Namechanging for this, as I don't want any parents linking my posts elsewhere!
Richard Pate is a lovely school, but it is, as others have said, quite aspirational and I think the kids tend to reflect that. It has always focused heavily on grammar admissions and independent entry, but they have been kind to a couple of friends whose sons have SEN, so they do go the extra mile when a child needs that in a way not all glossy schools will, to put it mildly. I have friends with kids there who speak really highly. Never heard anything bad.
Ashley Manor is now very academic too. They stream for maths and English and the top sets are working a year ahead - so, Yr 7 work for Yr 6, for example. They do a lot of grammar prep for those more able kids, and the work is all individually planned and delivered, whereas a lot of schools rely on the godawful White Rose. The curriculum is interesting, and they get all manner of opportunities and trips.
My daughter is there, and loves it. She's gifted - IQ of 154 sort of gifted - and I wouldn't send her somewhere unable to cater to that. She has been stretched and supported well academically and they offer a range of languages, for example, including Latin. But even more importantly she's got a good peer group who are really kind and inclusive, and there's a real innocence about some of them, which suits her well as she loves imaginative play still.
I think it depends what you want from a school, as both are great options. I think Richard Pate is glossier and more aspirational, whereas Ashley Manor offers a gentler, Swallows and Amazons sort of childhood where the kids race around beneath trees in parkland at playtime, and spot wild Muntjac deer. There's a mini farm with alpaca and chickens, and a garden the kids tend, as well as the science lab, art and drama studios, etc. Both are very well resourced, but without question the grounds and space at AM make it feel like a country option, even though it isn't. Richard Pate feels more like a city school.
I would be really happy to send my daughter to either, but I felt that Ashley Manor is gentler. It's kind to its bones in terms of staff and kids. There's exceptionally little bullying - there are several children in my daughter's class who were moved there from other schools for that reason, some who arrived in a pretty bad way, and are now thriving. They also have a couple of disabled kids who are quite vulnerable, and genuinely included and supported not just by the staff, but by the kids, too. I really love the teachers my daughter has had; Mrs Thomas, Mrs Hudson and Mrs Dewick are especially amazing.
Again, you can't really go wrong with either - AM just better suits my idea of what a childhood should be.