From nursery to primary - 4.5yr boy - what's your opinion

[roseybump]

DS1 could possibly go to P1 this August, he will be 4.5 yrs. ADvice from practically all mums and teachers is to keep a boy back a year, as there will be problems later on in education if he is constantly 'the underdog'. Understand the reasoning behind this, but I am wondering about the pros of going into school at this age - need to balance the argument. Having a total dilema here - his pals will all be moving on into primary school, and if I keep him in nursery he will end up being with a small group of ante pre-schoolers (3 yr olds... including his 'baby brother'). He knows these youngsters as his baby-brothers friends.
Would really value your comments, esp from mums who have put their sons into school at this age and how they are getting on.
Heeeeelp!

Just gone through the same thing with my ds who was 4 in Jan. after lots of changing of minds, reading up on it, talking to loads of people and worrying, we've decided to keep him back. Nursery said he could go this year but would maybe benefit from another year to improve confidence etc. School said if theres any doubt, defer. He has no problems with the academic work but quite shy and also not very confident physically. I think he might manage going this year but I have a feeling that an extra year to build up his confidence might mean he copes much better socially and really enjoys it when he gets there. As others have said, only you know your son and how he might cope. At the same time though, why are we in such a rush to send them off to school? (apart from it being cheaper..!) There's no obvious benefit to starting school early and finishing early. After all, you have the rest of your life to go to work week in week out, why start earlier than you have to? From personal experience, I was the youngest in my year and while I always did well academically, I did struggle a bit socially, not at primary school but later on when I felt kind of like I was still a child and others were more grown-up which is not a good feeling when you're a teenager. I wouldn't worry too much about which kids are in the nursery class, it may well change through the year and he will just get used to it. Also, he might really like being one of the big ones! One other thing, after speaking to loads of people about this, I noticed that while some of those who sent their child early thought it was fine, some really regretted it. In contrast, I have yet to meet someone who deferred and wished they hadn't - they are all really positive about it.

of course, nowadays no one in their right mind would let their 16yo go to yoonie, but that was in the olden days

mind you, at the rate my friends kids are dropping out of uni, i am seriously thinking of not letting encouraging any of mine to go until they are 20

i kept my dd back at nursery for an extra year, her birthday is feb, the nursery said she wasnt ready she wasnt mature enough, i was also worried aboout her friends going to school and her being left behind it hasnt bothered her until now, she was 5 in feb and is fed up at nursery, shes looking for more sitting and learning and shes not tolerating the younger children much. I dont regret keeping her back because now i know for sure she's ready to start school in august.

DS1 turned 4 in August and he started school in September as I was told if he didn't he would be put straight into Y1 the following year. I strongly believe that it's the worst thing I ever did to him. Having been to nursery/pre-school he was a happy, confident little boy starting school. All that changed rapidly as he struggled with what was expeced of him.

I see your dilemma with your son being with much younger kids next year though - is there any other option for him, maybe in another setting?

I have gone to the other extreme with DD, just because I can. She will be starting kindy (Oz equivalent of reception) the week she turns 6 next February I love the fact that she gets an extra year of play at pre-school.

in my area they start school the term that they are 5. so ds1 was 4.10 when he started, he had been to nursery scince he was 20mths before that so he was ready for the acedemic part, he could write his name etc where as a lot of the others couldnt even though they had been to the schools pre-school.(it was a different nursery ds1 went to)

ds2 will also be 4.10 when he starts except he will have been at nursery scince he was 6 mths, however i can see problems with him going to school as getting him to actually sit still now is trouble, i cant see him doing it at school!

i think it is totally dependant on the individual child. it had never occured to me that i could hold them back a year

Oh I wish I'd seen this thread. I have exactly the same issue as OP. DS is late Jan, and I've been advised by Nursery, HV, and even deputy head to hold back a year. If the decision was today I would hold back, but I keep seeing him getting more mature by the day.

He doesn't like nursery - says its boring (his words). I think school could work out 2 ways. 1. He hates it, becomes isolated and it doesn't work out.

1. The more rigid, directive approach works better for him and he fits in and grows fine.

I wish there was a trial week or something. Nursery and school are not the same. I keep telling them I want to see how it goes over the next 2 months, before deciding.

Of course he also has a good school place now, and I don't want to lose it.

can you ask for dererred entry? My concern about our DS is not so much about early primary but about how he will cope in secondary school being one of the youngest.its such a hard time in their lives..[worried mummy emoticon]

KM: asking me? Assuming so I am being encouraged to do a deferral. It is my choice. I get conflicting views of DS, and I have opposing views from different people. Myself, I am split down the middle.

I was a jan child too, and had no problems (well from my perspective) - but I know DS is different... oh which way which way

My DS started Reception at just gone 4 - He was and is fine. Is now in Yr 2. But I seriously considered keeping him back and only didn't because all his friends were moving up from Nursery to Reception.

So although I say he coped and he is fine and happy we have issues with his handwriting and fine motors skills - mind you he is not the only one. A lot of the boys have the same issues.

We are hoping that as we move back to UK from Budapest we can hold him back a year. We are lucky in that he will be going to an independant school and they have already said that it shouldn't be a problem. Obv if he is top of the class then we won't but he isn't now so prob won't be then.

From everyone we have spoken to all it can do is benefit him.

In Denmark boys start school a full year later than girls. I think it makes a lot of sense.

You main issue seems to be the nursery situation and if you can sort that out and if you can defer him, then I would.

mine was 4 and 2 months when he started school - in a small class - but just him and 7 girls. He never seems to have suffered with being the underdog - even though he is aware that most of the girls read much better than him.

He is in year 2 now - and can easily hold his own with his peers.

However, he was very tired in the first few months - and even then he was only doing half time.

hey ho! have decided to defer - thanks for your advice! still waiting to hear from school and council re placement - written to request a'review' of the session he has been granted. If they don't budge then I think I will put the two of them into another nursery altogether and give them a different outlook for the next year. watch this space. tell you what though - I was so relieved when I decided to defer, and the minute I decided I realised it was definately the right decision - if that makes any sense.

Glad you're feeling happier now you've made your decision I always think that an extra year of play/no pressure can never do any harm, though I know not everyone agrees!

If he doesn't do anything already, you might want to enrol your DS in some extra activities next year, to give him some interesting things to do which could challenge him a bit if he gets a bit "bored" with nursery. DD did ballet for this year. I think it did her a lot of good, and she learnt a lot of things useful for starting school. For example she had to work with children she didn't already know, stay quiet and list to the teacher, follow instructions etc..

My son was born end of August - just four when he started school. Had no problems and one of the top in his year. Wouldn't have dreamt of keeping him back - he would have been driven mad by now.