Schools with actual good pastoral care in Lisburn/Belfast NI

[Tryingtokeepitreal]

Hi all, I've named changed as is potentially identifying. Has anyone from NI specifically Lisburn/Belfast area have a good personal experience with pastoral care in the grammar schools? With the open nights coming up I'm not sure I can listen to all the local Grammar Principal guff about excellent pastoral care and I'd rather hear about what happens in reality. Local schools here have great marketing via paid professionals so a lot people say about certain schools having great pastoral care without any details or lived experience and unfortunately we have had a traumatic time with our eldest academic sensitive child in one of these places. Trying to carve a happier path for siblings. Looking specifically for a school culture with solid empathy and kindness towards students, and being able to admit when mistakes have been made ie. Admitting a child having a panic attack being ignored by adults is not ideal/some concrete transition planning and communciation with parents in year 8 not a 3 mins zoom meeting in June discussing french etc TIA

DD went to Methody - all I can say is avoid! It used to be a fantastic school (she also went to prep which was wonderful, hence we had high hopes) but unfortunately it has massively gone downhill in recent years. Academically lacking and little to no support for pupils who are struggling until it’s too late. I don’t know a single parent who wasn’t disappointed with the school in the end. Happy to elaborate further over PM as details would be outing.

The new principal seems to be focusing on vanity projects more than anything. The aggressive marketing that they’re doing at the minute is cringeworthy!

If I could go back in time I’d send DD to either Friends, VCB or OLSPCK

I have a child in Methody and they are absolutely thriving! It doesn’t suit all kids but for mine it does.
i also have experience of Friends. Way prefer Methody for many reasons and Friends pastoral care is very questionable. I know loads of parents there who are not happy. If you have an introverted child who likes to study go for it, but for a fun and enjoyable experience it isn’t the place.
Ultimately it is where suits your child- doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Far too much snobbery about schools in NI.

I work in youth support and I would also say avoid methody. There's a long history of lack of awareness of issues young people face and good quality pastoral care.

Could you arrange to meet with whoever heads pastoral care in the schools you are considering and ask for more detail about what methods they use to support students, what community supports they utilise and how regularly, what training the staff have, what are their policies on specific safeguarding issues like bullying/ mental health of pupils/ domestic abuse etc. I'd also ask about how they balance pushing children to succeed with child wellbeing for example if students are being encouraged to attend extra curricular groups/classes over lunch breaks when are they supposed to eat and who is monitoring that.

You know your child and what supports they might need and their personality and ability so I do think sometimes you get a gut feeling about places.

I don’t think you will ever get the same level of pastoral care in a grammar as a secondary- it just isn’t as much of a priority for them. If you want actual good pastoral go for somewhere like Blessed Trinityon the Antrim Road- they have to be good due to the issues their kids have. But don’t expect the same from any of the big grammars as ultimately they want high achievers who will get good results, play sport or be musical.

To be fair I have heard St Dominic’s and BRA are good for pastoral care- but again because of their catchment they need to be.

I have to agree with this. Our teen is in a Grammar (not in Belfast) and I find a lot of lip service is paid to pastoral but very little real communication or action. If you have a good Integrated school nearby it would be worth a look. Many have a 'grammar stream' and their pastoral care is generally excellent.

The attitude of thinking that high achievers don’t also need good pastoral care is part of the problem. Being in a prestigious BT9 school doesn’t make you immune to life’s challenges!

DD was a very high achiever until she experienced sudden, long term health issues in Sixth Form - the school couldn’t have been less supportive if they tried and she crumbled mentally as a result. I’m part of a big circle of former MCB parents and DD’s experience unfortunately is not unique.

They know they need the pastoral care but ultimately it isn’t a priority as there will be another child desperate for the place who won’t give any hassle. These schools have huge waiting lists and let’s face it, the ethos of most of the big Belfast grammars is about winning and being the best.
Like I said- they suit SOME children but definitely not all.

Methody is definitely not unique!

Could I ask you about this? We live in an area that's a massive feeder to the lisburn schools and I genuinely haven't heard anything negative about the school, including their pastoral care, so it's high on the list for us in the coming years. What experience did you have of questionable pastoral care? I know lots of neighbours and friends kids who go here and whilst they are mostly on the more academic side, they're a mixture of introverted and extroverted, sporty and non-sporty etc. Keen to hear an opposite opinion!

I don’t want to say too as it would be identifiable but loads of issues around selection for sports teams and zero interest in anyone apart from A team, approaches to school choirs and who can be in, children with eating disorders and not getting the help needed, not good with boys who are boisterous. Sink or swim attitude. SEN provision crap. School trips not great in comparison to other grammars.
I also went there in the late 90s early 2000s and could tell you stories that would make your hair curl!
It is fine for some kids but beyond the good academic results, there are better schools. I don’t know many parents who rave about it.

Yes, SEN provision doesn’t tend to be great in grammars. School trips not as good as others though wouldn’t bother me lol, that’s a very minor thing in the grand scheme of things.

funny you saying how few parents rave about it - where I live most do!

also, to be fair to the school, eating disorders aren’t really something any school would be treating and with the specialist resources in NI being so lacking in this area, I’m not really sure what any school could do?

I suppose it depends what your expectations are! The ones I know are very much ‘it’s ok but dull’. This includes family members who are also ex pupils.