AmMomInLdn
Thank you for such a kind post.
I really relate to your dilemma. I was in your position. My ASD son, who is now 10, attended mainstream school in the end mainly because his teacher at his nursery was the primary school's SEND lead and she was so dedicated to her support of my son and other SEN children at the nursery (which was attached to a primary school). That early years input, combined with group speech and language therapy (on the NHS, nothing fancy, just good, solid therapy), really helped set my son on a solid path. And what's more, I learned from his early years teachers, as well as his speech therapist, how I could better guide him.
But back to Swan Centre: Several of the children start out at Swan Centre then integrate later on into mainstream, which is lovely because the Swan Centre children play with the Strand/mainstream children and eat lunch with them. They're on the same premises so the move to mainstream is streamlined and very well supported by Strand teachers and Swan teachers alike.
I oversaw several pupils who attended Swan Centre in their early years (infants) and then integrated into Strand on the Green's mainstream school later on. It's something you can certainly talk to the head of Swan Centre about.
Your DS could start his early years at Swan Centre and move into mainstream if you and his teachers feel that would benefit him.
The good news is there are many mainstream schools that do offer enough support for children on the spectrum who need just a bit more buffering and compassion for their needs. I think if you can accept that there won't be much, if any, one-to-one in mainstream, and if you can accept that the teachers will need your guidance as to how they can help your DS throughout the day, bearing in mind that his needs will be individual to him, then mainstream can really work out well.
For my own DS, the one main thing he has required is space to decompress when the noise of the world around him gets too much. But at age 10, he's really learned what he needs to do in order to soften life's sharp edges. In his early years, sensory walks and sensory space were on offer all the time. And for him, that was enough. In order to cope with the stress of the long day, he just needed moments of Zen and school was great at offering him that. I've also, over the years, avoided things like after school clubs and anything that extends the school day beyond 3:30.
Since year 5, he no longer needs sensory walks or sensory space. But when it all gets too much, instead of staying on the playground, he may just sit on a bench or go in the library, seek out a safe space where he can go and think about Roblox!
I think what's helped is that we cycle to and from school every day or else walk (it's like a 45 minute walk) with the dog and we just talk to each other. I use the school run as a calm time to just shake the bugs off before the start of the day and shake the bugs off at the end of the day. Home is a quiet zone. In many ways, raising an ASD child has made me a better parent, certainly a more peaceful one. I realise that we all cope a bit better when he quiet the world around us.
I hope you come to a decision you're happy with. But definitely talk with Swan Centre about how they integrate their pupils into mainstream and what that looks like. They're very kind there. It's a wonderful SEN school.