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Original poster

For those struggling to get help for their children with SEN

22 replies

ipredictariot5 · 10/01/2025 12:10

I was looking at some old MN posts ( different user name) and found this that I posted about my 6 year daughter in 2007. Been to a parents evening and was told she was ‘weak average’ MN wisdom told me to push for an educational psychologist asst and trust my own judgement. She ended up with a dyslexia diagnosis, later ADHD and some additional support at school. Couldn’t read at all at 7.
I’m proud to report she is due to graduate as a vet this year and am posting this for any mums who feel they are banging their heads against a brick wall to get their children assessed. I think it is a lot harder now than it was re resources but trust your instincts

For those struggling to get help for their children with SEN
OP posts:
Robotindisguise · 10/01/2025 12:14

How lovely. Really well done to your DD and to you as well, as navigating / advocating for a kid with SEN in education is a team effort. Congratulations!

Catgotyourbrain · 10/01/2025 12:19

Yes to this!
In our case trying to get help for DS1, I was told I was 'perceiving' massive meltdowns as I was an only child myself and 'didn't grow up around boys'. I started writing a diary of the meltdowns and general behaviour. It makes for pretty sobering reading now - and FWIW I definitely wasn't 'perceiving', I was actually seeing for real 🙄. I'm here to tell you that consultant psychiatrists at CAMHS don't always know what they are talking about. Same woman later told me that ADHD meds 'must be taken every single day' (not true in the slightest).

Said child is now nearly 19, still affected massively by his ADHD and dyslexia, but has had lots of support and is doing well.

If it helps - one day you may find you can sit and chat to your adult child about all this shit. Its very cathartic (for both of you).

And write a diary - really helps to show people - whether its behaviour, dyslexia, sleep - always good to write a diary.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 10/01/2025 13:24

ipredictariot5 · 10/01/2025 12:10

I was looking at some old MN posts ( different user name) and found this that I posted about my 6 year daughter in 2007. Been to a parents evening and was told she was ‘weak average’ MN wisdom told me to push for an educational psychologist asst and trust my own judgement. She ended up with a dyslexia diagnosis, later ADHD and some additional support at school. Couldn’t read at all at 7.
I’m proud to report she is due to graduate as a vet this year and am posting this for any mums who feel they are banging their heads against a brick wall to get their children assessed. I think it is a lot harder now than it was re resources but trust your instincts

A huge well done to your daughter - and to you. I know only too well what a mammoth task it is parenting through this.

I'm in the same position - very bright child who couldn't read at 7 and who massively underachieves compared with CATs and IQ. Severely dyslexic and ADHD.

Happily has a specialist interest that she's exceptionally good at, so I've plough most efforts and resources into supporting that and she's off to university in the autumn to focus on just that.

It's become hugely more difficult to get the assessments, but what is even worse is that the level of support on offer in schools is just non-existent. They are overwhelmed and just focused on the emergency stuff. You really need to do so much yourself these days.

We have been incredibly fortunate to have some great teachers who have gone above and beyond to support and help, but it's very hard work.

ChillysWaterBottle · 10/01/2025 13:26

Amazing, well done to you and your daughter. What a brilliant career she's chosen as well. Thanks for sharing x

KittenPause · 10/01/2025 13:36

That's fantastic news and thanks for sharing

Your support would have been invaluable

RatRatPig · 10/01/2025 17:53

That's amazing! Well done to her - and you!!

BlackSwanEvent · 11/01/2025 20:37

This has made me so happy. Yay for you and your daughter! xxxx

TeaandHobnobs · 11/01/2025 20:49

This is wonderful to hear @ipredictariot5 -
well done to her! And well done for all the support you’ve given her.

sexnotgenders · 11/01/2025 21:24

What a great post! That's proper made me smile. Congratulations to your daughter and huge respect to you as her mum - you advocated for her, believed in her, and fought for her, and just look what all that hard work has helped her to achieve. Absolutely wonderful

Musicofthespiers · 11/01/2025 21:25

Thank you for sharing, it really does help :)

Lostmum1906 · 11/01/2025 21:29

You're been the light in my very dark tunnel. Thank you and very well done to you and your daughter 💖

oopsgoesthedaisy · 11/01/2025 21:40

I came on here tonight to ask what are people's SEN kids doing as adults. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel atm and I needed this msg tonight ❤️

sourep · 12/01/2025 06:20

My daughter is 10 and has ADHD and associated difficulties with spelling, writing, executive function and audiological working memory, but very bright. It is great to hear how well your daughter has done despite the challenges she had early on. Looking back, is there an intervention you feel made the most difference to her? Thank you for sharing her story.

