Do you let your DC pick their secondary school?

[Dreamerinme]

We are starting to visit the local secondary school open evenings this month and I’ve had conversations with a few other primary school
parents - people just chatting about what they thought etc of each school.

One parent was very strongly of the opinion that the child alone should choose where they want to go as they are the ones who have to go there.

It got me thinking about the approach DH and I have thought - we will visit them all this year (DC is y5) and then again next year. We will shortlist the schools that, amongst other criteria, we feel meets our DC’s needs (awaiting assessment for dyspraxia), but this doesn’t meet the threshold for an EHCP etc. So, we need to ensure that a school is willing and able to provide appropriate support (which he is getting now in primary).

Then we intend to discuss all the options with DC and hopefully come to a mutual agreement. If we don’t then I guess DH and I have the final say as I’m not sure that a then-10yo has the ability to see the bigger picture.

What do other people do?

I agree with this.

We discussed the different schools with DS, and we took his wishes into account, but we just couldn't make the decision to send him to a school that we didn't feel was right for him at all.

It was a really stressful time, but it turned out to be the right decision - DS is doing well at a lovely school, and has a great group of friends. He completely agrees it was the right decision now.

It’s a good idea to look at the admission criteria for any school you and your child are interested in. Theres no point in hoping for a place at a school for which you don’t meet the criteria.

It would have to be a bad school for me to not let my DD choose. I want her to be happy there.

As if a ten year old is capable of making that kind of decision! It's literally our responsibility to make it for them.

It's their education, not post dinner ice cream choice

No. They don't see the bigger picture, or the long-term pros and cons, and are more likely to use short-term thinking like "best friend is going there" (who might be an ex-best friend 2 months in).

Honestly, I think the parent should have the ultimate decision but the child's view should definitely be taken into account. For my twins, one definitely wanted to do the 11+ and go to the all girls grammar while the other was set on going to the good state feeder school where all her friends were going. We were happy with both of those decisions and felt they were suited for both. For my son, he wanted to do the 11+ even though he was sure he'd go to the same state school as his sister but he ended up passing and rethinking his decisions. We heavily encouraged him to go to the grammar all boys as although we knew DD's state school benefited him, he'd thrive better in the grammar. If he had been genuinely devastated at the idea of not going there, we'd have allowed him, but ultimately it was a good decision. He's made solid friends and still keeps in touch with his primary friends. It is quite interesting to have 3 children in 3 different secondary schools though!! We still have our youngest two to think of as well. Sorry for the ramble !

I had a look round our local three with our eldest and explained which of the three I thought would be best for him and he agreed. His brother is a year younger so again we looked around them all. He would have quite liked to have gone to the more local one which most of his year group at primary was going to but I explained that the one his brother was at was considered the best school in the area, so why would we send his brother to it but not him? I would have let him go to the more local one if his primary cohort were a bit different but he'd had some problems with being bullied but also is quite easily led so I worried he'd get in with the bullies and get a name for himself as a naughty boy. Fortunately he wasn't very forceful in his requests for the other school as he had liked the one I wanted for him at the open evening so was quite happy really to go there. He's Year 11 now and gone through the school we chose with no problems, as did his brother more or less, so I am glad we chose it.

Mine did and they all were hapoy with their decision and got goid gcse results.

Yes and no I guess DD is at a Grammar and made the right choice. She was adamant and did all the work to pass. She is about to start looking at Soxth Form and will again make the choice (I am happy with her shortlist including her current Grammar and her A level
choices)

DS did not want single sex so that removed grammar and one state school and that left two - we picked together the one best for him even though his friends went to anotjer

you pick the shortlist surely so just don’t shortlist one you don’t like it is is even surely your child should get the final say

I think alot actually depends on your area and I guess most of you who give DC a choice- no matter how likely the result, must be city dwellers (or like driving your kids a long way to school each day).

My eldest didn't get a choice as there wasn't any. There is a secondary within walking g distance, every other option was a 30min plus public bus service away (no way she'd manage that at just 11) or me giving up work to drive her.

My youngest - in yr6 now does have 2 options. The walkable one or the new one which has a school provided bus which takes 1hr each way. So yes I will give him that choice. But he would like to go to a school the other side of the county with a swim friend... no way of getting there - and no chance of getting in!

My 11 year old managed a public bus service. And not a city dweller.

My 11yo managed a 30 min bus journey perfectly well on his own from the start of year 7. He was used to public transport as we don't have a car. City dwellers, admittedly. Once when there was an issue with the buses he walked home.

No choice in our area. Child could be disappointed if allowed to pick. At that age if there is a choice then I still think parents should have overall decision but taking into account children's view. There are practical considerations like transport to consider too.

