless how to begin, especially financially and have nobody to ask like relatives or even really friends. Any advice would mean a lot.

Questions on my mind if anyone has an answer:
How possible is it to restart education at 25?
Is there a professional I could speak to? (Career advisor for adults?)
Does anyone have experience with doing GCSEs as an adult, was it awful?
Are there any alternative ways to get qualified, like iGCSE/online/as part of a job?
Have you got experience with TEFL/ TEFL courses?
Savings challenges aside, any financial advice to save/earn extra on a pretty low income?
If I was someone you cared about, what would you tell them to do?

No, it's not too late.

Start at the beginning - what GCSEs do you have?

Thank-you for your reply, I really get my head spinning sometimes.

IIRC I passed English language, English lit, combined science, history, child development, psychology and sociology. I failed a few others and didn’t get above C’s and B’s but I have always struggled with maths and never got that.

Open university have some great courses and you should be able to do an English Degree with them, I'm not sure about teacher courses. If you've not studied a degree before then you should also qualify for student finance so you wouldn't need to pay upfront. Savings is hard to comment on without knowing you income and expenditure

Darling you can do equivalency courses too. Make a long appointment at your GP and discuss your history and anxiety/trauma, and talk about how you need a referral to a counsellor/continuing education service that can let you know your options to further your education. Once you are enrolled you should also take advantage of the counselling offered on campus. That should help you keep in track/help you with documentation for extra consideration should you become overwhelmed.

Have a look online at further education courses near you, and also at access/foundation courses and routes in to a degree. It’s absolutely possible to restart education - 25 is young!! - and there are lots of different routes available.

Take a look here, for example:
https://www.accesstohe.ac.uk

Thank-you, I have looked at open university before but before I had any kind of plan so I will do some research tomorrow :) I have never done a degree before, it’s a lot of debt but I would consider it worth it once I have the other qualifications in place to do it.

Should I have put those in?

Thank you so much for this reply, I have screenshotted this all to remember and will take the advice and call my doctors- I never thought about it before. I will into equivalency courses in the morning too. I feel a little more hopeful now, thank-you again 🫶

You are so young! And you have overcome so much already showing great strength of character. You will have to have maths GCSE to do a PGCSE/equivalent but that is very doable if you are motivated. My husband had to retake his science GCSE age 30 which is when he became a teacher. He was by no way the oldest doing his training! We are now teacher expats living a wonderful life abroad in south east Asia teaching at an amazing school. Look into slightly different routes into teaching where you can get paid as you train as well.

Do some of the free courses through the OU, move to Scotland. Neither of you should have trouble finding jobs in childcare and pubs.

Two years in Scotland, earn under £25k and you can apply for your fees to be covered to get a degree through the OU, look into what you need for BEd primary education.

You would need to fund fees for a post grad to get your teaching qualification if you chose a different undergrad degree to teach in the UK.

There are places like DaDa that do online English as a second language teaching, you only need a degree it doesn't matter what it is. My ex taught English to Japanese children for two years this way, he had a Design degree.

It is not too late, you have years ahead of you yet.

I second the equivalency course, and making a long appointment to see your GP.

Open Univeristy are wonderful. Have a look at their free courses, do a couple, get some confidence in distance learning and try out a free subjects before you decide on that route.
https://www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses

Of course you can do this at age 25!

You need to start with GCSE Maths. You can't teach without this. Look at your local FE college for classes, likely in the evening.

TEFL will restrict you jobs wise, so I would be looking at an English degree then a PGCE.

Saving more. The answer is earn more to save more, either a different job or an additional job (even one night a week in a pub).

Google - careers advice and your location to find out what's available.

Moving abroad - much more limited now due to brexit. Therefore your qualifications need you to be able to be used here.

Your post was very well written, which is good if you want English to be the basis of a future career.

Good luck!

I wouldn’t do TEFL. It’s not really worth it.
You need an PGCE to teach - either here or abroad in an international school.

You're 25!
You have plenty of time!

You can do a maths equivalency course.

I did the OU years ago and it was a very positive experience. Lots of support as many OU students are mature/coming back to education after a long break.

You will need to apply for student finance from sfe England.

You may even get a maintainence loan - check out the SFE website.

Good luck! X

I would look at access courses. Talk to your local college admissions. They could also give you advice about maths classes which are often free to pre gcse level (here they are delivered at the library and billed as “adult literacy”).
It could look something like,
start numeracy courses now once a week
in September start an access course at a local college, so work around the days times you need to be there
Sept 26 start at university with a full loan studying education or English Lit
June 29 graduate and swan off to your new life.

You aren't too old.

As long as you are aware teaching TEFL won't be able to converted to an English teacher within a school if you have enough of travelling as they are entirely different.

You also need to work on soft skills like self esteem and confidence to stand Infront of a class and command respect as without that even when teaching adults low level disruption is an issue.

First port of call would be your local FE college, you'll find plenty of people redoing GCSEs.

In terms of travelling you need a decent whack of money behind you really and if your relationship is to continue, not that it needs to parting to go your separate ways is ok but if he is coming with you you need to check he is 100% onboard.