Original poster
ipredictariot5 · 13/01/2025 14:02

sourep · 12/01/2025 06:20

My daughter is 10 and has ADHD and associated difficulties with spelling, writing, executive function and audiological working memory, but very bright. It is great to hear how well your daughter has done despite the challenges she had early on. Looking back, is there an intervention you feel made the most difference to her? Thank you for sharing her story.

Having someone at school who each week checked what she hadn’t understood that week and telling her teachers ( secondary ). Opting her out of languages at GCSE ( she struggled enough with English!) finding things she was good at in and out of school to boost her self belief. Getting primary school teachers not to put reading books in plastic bags so all her friends could see! Advocating for her with teachers and reminding them of the gap between her verbal and written skills.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipredictariot5 · 13/01/2025 14:05

oopsgoesthedaisy · 11/01/2025 21:40

I came on here tonight to ask what are people's SEN kids doing as adults. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel atm and I needed this msg tonight ❤️

I have also got a son with ADHD and ASD who is nearly 18. He was in an inclusion unit in primary with significant behavioural problems. Finishing his education in a mainstream secondary and expected to do well. One of the most useful things I was told is that kids with ASD mature like everyone else but it’s a lot slower. Leads to social gaps with peers and that is hard

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mugglewump · 13/01/2025 14:22

That is great news. Is your DC medicated for ADHD? It has been a game changer in our family. I feel sad when I hear parents say they aren't going down the medication route as the meds not only turn school from a place of stress to a place of interesting learning, but also boost self-esteem and confidence as grades improve.

sourep · 13/01/2025 17:48

ipredictariot5 · 13/01/2025 14:02

Having someone at school who each week checked what she hadn’t understood that week and telling her teachers ( secondary ). Opting her out of languages at GCSE ( she struggled enough with English!) finding things she was good at in and out of school to boost her self belief. Getting primary school teachers not to put reading books in plastic bags so all her friends could see! Advocating for her with teachers and reminding them of the gap between her verbal and written skills.

Show quote history

This is so helpful and comforting to read. Thank you. It is hard to advocate constantly in the way you describe, but so necessary. And I also hoped for her to avoid a language at GCSE for exactly the same reasons! Did you find any effective strategy for narrowing the gap between verbal and written abilities? (e.g., dictating work or something similar?).

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 17:52

Thank you. 🙏
Congrats to your fabulous dd and you for being the mum she needed. 💐

Original poster
ipredictariot5 · 13/01/2025 18:16

@sourep there are lots of different dictation/software now but one of the biggest things was I think the exam boards changed and stopped marking down spelling mistakes and grammar as it was discriminatory for some children ( I couldn’t get my head round it at the time but makes sense when most stuff on computers now with spell checks anyway )
I was also advised to let her work out the way she did things with maths etc as dyslexics have creative brains and it is important not to impose one way - a problem across all education
and she was good at really weird things like DT when she was terrible at maths
also to get across to teachers they need to actually mark the content and not to just say she can’t write so it doesn’t matter what she says
she actually ended up doing English lit as an A level and got an A because her English teachers took that approach

OP posts:
Original poster
ipredictariot5 · 13/01/2025 18:17

mugglewump · 13/01/2025 14:22

That is great news. Is your DC medicated for ADHD? It has been a game changer in our family. I feel sad when I hear parents say they aren't going down the medication route as the meds not only turn school from a place of stress to a place of interesting learning, but also boost self-esteem and confidence as grades improve.

Yes but she wouldn’t entertain it until she was 16/17 when she decided it was worth a go - her academic performance really picked up when she was

OP posts:
PeachPumpkin · 14/01/2025 07:10

Just came across this thread. Thank you so much for posting. Really thoughtful of you. I’m so pleased for you and your daughter.

Autumndayz77 · 14/01/2025 07:26

How lovely. My DD also has dyslexia and we suspect adhd altho she doesn’t want testing. I have actually found secondary to be better than primary which I was quite surprised about!

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