Son not liking school.

[Sameshitdifferentdayx]

Not sure where to start to be honest.
Through pre-school and up until Y3 my DS was a well behaved, hard working pupil.
This year so far he has had good days and bad days. But more often than not I'm finding it a real struggle to get him through the class door. Most evenings he will say he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow etc. It can affect bed time and going to sleep!
He says he doesn't like school, some of the work is hard, teachers and myself have had a conversation about this and have offered the help when he struggles in, but things continue to happen.
He randomly will make noises or shouts out random things, being disruptive. He has lost break times and lunch times, but they've said this doesn't seem to be phasing him. He says other children do it, and we have explained that of course, this doesn't then give him the green card to go ahead and copy this behaviour, and he has a choice when doing these things, and he isn't always choosing the correct choice and way to behave.
He has a good handful of friends, a couple of them maybe not the best influence, and I have raised this and they are kept at seperate tables etc.
I have tried charts at home to encourage positive behaviour and so on, lots of positive conversations, explained how lots of us have or had a degree of dislike for school but that it is something we all have to go through, and when or if he does struggle that there are people there to help him.
I have sat him down with us and got him write out his ideal day at school into different boxes and 2 things under each box as to why these things would be included.
His boxes are TTRS (A maths times tables game/app they do on Ipads as part of homework and learning in school).. Maths, Art, PE, practising hand writing and Movie. He loves Maths and anything numbers, he is also a very creative child and adores anything arty and loves animals!
He is an independent lad with a great imagination, also quite sensitive. If he takes a real interest in something he really focuses and gets stuck in, otherwise he just gets bored really quickly.
He has always struggled with English - writing and reading. He was a little bit of a late talker, although can chew my ears off now, and just finds English all that bit harder and has 0 interest in this inside and outside of school.
I'm not quite sure how else I can approach this, I feel embarrassed every time the school mention things and can only apologise to them 😔 I'm unsure whether this just a phase or what.
The teacher seems at her wits end (and she's the most lovely teacher also so it's hard to hear!) and isn't sure on how to go about it, which then also leaves me feeling a bit stuck on how or what to approach the school with next in regards to ideas, help and so on.
I plan on showing the teach his "ideal day at school" be it not that much on there, so unsure how it would help them, and then see if they can work with him somehow around those subjects he struggles in and his dislike of school.
Has anyone been through anything similar?! Dealt with similiar? Any ideas or thoughts welcomed. 😊

I think the most important things you can do are
1 continue to support the school in providing predictable consequences for his actions

1. Talk about and model the importance of English. Read with him. Help him with the homework and generally talk positively about the importance and relevance of English or whatever he struggles with.
2. Praise anything good but also praise effort perhaps more than achievement.
3. Model resilience and talk about it. Many kids find things difficult or boring. It's our approach to things we find hard or boring that is important. Don't fall into the trap of saying subjects don't matter. All this does is reinforce the wrong mindset. I hear parents do this regularly. Kids will repeat it back to me ' mum says X doesn't matter because xyz.'

Thank you!
I agree with the points you have made, and rest assured we have been doing all of the above and will continue to, just feel like we're hitting a brick wall and a bit stumped at the moment!

Maybe his class teacher should have a word with the SENco, if she hasn’t done so already, to get some fresh ideas.. You sound as though you are doing everything you can. They are too little to be losing breaks and lunchtimes, maybe unfinished work could go home with him to do?
Perhaps combine with love of art and animals with some cartooning or making and illustrating little books of his own or telling a story out loud with some toy animals.

Thank you!
I'm trying everything I can think of to try and encourage, give him that positive mindset and find enjoyment in going to school, and guide him along the way.. it's just proving a struggle. My eldest has been a breeze with school so it's stumped me 🙈
We can sit and chat for ages, and then I think I've possibly cracked it, then by the morning and the class door opens, it's back to step 1.
I've been in tears the last couple of days, it's so hard, and then I feel awful for leaving him somewhere he doesn't want to be.
Yes I can see if she can have a word with the SENco, it can't hurt to try can it.
He is currently doing a little project of his own and making some 3D planets with arts & crafts, and he's really in to origami so that's where the animals are coming in to things 😊

He sounds great! Don’t be despondent. Y3 is very young still and sometimes it can take a while for them to hit their stride. Hopefully the teacher will get some good ideas from the SENco. If I were the class teacher I’d be offering rewards for eg a certain amount of English work done and make it very doable. Eg ‘You can go and play with the Lego animals/try this new origami design, when you’ve put the speech marks in these four sentences’

This could be potentially your child has sen (which isn’t a bad thing)

however calling out - adhd.
struggling with English dyslexia
maths ASD
schooling issues OT / SPD regards the amount of people

Sencos / teachers don’t rely on them. My boy could “mask” it for 6 years. Some sencos are dire and no clue. Teachers don’t know even the most experienced

There is a reason why your child doesn’t like it - bullying with children - teachers horrible etc. Don’t force your child into school if they are struggling it’s really a true feeling they are having. Research N fisher she is fab

Also children are tired nearly half term hopefully after Xmas and gain energy might be ok 🤞

If you have cash get a private EP - nhs too slow - that will maybe give you some reasons

Me and the teacher did mention about it being the end of the year and they're all a bit groggy and tired, lots of germs about, so hopefully after a good couple of weeks off, things may change. We shall see!

