Schools for kids with emotional/behavioral issues? Boarding ideally.

[SassyCrow]

Hi
I am English but live overseas now. My DD (14yrs) has an emerging personality disorder/anxiety etc which has led to behavioral and emotional issues, which made schooling very hard for her. She has just been asked to leave her current school as they did not feel they were the right environment for her.
I've heard there are theraputic schools now in the UK that help kids like her? Does anyone know of any? Ideally one with boarding options as I'm unable to be back in the UK full time due to other child, and my mum and sister are in ill health and so wouldn't be able to have my daughter live in full time.
Thanks

Palming off your daughter to boarding school of any kind in this scenario sounds catastrophic. She needs your close love and support.

if you cannot offer that where you live you as a family need to look to coming back to the UK

I agree that boarding seems very inappropriate for an anxious teen. Have you had her assessed for any sort of neurodivergence? Autism or ADHD? Teen years are the time girls often stop being able to mask.

This^
The most important thing for teens with mental health issues is the love and support of their parents.
Unless their behaviour is so awful eg violent that they need to be in a school environment where they have multiple staff on hand 24/7 if the child needs to be restrained. I've only known of one child who needed this, and he used to attack his schoolmates daily and then tried to break in to a classroom to access his schoolmates by throwing a chair through the window.
What behaviours is she exhibiting that make her unsuitable for the school environment? If she is violent rather than anxious then that might make a difference, but being sent to a different country to her family seems incredibly punitive and damaging at first glance.

SEN schools fees with therapeutic support start from around £60K per year. Add on another £30K for residential.

Jeez, this is like a villain origin story.

Tutoring at home would be better for your daughter and your family. Sending a child away at that age could easily make the personality disorder worse. She needs stability and consistency with family and familiar people.

My heart breaks for your poor child. Labelling a teen with personality disorder is just awful and considered very poor practice by reputable mental health professionals. The symptoms that might be cause someone to claim this are likely to be coming out of some relational trauma. Sending your child away will only reinforce this. Please find a way to step up and parent your child right now. Keep her with you

Independent therapeutic schools do exist but you can’t just go to one. Most of these schools do not allow you to self fund even if you could afford it. You would have to move here, attempt mainstream, apply for an EHCP, attempt mainstream with an EHCP, get your LA to agree special school is needed, get your LA to agree that there are no appropriate maintained special schools and then get them to agree that the placement is an appropriate use of public money.

Is there any help available for your DD where you live? Does she want to go to boarding school?

If you have the money to consider overseas boarding have you considered giving your other child this opportunity and keeping DD with you, maybe home schooling her? I know children who have chosen boarding school (as teenagers) to escape troubled home environments and really thrived there. How old is your other child - could that be an option?

Your poor daughter.

Completely agree with everything PPs have said so far especially re pursuing assessment for neurodivergence and sending her away being a hideous idea.

I would like to add please find a really good child psychotherapist/counsellor for her. Someone she really clicks with, it might take a few tries to get the right one, that's perfectly normal.

Also please read "The Explosive Child" book. It will help you compassionately understand and support what your daughter is going through. It sounds like she's having a nightmare of a time.

Here it is. You need to heavily engage with your struggling child, academics are not the priority right now, her MH is.

@SassyCrow

How old is your other child, OP?

In which country do you live now?

Why could you not return to the UK?

Your current thinking doesn't seem to be based on a proper diagnosis.

I wonder whether a referral to Great Ormond Street would clarify what your daughter's needs really are.

https://www.gosh.com.kw/conditions/child-and-adolescent-mental-health-services

You seem oddly unconcerned that your child is desperately unhappy. Do they want to be schooled away from you? What is your relationship with them like? Why does the other child mean you can't come to the UK? Are they in training or something?

OP, maybe ask your question on the "boarding school" board. You might get more helpful responses.

Boarding schools that cater for children with behavioural problems are extremely expensive and usually funded by local authorities, who have had to take the children into care. And every child there has extreme problems or they wouldn't be there - the idea that they are "therapeutic" is nice in theory but in practice they are often just a holding facility for children no one else can cope with.

If your daughter is diagnosed with autism or a learning disability there are more options. But again these schools are really expensive and usually funded by the local authority.

Self funding a residential independent SEMH school would be prohibitively expensive for most.

When you say behavioural difficulties, can you post more about DD’s specific needs and the level of VCB DD displays. SEMH schools cater for different cohorts.

If you moved to England, you could request an EHCNA. You don’t need DD to have failed in mainstream before requesting an EHCNA.

Please don't pack your daughter off to a boarding school. Get her assessed for autism/ADHD and look at getting appropriate support within a loving, safe, home environment.

i know a few if you need recommendations

I'm a big defender of boarding schools but not in this instance. They can work well for older, confident, independent kids but your child needs you with them, looking after them and supporting them. Maybe school shouldn't be a priority at all at the moment and focus should be on getting them emotionally healthy.

That’s often an option when the child is happy as boarding school is divisive. Do you honestly think however that BS is right answer in these circumstances for the daughter?