I let my children choose sixth form as all options were on the table if they achieved certain gcse points, though we still had input in the discussion. Saying that one child is so bad at getting up in the morning I told him he couldn't go to one that required a train to get there as I knew he would end up missing it and we wouldn't be able to get him there to to the distance and needing to get to work.

We rejected 2 of the geographicly sensible choices, and gave DS the choice of the remaining 2 - with the pros and cons as we saw them.
He got his first choice. DS2 didn't even want to look at schools. He'd heard his brothers assessment, and was following in his footsteps.

I work in a secondary and when we open for year 6 visits I can see which children are going to influence their parents into picking us. They are the ones who disappear into the books stacks for ages! It's lovely to see when primary children get that little glimpse into the possibility that big school might be better!
One year our head did a year 5 day and a lot of year 5s from local primaries came for tours and mini lessons. That was a great idea as it happened for them without the pressure of actually making choices. Their parents often came back to us to say they were so pleased to have the chance to consider us in this way.
And I think the children should have a voice not maybe the loudest one though.

I hoping when the time comes that it’s a joint decision. Our catchment school doesn’t have a great rep, is super strict with a million rules and pretty much all of the local kids on my street go there and come out with ok results but disillusioned with education. However, 90% + of DD class will go there as it’s the only school which is walkable. My parents forced me to go to a single sex school which I hated. Everyone there was middle class and I was the only child from a council estate. I’m hoping the local school improves by the time DD is old enough as I can image that DD will want to go there but I can see it being totally wrong fit for her in terms or ethos and extra curricular.

We simply sent our dc to the nearest one and didn't even really consider any of the others. Dc1 does have other, extra needs but the school he's at caters for it well enough.

Within reason, yes. We visited the ones we would be happy for them to go to and then they put them in order of preference.

Though in reality for to where we line there was only going to be one outcome and they are all in the same school despite putting different preferences down.

Whilst in some areas it's perfectly feasible for siblings to attend three different secondaries, in some more rural areas it really is logistically preferable to have them all in the same school. I have a friend whose parents looked round the open evenings with her younger sister in mind more than her - my friend was going to be fine anywhere, but her sister was dyslexic and they were more concerned about finding the right school for her. My friend didn't have any problem with that, but obviously it meant that it was never going to be her decision.

I agree that a child's maturity plays a big role in this decision making. I felt growing up that both I and my younger sister had a significant say in the schools we went to - and that it was both positive for us, and unusual where we were (scholarships to independent schools, non-UK, little choice in the state system); As a result I looked to give my own children as much input as I could. The older one ended up moving at year 5 to a choirschool so we were then assessing senior school options mainly during year 7 and it was very much guided by her preferences (with a dollop of my procrastination such that a couple of schools weren't visited in time).

The younger one interviewed for two schools age 10, and my aim to let him decide whether he wanted to board was misguided, he wasn't engaged with the process (for 13+ entry) and the teachers who met him couldn't draw him out of himself. I think he was nearly 12 the first time we visited a school and he could actually imagine going there. We had something of the same difficulty getting him to research universities, at the end of 1st year he acknowledged that he really had been quite immature about the application process! (mind you we still think he got into the right place, but we'd essentially had to tell him what to put down to get an appropriate insurance offer)

It was a family decision but not a hard one because it was the one he was most likely to get into, the closest, easiest to get to, where most of his friends would end up and none of us had any concerns about it.

We just chucked DS through the gate of the closest school. We knew it was a bit shite if I’m honest. But they streamed every subject and he was in top set for everything so it was ok enough. He got top grades at both GCSE and A level. I suppose it would be deemed risky by lots of MN. We knew our child and had confidence in his abilities. I went to a dire comp and DH went to one of the best public schools in England. We ended up in the same workplace :)

If honest we had the luxury of being able to tutor him ourselves in almost every subject to A level standard as both worked in academia. DH even tutored a couple of DS mates sometimes. DS did change for sixth form as decided he wanted to go to a college. But he changed his mind at the last minute so the decent college he wanted was full, he ended up commuting to an ok one in the next county.

The question of siblings is an important one. There's no point making a big deal of DC1's preference if logistics mean that the other DC will have to go to the same school regardless of their own preferences.

The funny thing is for me, I actually felt like I did pick it myself. But it must have been very highly orchestrated or incredibly good luck. I felt like I wanted to attend the one private school out of the six I got into, that was offering the whole lot for free!?
So I guess I was steered heavily towards it. But I was never told 'you must go here bc we have no money and this one is paid for by the government'. But equally if I wanted one of the others they would've had to have said no. So it was a pretty risky game my parents played!

Did it pay off? Well I got three years of good education. Then as soon as I could choose I left for a comp!

DD had input to school choice, she discounted a few on weird reasons such as not liking the corridors. But ultimately we picked, for her and her sibling.