Absolutely it isn't too late to restart education. It sounds like you have the maturity and headspace to tackle this now as you didn't before.

Find your nearest college of further education. You may feel ready to start a full course but they will have starter-style "access" courses designed to get you back into the flow of learning.

Kindly meant, and I don't know your boyfriend, but it is very unlikely that a relationship formed at the age of 15 by a vulnerable girl growing up in the challenging circumstances you describe is at all a healthy or functional relationship. You sound like you are at a very high risk of some kind of abuse (which may be eg emotional or financial not physical). It would be beneficial for you to be single for a year or two in order to work out who you are as an independent adult before you start tying yorself to any other individual, especially one who first knew you when you were very vulnerable. Do not elope with him. Take a few steps back and work out what the emotional landscape of your relationship is really like.

I am rooting for you already!

Lots of good advice already so I will talk a little bit about maths. "I can't do maths" usually turns out to be "I had some terrible maths teaching". If you can recognise numbers when written and add small numbers together you probably do not have the rare condition dyscalculia and instead you do have the basic building block to start or restart your maths education. Yay! Each building block can be added when you are ready.

Thank you for your reply and advice. I will contact a college and start looking at ways to finance everything. As someone else suggested, a second job might be necessary if I can manage it.

I appreciate your concern and kindness, really more people should be like you and ask the big questions surrounding the safety of relationships. I am always the first to notice risks or signs, but without wanting to sound like I’m bigging him up too much my partner really is a gentle, sweet, amazing man and no threat to anyone. We did get together very young, and the only “red flag” in our relationship is how insular we are. However, it’s something we laugh about, not an issue. It comes from being together 24/7 from a young age and having little other support.

I am very no nonsense- I don’t accept abusive behaviour in any capacity and can be very quick to cut ties with people when necessary. But my partner has never done anything to even make me consider that. He has my best interests at heart, as I do his.

I’m not an expert in healthy familial relationships, but I’d say we do a lot better than most. There’s little in the way of conflict between us, absolutely no shouting or swearing, and instead, we have completely open communication with no judgement or fear. We’re supportive of each other’s goals and interests, and we’re loving towards each other no matter what. Essentially, we’ve created a home that is the opposite of where I grew up. He is the family I chose, and we can’t wait to finally be married.

We’ve been engaged for five-ish years, so eloping isn’t a spur of the moment decision; it’s just the best wedding option for us. We’ve lived together since I left home, I changed my name to his by deed poll years ago, and we’ve had shared finances for a long time. This is really just about making our lil family legally official.

I would describe the landscape of our relationship as an old married couple, a hive mind, and always best friends above all else. I hope this alleviates some of your concerns that he sniffed out a vulnerable girl when, in fact, he helped me become a strong woman and supported my every move even when he was just a boy himself. 🤍

Thank you so much! 🫶🏻 I agree- Maths became so much harder when the teachers weren’t clear. Although it’s been discussed, I don’t think I have dyscalculia because, with enough time, I can understand concepts and I recognise numbers just fine.

Thank you for your hopeful response! My DP is a Maths genius compared to me and a great teacher, so he’ll help. I’ve also started using Duolingo Maths to exercise that part of my brain before I begin putting those building blocks in place. 🥰

Maths should be fun. I recommend lots of maths based games even if they are designed for children. School children spend hours playing things called TimesTables Rock stars and Complete Maths. But all depends on how you learn best. I used to have a Speak n Maths, that was just what you need!

I also didn't get my a levels after dropping out due to poor mental health. Although I did pass most of my GCSEs. I then ended up pregnant and a single parent in my early 20s and worked dead end jobs.

I did an Access course at college to get into uni at 25 when my daughter went to school. I had my maths, but some people didn't and did it as an extra evening course. I then did my degree and PGCE teaching qualification. I also fell pregnant half way through my degree, gave birth a week after I finished my second year and went back with everyone else for third year 4 months later. It was bloody hard work but I wouldn't change a thing (well maybe the crap men I had kids with, but aside from that, nothing!)

I've now been teaching for 15 years and I bloody love it. I won't lie, it's a fucking hard job but I love my subject (also English) and it's so rewarding.

If I can do it, with two kids thrown into the mix, you certainly can!

My eldest is now also a teacher

Just to add.

My eldest also plans to teach abroad and I have many friends that have done it. Easy in international schools once you have your PGCE.

Speak to a qualified careers advisor from the national careers service. They can talk about the routes that you know, tell you if there’s other options you haven’t considered, help you with next steps. 25 is so young - what is it they say , best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. Next best time is today? nationalcareers.service.gov.uk

Your plans are totally do-able. Get qualifications, get degree, teach abroad. Go for it! Your nanny experience should really help if you want to teach young learners.

Google your local university + widening participation / widening access and get in touch with them. Universities now make a big thing of helping people whose education was interrupted due to family estrangement, caring responsibilities, migration etc, or if they're the first in their family to go to university. You can sometimes get bursaries as well.