I have contemplated not sending him in a couple of times because the battle is draining some days. The other week he was quite poorly and had a couple days off, to get him back in to school after them 2 days was a mare, so I don't want to start giving him days off when he does need to be in, would be kind of making a rod for my own back there I feel in that sense. I shall research though and work with what I can 😊

Haven't had to deal with SENco at this school, but haven't necessarily heard bad things, though 1 of his regular teachers may aswell be a brick to the building because it's like talking to one 😫 If I need to go down that route next then I shall. And unfortunately, especially this side of Christmas, no means of getting an EP privately!

Thank you x

Neuro diverse DC often behave like this., But depends if you also think he's being engaged in school & having fun & stretched., could just be bored

there's a real step change in year 3 work compared to years k-1-2.
i would suggest finding an educational psychologist to do a full assessment.
sorry no faith in school senco they are just not trained up to the doctorate level needed.
the ed psych would do a full range of tests and help understand why your son is struggling.

He might just have an overly strict or nasty teacher or TA that just has it in for him

I would have him assessed privately, it might not be what you want to hear, but I'd be unsurprised if he's ND.

I post this a lot but schools aren’t functioning well at the moment due to a positive behavior management model which tries to manage naughty kids by ignoring their bad behavior and overly praising their good behavior. It means that you kid will constantly get into trouble for things he sees another kid getting away with. It’s leads to unrestrained bullying and a punitive unpredictable environment that causes children so much stress and misery.

I kept dragging my daughter to school when she was around the same age as your son and it lead to years of anxiety, an adhd diagnosis, plus all the physical ailments that come with high levels of stress. We had to pull her out of mainstream schooling in the end because she would just shut down when faced with schoolwork due to anxiety. I don’t know what to advise except to pull your child out which is what I wish I had done.

At my DC primary school any parent could go in and spend the day helping out in class with prior agreement

I know a couple of parents went in quite often who had DC who were finding things difficult

I went in a couple of times in reception and probably again for Yr 1 and 2 for both my DC and it was very interesting to observe the other DC. I also went on a couple of trips

They were all lovely and were just great kids sitting at their tables relevant to their ability doing their maths and English. Then playing then reading, all sorts really. It was actually really interesting seeing how they blossomed over the years. From painfully shy to confident Yr 6's

So yes I'd arrange to go in to school as often as you can OP and sit and help out in class

No I don't think he is stretched to be fair, nor engaged and having fun unless it's a subject that thoroughly grips him and is passionate about.

Thank you x

His main teacher is lovely. Couldn't fault her. The other teachers/TA involved with the class aren't the best in terms of communication but I wouldn't use the words nasty or having it in for him at all.

Thank you, I think it's a route I'm going to have to go down! X

I'm sorry to hear you experienced similiar with your daughter, this is what I fear will happen in regards to added stress and anxiety for him if there isn't a solution found soon enough and if I find nobody is willing to try and help me at school to find what helps him etc. I shall push and carry on to make sure he is happy though, regardless of any outcome!
Interesting RE the first part of your reply!
Thank you x

Thank you 😊 Yes they do this here and are called parent helpers!

I have helped out in younger years previously with both of my children whilst they were there. And I do still help out with any trips if they need the extra hand and I am available.

I could have wrote this as this is exactly what my son is doing! I can relate to everything said here.
It's hard, my son has just moved bk in with me due to his behaviour at dads. Grew up with me but then was with dad a year now bk home, which I love, very hectic but love my kids dearly. If he would just attend school and stop carryon I'd be happy.But not wanting to go ect is driving me nuts.

Oh bless you, keep with it and speak or reach out to his teachers/school if you need to. My boy still doesn't like school at all but we have slight improvement whilst he's there, be it still that he still shouts out now and again when he isn't engaged in a specific lesson or doesn't understand. I think him knowing me and school do communicate about work, behaviour etc does help. There are things the school could do potentially if you spoke to them, just to even get him through the door in the mornings was a big battle, and now he walks freely in and lines up waiting to go in nicely.
I hope things get better for you, and him! Keep positive and try working together with the school and with him, rather than against. I always focus and talk about the positives rather than the negatives, discuss any worries/goings on and work with him to find a resolution that we are all happy with. Remind him of any exciting things school/we have going on inside or outside of school to look forward to, to keep his mind set positive and so the negatives aren't at the forefront of his mind.. and again, remind him about making the right choices, even if those friends make the wrong ones.. two wrongs don't make a right etc.
As frustrating as it is, keep going and speak to school! Also make sure you and his dad are on the same page with it all so there's no conflicting things being said or done! X