How to ask a headteacher outright about their less than positive reputation?

[Havenamechangedtostayanonymous]

Umm, following on from my www.mumsnet.com/Talk/43/518728'does anyone know anything about St Joseph's' thread I have now got an appointment to meet the head and be shown round the school.
She has a reputation for being a bit cold and passive aggressive as well as enjoying the media attention given to the school during a recent campaign to stay open a bit much.
I want to ask her about this in a tactful enough way that I won't have completely scuppered my DCs chances of a place straight out.
Any suggestions?

How would, I want DC to come here and I am very impressed by your school's impressive academic record however, forgive me this is slightly embarrassing, but I have heard some less than complementary thing about you, can you reassure me you aren't 'cold' or 'passive aggressive'?

Or should I print of the first thread and ask her if any of it is accurate, can she reassure me it isn't?

I don't know what to do... Help me wise mumsnetters!

You can't ask her. You will just have to judge her from your meeting imo....Haven't read the other thread though.

You can not say that to her!

But surely you'll have very little to do with her? It's not like you'll be sharing a dorm with the woman until you are both 18!
No experience of the school, of course, but I loved the teen dd's feedback on your other thread and thought her last para was especially truthful.
This woman is clearly a good manager and respected by her staff...and you might cross her path once a year at parents' evening. So long as she is doing a good job and even gaining the wry affection of her sixth-formers, does it matter about the annoying numberplate and her keenness on her 15 mins' of fame?
I have a friend who works with a pretty tricky and annoying head teacher at a sought-after school. She is hard work at times on the staff front, on a personal level. She occasionally drives her staff to drink.
BUT despite all this they all agree that she leads the school very well, and is much respected by the parents and the children.
I really would not ask her about her reputation. How could that conversation possibly proceed well for either of you?
And, um, as for showing her the thread...

Don't say that, FGS!

Surely if you talk to her, you'll get an idea of what she is like? Watch her with the children around the school - if poss, schedule an appt around playtime so you see her interacting with pupils. Ask her about the school's rep in the media if you want to - see how she reacts to this.

how would you feel if someone you didn't know asked you if you were a bit cold or passive-agressive? I'll tell you what, she sure as hell won;t be warm and inviting to you after that!

Lol - I'd like to be a fly on the wall

It is a very well respected school and TBH if the alternative is a state school in Stoke then I'd put up with the Demon Headmistress. And I agree with marina that you don't have to have a lot to do with her.

Good to see some other Potteries folk around here too.

Haha, I know, I'm glad I typed it out, it sounded ok in my head but as soon as I read it back I thought I can't say this, I'm just so worried about choosing a school my child will be happy at and after our experiance with the head at her primary school... we just really want someone warmer IYKWIM.
I also want to see what she's like when she's not talking to prospective parents, or when they are watching, but I know this won't happen. I might ask the 6th formers who will be giving us our tour, and for their opinion on the rest of the staff... I don't know, I'm getting so worked up about bloody secondary school and I'm normally so calm and collected!

Big deep breath. Primary and secondary heads are very different objects!
I was a prefect at my grammar school and I think I spoke directly to/with the Head...four times in seven years?
Secondary heads employ Year Tutors and Heads of Year to do all the touchy-feely stuff, especially if they are aware that warmth and empathy aren't their forte. You obviously like the school, so focus on that side of it. If you are feeling bold and skittish, ask about how she feels her media campaign has gone down. But don't blame us if she gives you a basilisk stare!

Not fair to ask 6th formers to give their opinion on the Head IMO. You wouldn't ask potential colleagues about their boss would you; at least not when they were at work, being professional? Keep any questions general - what are the staff like? have you found them friendly/helpful? etc, and observe the place LIKE MAD .

Clayton Hall Business & Language College (new posh name) still has a pretty good reputaation though I know parents who are not happy about certain aspects of things. However Clayton isn't in Stoke, it's in Newcastle and if you are out of catchment it is very hard to get into.

Primary Heads and High school heads are an entirely different thing. Primary heads are much more around and available, at High School it is form tutors and heads of year who you go to. Heads of High Schools are much more business managers than teachers really.

A choice between St Jo's and any other local state school in the area, St Jo's every time for me. Pity we would never get in as we arn't Catholic and live miles away.

Well...we were shown around on Friday, it seems very good, pupils held doors open, smiled, were polite and courteous etc etc.
I did ask the 2 6th form pupils what the teachers were like, they said most were nice, cared about the pupils and their results, they told me my DC wouldn't see much of the headteacher unless she has her for RE, apparently she is "pretty intense" I'm not quite sure if this was a compliment or a criticism...
Met the head herself for all of about 3 minutes, couldn't gage much really, but I suppose if she was the raving power hungry lunatic I have been led to believe she is it might have been more apparent! I thought it was sweet how excited she seemed at the prom they were having for the y11s(?)
BUT even in the 3 or so minutes she was talking to us I did feel like she was sort of person you would hate with a fiery passion if you had to work with, she came across as quite arrogant at times.... Then again maybe I was looking for it IYKWIM? Like I doubt I would have noticed the secretary being referred to as a PA if I was on the lookout for signs of pretention lol
Still not totally convinced but its looking better!

My job involves contacting lots and lots of school sexretaies in our neighbouring county. Many of them are referred to as PA's so not really unusual.

Why shouldn't she call her secretary a PA? [puzzled emoticon]

A Secondary school head is a very different animal to a primary school one. My dd has been at secondary school since Sepetmeber and,as far as I know has spoken to the Head once. You need efficiency, management skill, and attention to detail in a Head. Remember there are usually about as many children in a year group in a secondary school as there are in a whole primary!

PA is a standard term these days. I work in admin and wouldn't have a problem being referred to as a PA.

Saggars - DS1 stood a good chance of getting in, but we decided against it in the end.