Private or State for Neurodivergent kids?

[HL1]

I am struggling here making the decision with whether to continue to send my two neurodivergent children to private school. The older has to move into senior in September and so the younger will also move on. The older boy struggles academically ( has slow processing) and has sensory issues. He struggles to focus so the smaller classes etc help. The younger has social issues but is very smart. He also struggles to focus though with distractions. He has a genetic disorder and is also being assessed for ADHD. They left a state school and moved private when we lived up north where it is a lot more affordable. The elder didn’t qualify for an EHCP which prompted the move into private. I did apply for an EHCP myself very haphazardly and knowing what I know now I think we could get one. I am now a single parent. Their father passed away a couple of years ago. I am struggling with the guilt at removing them but also thinking that the financial pressure is too much and is it actually worth it. It would mean living on bread and water, no holidays etc. the days are also very long for the children and the elderly one still doesn’t want to be there any longer than he has to which means he doesn’t really take advantage of the extracurricular stuff that’s available. The school have offered me a small bursary which has it made it harder to turn down the places they’ve been offered.
I’ve also been offered a place to do a PGCE. It fits with the kids holidays that I want to spend with them but honestly I like the job I’m in which is also term time only as an admin in a school.
I wondered also if anyone may also be considering applying for an EHCP to be exempt from VAT on fees? I’m guessing this will be a real struggle now as their will possibly be a flurry of applications.
I struggle with making decisions at the best of times.

You will only he exempt from VAT if an EHCP names the school, just having an EHCP won't exempt you

Yes I am aware thanks. Looking into that.

My autistic daughter has just started year 7 at a private school (previously at state primary) and we are absolutely blown away by the difference in provision for her. The level of support is phenomenal. We also receive a means-tested bursary.

Also, I would recommend NOT doing a PGCE. I was a primary school teacher for 20 years and recently sacked it in. Yes I've lost the school holidays but the difference it has made to our ability to function as a family during term time far outweighs this.

It is very school dependent. I have three children with ASD/ADHD amongst other things. All have been in private schools though different ones. My DD's school has been excellent at supporting her additional needs and she has thrived and I truly believe she would not have coped as well in our local state provision. Her brothers have been in a different school and I feel they have been pretty rubbish overall in offering any targeted support. On balance for them it hasn't been worth it at all. All independents are not created equal and I don't believe they are always better.

Most don't have the choice.
I would 100% go private if you can afford it.

I would look at exactly what your children need that they can access at the private school, which they won’t be able to in your local state provision. For example my son needed to be put down a year, into a small class, in a quiet classroom, plus many other very specific adjustments. We did find this at a specific private school and couldn’t access the equivalent in state, even though he already had an EHCP. Other private schools would have been far less suitable than the one he was at. If what your children need is available in state, do consider it.

You could certainly go down the EHCP application route, especially if you’re looking at moving to state. However it is notoriously difficult to get a private school named on it and can take a lot of time to achieve this.

May I ask the main reasons you wouldn’t recommend a PGCE? I have read that it’s incredibly intense for the year of study. Of course, there’s always stuff in the news about the long hours that teachers work.

You got it in one. I found it to be completely incompatible with family life.

Hello,

Primary teacher here.

I echo the sentiment of not doing your PGCE - I do not know of a single teacher not trying to leave the profession, it is awful!

Also, just to say, it takes years to get an EHCP, it won't be instant so if you're relying on it straight away, that might be difficult.

As far as private v state goes, it's up to you and you have to look at each school individually and what they offer. Both have their pros and cons. Visit the schools and see how inclusive they are for neurodivergent children.

Just make sure you understand the demands of PGCE and teaching (particularly the first years) before doing it. "It fits around school holidays" is true, but you also need to be aware that you might be working all evening most evenings during termtime, which may make it more difficult to support your kids - you might prefer to have time to help them with homework, etc.

Private if they are generally high functioning but would benefit from a calmer environment and smaller classes.

State if they have a higher level of need or require 1:1 support as organising this for private can more complex and you will have to pay for it yourself in addition to fees.

Not necessarily difficult to organise 1:1 support in private schools.
My daughter goes to a private school (started in Sept 2024), has an allocated pastoral manager, extra support in maths lessons etc. with no EHCP and at no additional cost to us.